Touch'
by Random1377
Summary: Two pilots learn the importance of physical and emotional contact. A ShinjiXRei romance. Rated M for language, violence, and sexual content.
1. One Week

Disclaimer: Evangelion… Gainax… such wonderful sounding words. They go together so nicely, almost as if… one OWNED the other. In short: I don't own Evangelion, they do, and I hope they don't sue me because I'm not making any money off of this.

Touch'

By Random1377

Part 1 – One Week

**_Sunday_**

One bright Sunday afternoon, Shinji Ikari found himself in the unfamiliar situation of being happy. Setting up the DVD6 system to watch the movie he had purchased, he looked to the couch where Rei Ayanami sat quietly staring at the television, her red eyes fixing unblinkingly on his for a moment before he looked nervously away.

_I finally asked her over for something unrelated to EVA… and she said yes!! _he thought happily, completing the configuration of the disk player and popping the movie in.

"I hope you like it, Ayanami," he said, offering her a shy smile.

Rei glanced at him, then back at the TV. "You said you were sure that I would, Ikari," she said flatly.

Slightly deflated, Shinji pushed Play on the remote and sat down next to her.

Rei watched with something akin to polite boredom, much to Shinji's disappointment. _Damn,_ he thought sadly, _I really thought she would like a good romance movie. _ He stole a look at her from the corner of his eye. _It's nice to be this close to her, though. _Sighing internally, he scrapped the notion of telling the First Child that he liked her. _Probably just stare at me anyway,_ he thought dejectedly, _but hey – at least I actually had the nerve to ask her over. That counts for something, right?_

As the movie reached the midpoint, Rei inclined her head towards the television and quietly murmured, "This is something I do not understand."

Shinji pushed Pause.

Carefully studying the screen, he saw the hero leaning in for a kiss. "What?" he asked, confused, "The kissing?"

Rei shook her head minutely. "That I understand," she said succinctly, "it is an expression of mutual physical attraction." Shinji could only think that it sounded rather boring when she described it, but listened attentively as she clarified, "What I do not understand is why the protagonist is touching the love interest's face like that."

Shinji frowned slightly. "Hasn't… hasn't anyone touched you before?" he asked uncertainly.

"I do not understand your question," Rei replied, "Doctor Akagi touched me when she taught me how to put a plugsuit on. Commander Ikari touched me when I still needed help dressing. You touched me when you fell on me in my apartment, do you not remember? Your hand landed on my brea-"

"Yes, yes," Shinji cut in hurriedly, blushing at the memory. "Those are all accidents," he pointed out, "hasn't anyone touched you just because they like you?"

Rei's brow furrowed slightly as she tried to recall any instance where someone had touched her as the woman on screen was being touched. After a minute of silence, she looked Shinji in the eyes and gave her flat reply.

"No."

Shinji averted his gaze, finding himself unable to look her in the eye as he nervously whispered, "M-may I touch you, Ayanami?"

Rei considered the idea for a moment, intrigued by the offer. She glanced to the screen, taking in the look of pleasure on the woman's face. It looked tempting – and as far as she could see, it posed no threat to the Commander's scenario or her physical wellbeing. _What harm could come of it?_ she thought realistically.

"Yes, you may."

Shinji turned so he was facing her straight on. _This is about the time I usually wake up,_ he thought ironically, not quite letting himself believe that this was real. Slowly, he reached out and gently caressed her cheek, sighing softly with released tension.

Rei felt a slight tingle at his touch, as if his hand was conducting electricity. She closed her eyes, trying to isolate the sensation. _This is an odd… feeling,_ she thought, _It is merely his hand, touching my face… nothing more. _But somehow it was. Just that simple, deliberate human contact – so foreign to her – felt so proper… as if it was something she had been seeking, but never quite realized.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and raised her hand. Shinji, who had lived with two temperamental women for some time, flinched and closed his eyes. He opened them with a soft gasp as, a moment later, he felt Rei's light touch on his cheek.

"Does this hurt you, Ikari?" Rei asked, watching his face intently as she slowly ran her hand over it.

"N-no, I was just… surprised," he cast his eyes downward. "I thought you were going to hit me."

Rei tilted her head to the side. "Why would I do that?" she wondered, slowly bringing her other hand up and gently exploring both sides of his face, a look of supreme concentration on her features.

"W-Well… I don't know," Shinji admitted, "but Asuka's hit me a couple times – not, like, a lot, but when she thought I was being a pervert." He frowned, "And you hit me once, too."

Rei shook her head slightly. "I struck you because of your lack of respect for our superior, not out of anger." She examined his face carefully, slowly sliding her hands down to his neck and noting with some interest his rise in body temperature and change in skin hue. After a moment she said, "Do you enjoy being struck by the Second Child?"

Shinji looked confused. "No, of course not!"

"Then why do you allow it?"

_His skin is very warm_… Rei thought, _hmmm… mine is as well… this is most enjoyable._

"I don't _let_ her," Shinji protested, finding it rather difficult to concentrate on a conversation at that moment, "she just does it… and it's only sometimes – it's not like she spends all… all day… hitting m-me…"

The feel of the girl's hands on his neck and face was making it very difficult to form complete sentences.

Rei stopped suddenly. "Ikari," she said quietly, "why do you not use your other hand as well? This is most… pleasant."

Shinji tried not to let his surprise show, though he was positive that he was unsuccessful. "Umm… sure."

After a few minutes more, Rei slid her right hand down his chin and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"W-what are you doing?" Shinji stuttered, his hands freezing.

Rei was intent on undoing the buttons one at a time as she said, "I am removing your shirt."

The thought that he might be able to stop her never entered into his frazzled mind as he replied, "Y-yes… I can see that…" his last button came undone and she pulled the garment from his shoulders. "B-but… why?"

Rei's brow furrowed. "You offered to touch me," she reminded him, "should I not touch you in return? Is that not proper?"

"That's…" Shinji took a deep breath as she slowly ran her hands over his shoulders, "that's not it… it's just that… just that." He trailed off as her hands worked their way down do his chest, softly stroking his skin with avid curiosity.

"Just what?" Rei asked, slowly reaching around to touch his back

Shinji's voice came out as a high-pitched squeak, his thought train derailing with an abrupt mental crash.

Rei considered his face for a moment. "Is it because your shirt is off?" she wondered.

The boy nodded. "Y-yeah…" he stammered, seizing the excuse, "that's it."

"I do not understand why this bothers you, Ikari." He blinked, wishing suddenly that she would stop calling him that. "We are not in public, and you are physically fit, as far as I can see," she ran a hand over his chest, eliciting a shiver from the boy. "I see no reason for you to be uncomfortable."

Shinji's mind raced as he tried to think of a way to explain it. He closed his eyes, feeling her hands leave his body as he did. _This isn't going like I thought it would…_ he thought with some consternation, _I just wanted to tell her that I liked her and ask if she would go out with me some time, and now I have to explain why I'm uncomfortable with my shirt off while she puts her hands all over me? How did THAT work out??_

A rustling sound caused him to open his eyes. When he did, they just kept opening and opening until he was wide-eyed and staring – because the only time he could remember seeing that much of the girl was when he had fallen on her, and even then he had looked away as quickly as he could.

"Is this better, Ikari?" Rei asked quietly.

Shinji could only stare, his mouth hanging open.

Taking his silence as a yes, Rei leaned forward once more and pressed her skin against his. _This is much better,_ she thought with a trace of happiness, _Why was I not informed of this before?_ As she continued to caress his skin, his clarifying question came back to her, 'hasn't anyone touched you just because they like you?' _This must be something that is only done between people that like each other_, she reasoned.

_He must like me, because he asked to touch me_, she went on mentally, not noticing the fact that Shinji was sitting rigid as a fence post, _and I must like him, because I enjoyed his touch so much…_ Satisfied with her slightly flawed reasoning, she spoke quietly, "I like you, Shinji."

Hearing his name drew his attention partially away from the fact that he had never felt this much skin before in his life – including his own – and he asked, eloquently, "W-What??"

"I said I like you. Since this is the case, I can no longer call you 'Ikari,' as this would be too formal." She leaned back a bit, causing him to stare down and drool slightly. "Also," she said calmly, not noticing his fascination with her upper body, "I believe that when two people like each other, they 'date,' correct? Therefore, I would like to be your girlfriend, if that is acceptable to you."

Unsticking his eyes from their glued-on position on her chest, Shinji replied with some force, "Uh… O-Ok…"

Rei gently placed a hand on his forehead. "Are you unwell, Shinji? Your temperature has elevated considerably more than mine, and you seem to be having trouble formulating thoughts."

Shinji was about to reply with more of his clever repartee – something along the lines of umm, err, well, that is… umm – when the front door slid open, and Shinji's roommate, Asuka Langley Souryu, came into the room.

Taking quick stock of his options, Shinji decided that the best thing to do was remain motionless and hope that his skin tone blended well with the sofa.

He was not so fortunate.

Asuka looked at them, rubbed her eyes, looked at them again, then rubbed her eyes harder. Finally convincing herself that she _was_ in fact seeing a topless Shinji with an equally topless Wondergirl clinging to him as if she was trying to get into his skin with him, Asuka responded the only way she knew how.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!"

Rei, being quite well-read, but lacking certain social skills… such as tact, replied, "We are touching."

Asuka, also being well-read, and _also_ lacking certain social skills… like tact, said, "I can see that, you idiot! Why? Why are you doing that? And where is your _shirt_?! Have you no _shame_?!"

Rei regarded her calmly, still running her hands over Shinji's body. "Shinji is now my boyfriend," she informed the other girl quietly, "so why should I feel ashamed?"

If not for the fact that it was attached, Asuka's jaw would have broken through the floor and descended into the street. "Shinji…?" she whispered, incredulous, "boyfriend…?" She shook her head, absently pinching her own arm to ensure that she was not dreaming, "What are you _talking_ about!??!" She stomped over to them and grabbed Shinji's chin, causing him to whimper, and brought his face closer to Rei's. "He's a _boob_!! Why would you _possibly_ want to be with him??"

Frowning, Rei pulled Shinji closer to her. "Because I like him," she whispered. "Please release him… I believe you are cracking his jaw."

Shinji let out a thankful gasp as Asuka let him go. "Whatever," the redhead cried, throwing her hands in the air, "on second thought, you two are perfect for each other – the hero and the zero." She leaned forward, smiling maliciously, "I _will_ tell you this, though, First Child," her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, "he's an awful kisser."

Still smiling, she walked out of the room. "I'm going to Hikari's – where there's less danger of throwing up… and don't get anything gross on the couch!"

There were several moments of awkward silence after the Second stormed out, filled only with quiet breathing and uncertain thoughts. _She's going to leave,_ Shinji realized sadly, _I know it._

The silence was finally broken by Rei's soft inquiry of, "Did you enjoy kissing Pilot Souryu?"

Shinji noticed that she did not seem to be mad… yet.

"No," he answered truthfully, "she pinched my nose closed… I couldn't breathe."

Rei considered this, then asked, "Why?"

Shinji frowned. "I think she was just teasing me," he said slowly, "she said it tickled her. Then she was mad the rest of the night – until Kaji got here," his frown deepened, "then she was all smiles. I don't think she ever really _wanted_ to kiss me… she just wanted to kill time."

"So you did not do it because you like her?" Rei asked curiously.

Shinji blushed, not really wanting to tell her, but not wanting to lie. "No… I did," he confessed reluctantly. "I… really admired how strong she was, and I thought maybe there was more between us than just… just roommates." He sighed. "But then I realized that she didn't like me, or at least, she didn't like me the way I liked her, so… we never talked about it again."

Rei pondered this for a moment, slowly drawing imaginary patterns on his skin and listening to his tense breathing. "Shinji?" she finally asked, coming to an inescapable conclusion, "would you like to kiss me?"

Shinji grimaced unconsciously, remembering the last time her had heard those words. "Umm… are you sure _you_ want to? I mean, most people wait until they've known each other for a few weeks, and…" he trailed off. "What? Why are you shaking your head?"

"Your logic is flawed," she pointed out, "I have known you for eight months, Shinji. Also, in the film you showed me, the main couple had only known each other for a few days. Additionally," she concluded, "you kissed Pilot Souryu, whom you have known less time than me."

"Well…" _Why am I trying to fight this?!_ Shinji thought suddenly, _Maybe because… I'm the STUPIDEST MAN ALIVE??_

"Do you find me… unattractive?" Rei asked, looking him directly in the eye.

"No!" Shinji protested, "Not at all, but-"

Rei cut him off, "Mutual attraction is expressed through kissing, correct?"

"Well, yes… but-"

Rei leaned forward, studying his eyes, and quietly whispered, "I find you attractive, Shinji…"

Shinji swallowed, but said nothing.

Realizing that he was still too nervous to make the first move, Rei put her hands on the sides of his face and asked again, "Shinji… do you want to kiss me?"

He let out a shuddery breath. "More than anything…"

Rei smiled faintly… and Shinji forgot to breathe.

_I really, really am stupid…_ he thought, putting his hands on her shoulders, _"No… no thanks, Rei… I don't want to KISS you – that would be too perfect, so I'll have to pass." God… Asuka's right – I AM an idiot._

Rei closed her eyes as Shinji leaned slowly forward, tilting his head to the side. Their lips met slowly… delicately… awkwardly, neither daring to do more than sit in rigid silence.

After only a moment, Rei broke away, her cheeks graced with the palest blush Shinji had ever seen. "I must go," she whispered, "it is late."

Shinji looked at the clock, surprised at how much time had passed since he had pushed pause. Reluctantly, he let her go, looking the other way as she rose and put her bra and shirt back on.

Donning his own shirt, he showed her to the door, wishing they had more time – wishing he could believe that he was awake.

Rei paused at the threshold, "Shinji," she said slowly, "may I… come over again tomorrow afternoon?"

Shinji gave her a look that said, 'you have to ask??' and nodded vigorously.

Nodding to herself, Rei whispered, "Very well… I will see you then."

Frowning as she turned and walked through the door, Shinji thought_, Wait, what about school?_

**_Monday_**

"Aren't you going to walk with me, Asuka?" Shinji whined as Asuka walked out the door for school the next morning. He hated walking alone – in fact, he hated BEING alone in general.

The redhead shot him a withering look. "Walk by yourself, you pervert!"

If the door had not been the motorized kind, she would have slammed it.

Shinji sighed deeply. _Oh well… at least Rei will be there when I get to school._

He daydreamed all the way, imagining all the things the two of them might do together now that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and making himself quite late.

As he walked through the door, he spotted her and waved.

She did not wave back.

Frowning Shinji started to speak, but Hikari Horaki cut him off. "Ikari, please take your seat." As he moved past her she whispered, "You big pervert." He looked at her, surprised, and she smiled at him apologetically, blushing slightly as she pointed at Asuka.

Asuka looked at the ceiling, whistling.

Shinji frowned. _Guess I should have known she would say something to Hikari,_ he thought. He sat down, hoping she was the only one who knew.

On that point, his luck held… but he was entirely unsuccessful at getting Rei's attention, though he tried all day. _Did I… do something wrong?_ he thought sadly as he walked home. _Yesterday we were so close, and now…_

Even though he knew she was not following him, he still looked back over his shoulder at every stoplight, and every empty backward glance made it clearer and clearer that he had done _something_ to lose her affection.

- - - - -

Late Monday afternoon, Misato Katsuragi was surprised by a knock at the apartment door. It being her day off, she was relaxing in the living room with a can of her favorite beer and having a soulful conversation with her warm-water penguin, PenPen. Actually, it was more of a drunken, one-sided conversation, but Misato felt that she had never been closer to a man in her life.

Human or avian.

"Coming, coming…" she muttered as another knock sounded. _Who could that be? We were just getting to the good stuff!_

Misato was not a woman who surprised easily, and she was also quick to hide it when she was, so when she opened the door to find Rei standing there, her eyes went wide and she stared over Rei's shoulder, proclaiming, "That is the biggest mosquito I've EVER seen!"

No one said she was _good_ at hiding her surprise, just _quick_.

Rei waited for the operations director to get over the shock of seeing a big bug, thinking, _For someone with as high a rank as she holds, she is easily excited. Perhaps she has a phobia._

Realizing that the young girl would not have cared if there was a swarm of giant mosquitoes, Misato brought her attention back to her. "Something I can do for you, Rei?"

Rei nodded slightly. "Yes. I would like to speak with Shinji. Is he in?"

Misato's eyes widened slightly at the use of 'Shinji,' but she nodded, taking another drink. "He's in his room… go right in."

Rei bowed. "Thank you, Major Katsuragi."

_Odd girl,_ Misato thought, going to resume her 'conversation.'

Having Misato's invitation, Rei opened Shinji's door and walked in, closing it softly behind herself.

Shinji was lying on the bed with his arm thrown over his eyes, listening to his SDAT – track 25, Rei observed – so he did not notice the young lady's entrance. Her presence became impossible to ignore, though, at she lay down on the bed and rested her head on his chest.

Had he not immediately noticed the blue hair, Shinji may very well have screamed in mortal terror… he was a rather tightly wound boy, after all. As soon as he recovered he said in a sad voice, "Why are you here, Rei?"

Rei looked up at him. "I am here to see you," she said calmly, "is that not correct behavior for a girlfriend?"

Shinji stared at her. "I wasn't so sure that you were after today," his brow furrowed as he remembered the classroom, "don't you like me anymore?"

She looked faintly surprised. "Of course I still like you," she said slowly. "Why would you ask that?"

Shinji turned his head, trying to hide the moisture in his eyes. "You… you wouldn't even talk to me in school today."

Rei nodded her understanding. "I… did not want others to see us touch," she admitted.

"Why? Why not?" Shinji, rubbing quickly at his eyes as he tried desperately to understand the shift back to her old self.

"Because," Rei replied simply, "it is for us, Shinji… you and I." She met his eyes steadily. "You are the only one that makes me feel… that I am special," she said carefully, "I am not… very adept at displaying my emotions, Shinji… will that prevent you from being my boyfriend?"

Shinji shook his head vehemently. "Of course not!" he exclaimed, tentatively wrapping his arms around her, "I just… I didn't know what to think today. It was like yesterday never happened. I thought maybe I had dreamt it."

Rei returned his embrace thankfully. "I… I am… s-sorry," she said awkwardly, unused to having to apologize, "I did not mean to upset you." She rested her head against his neck, once again marveling at the sensation of his skin against hers, "I will… try to be better, but I need some time before I am… able to display my affection for you publicly. Is that alright?"

Shinji nodded, gently stroking the back of her neck. "Take all the time you need, Rei," he answered, unable to hide the note of pitiful gratitude in his voice, "just… as long as I know you still like me."

The First sighed contentedly, then sat up and began taking her shirt off, pleased that this issue had been resolved. A slight frown creased her brow, though, as Shinji leaned forward and laid a hand on hers, stopping her. "What is the matter?" she asked, perplexed. 

Shinji looked at the door, wetting his lips apprehensively. "Umm… Misato's home." Noting Rei's blank stare, he continued, "She might not understand if she were to come in and find us with no clothes on."

Rei tilted her head to the side. "Why should it be an issue?" she asked softly. "You are not involved with her, are you?"

Shinji scratched his head, pretending that he did not hear the second question. "Well, she's an adult," he explained, "but I don't think she thinks _we_ are. Plus: she's my guardian, and she might think that us touching is, ummm… inappropriate."

This, Rei could understand… but she was not to be deterred. Gently she pulled away from him and untucked first her shirt, then his. Pulling each halfway up in the front, she nestled in close to him, her stomach touching his side. She smiled faintly, throwing his sense of balance entirely off.

"Now if she should happen to come in, we will still be clothed," she pointed out reasonably.

Shinji laughed quietly. "Wow… when you make up your mind, you don't let anything stop you, do you?"

Rei ran a hand across his stomach, loving the feel of his skin on her fingertips. "No," she whispered seriously, "I do not, if I can affect the outcome." She looked up at him, "Will you kiss me again?"

Shinji looked at her as if she was crazy for a moment for needing to ask, and then complied.

- - - - -

Tuesday and Wednesday passed in the much the same manner. Shinji would go to school and be quietly tormented by Asuka and ignored by Rei (not that he minded the later… or at least, not _too_ much anyway, since he knew now how she felt), he would then return home and wait for Rei to arrive, and they would spend an hour or two just touching and gently kissing. Shinji loved every second, believing that, as the NERV emblem states, all was right with the world.

Then Thursday arrived… and things started to change.

**_Thursday_**

Rei caught Shinji as he sat alone in his usual lunch spot. _ It is fortunate that Mister Aida and Mister Suzuhara are both out sick today,_ she thought with some relief.

She approached him carefully. "Shinji?" she asked, still looking to make sure she was not observed. He looked up at her, surprised. Bringing her hands out from behind her back, she presented him a small, black box. "I… made this for you," she whispered awkwardly, "I am not very good at preparing meals, but I wanted to do this for you. That is proper behavior for a girlfriend, correct?"

Shinji stared at the box with wide eyes. "Yeah, it is. At least… I'm pretty sure, I mean I've never had a girlfriend before and I-" he cut himself off, averting his eyes. "…thank you, Rei." He took the bento almost gingerly, laying it carefully at his side and – keeping his eyes averted – whispered, "Will you eat it with me?"

Rei studied her feet. "I am still not ready," she said slowly.

Shinji nodded, smiling. "It's ok, I understand." He hesitated, then timidly asked, "Maybe… do you want to come over later…?"

Another faint smile appeared, just at the corners of Rei's lips. "Have I not come to your residence any time in the last four days?" she asked quietly.

Shinji returned the smile, feeling relieved in spite of her level reply. "Then I'll see you this afternoon."

Rei nodded, torn between her desire to stay with him and her fear of being observed by others. "I will see you later," she said finally.

Offering him another soft smile, she turned and walked away.

As she reached the corner, Shinji called out, "Rei?" She turned to him, a questioning look on her face. "Umm… Misato is… not going to be home until late tonight…"

Rei nodded her understanding. _That means that tonight, we may touch as we did on Sunday,_ she thought happily, _how… exhilarating._

- - - - -

Rei came into Shinji's room as she always did; pausing briefly to observe him as he quietly listened to his music. He had asked her repeatedly to tell him what time she would come, but she had flatly refused, never letting herself be pinned down. As a result, he had promised to leave the door unlocked for her on the days he knew she was coming to visit. Of course, the true reason for her reluctance to give a time was simpler than he would have believed: she merely wanted to watch him breathe without him knowing she was there – nothing more.

She walked to his bed and lay down next to him, watching his face as his eyes opened and he smiled. _This smile is so open,_ she thought, feeling a faint sense of warmth in the pit of her stomach, _this smile that he gives only to me._

She would have been surprised to know that her tiny, uncertain smiles had the same effect on him.

Rei laid her finger against his lips as he tried to speak, shaking her head, then leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. _I only want to touch today,_ she thought, hoping he would somehow recognize her wish, _there will be other days to talk… but today I only want to touch. _She ran her hands through his hair, parting the strands one by one with her fingers.

Easily picking up on her desire for quiet – her lips against his also making it difficult to speak – Shinji kissed her back for several minutes, exploring her face with the tips of his fingers._ So she wants silence, does she?_ he thought, amused and intrigued at the same time, _fine… I won't say a word._

He reached tentatively down and pulled her school shirt up, then slowly unbuttoned it and drew it from her shoulders, still kissing her, but ready to stop at the least hint that she was uncomfortable. He broke away from her gently, watching for any sign of resistance as he slid his right hand slowly up to her bra clasp and began to unfasten it.

Rei, who had never really had a problem with being naked, especially with her boyfriend, watched his eyes with a vague sense of amusement. She knew that he was as fascinated with her body as she was with his, and the notion of his skin touching hers in places he had previously deemed 'forbidden' while his guardian was home excited her.

As her bra fell away, she reached down and began to pull his shirt up, but he stopped her with a touch, smiling. Still unwilling to break the silence, Rei arched an eyebrow in question. He smiled nervously and held up a hand, and noticed it trembling.

She waited for a moment, not quite understanding his intent.

Frustrated, Shinji began to speak, but Rei immediately leaned forward and kissed him, forestalling any comment he might have and taking several minutes to make sure her message was clear. _No, Shinji,_ she thought as she pulled away, _do not ruin this quiet._

Now looking a little frightened, Shinji stared into her eyes, thinking as hard as he could, _Is this ok?_

After a moment's hesitation, he reached out and laid his hand lightly on her breast.

Rei's eyes widened as she finally understood his unanswered question, but she made no move to dissuade him. _He is becoming bolder;_ she thought approvingly, _I enjoy this side of him – it is something only for me. _

She leaned forward and kissed him again, reassuring him, then leaned back to see what he would do next.

Swallowing, Shinji carefully explored her breast. _She is so soft…_ he marveled, gliding his fingers across the smooth tissue as delicately as he could.

Rei closed her eyes. _This is… very nice… _she thought, _I did not know that this would be so pleasurable. _She realized she was holding her breath, and let it out in a small sigh.

Taking this as a signal to continue, Shinji gently rolled over so he was resting on top of her and carefully caressed her soft skin. She drew in a sharp breath, then bit her lower lip gently, bringing her hands up to run her fingers slowly through his hair.

_She likes this,_ he thought ecstatically.__

Greatly encouraged, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers once more, still caressing her gently, and tentatively opened his mouth to gingerly run his tongue across her lips.

Rei moaned softly and parted her lips, allowing him access to her mouth. _This is… incredible_, she thought as his tongue clumsily roamed across hers, _he is so gentle with me, and his touch is… is so warm… _she moved her hands down and embraced him, trying to create more pressure.

Her moans intensified as his other hand found her neglected breast. _Yes,_ her mind cried out, _like that_. Unconsciously, she began to gyrate her hips against him, her body trying to seek release for a tension she had previously be entirely unaware of.

Though he did not mean to, Shinji hit the right combination of spots at just the right time… and Rei achieved her first sexual orgasm by his hand. It was not a spectacular one by any stretch, but as first times go it was not bad. He was exploring the roof of her mouth with his tongue and gently caressing both of her breasts when her body suddenly arched against his and she moaned louder than before, crushing his body against hers as lightning ran through her veins, sharpening all of her senses until all she could see, hear, feel, taste, and smell… was him.

Then it was over. She released him and slumped against his bed, her smile the only indication that she was ok. He tried to ask her what was wrong, but she shook her head, still smiling, and kissed him softly. She broke away and rose from the bed. Obviously disappointed, Shinji tried one last time to speak, but she gave him one last, long kiss and pointed to the clock.

His jaw dropped as he realized that they had been kissing and touching for two hours.

Rei refastened her bra and kissed him on the cheek, then mouthed, 'I will see you tomorrow.'

Pulling her shirt over her head, she left without a word.

**_Friday_**

Rei's heart was beating faster than usual as she checked her wristwatch. _I have never been late before,_ she observed, pausing with one hand on the door to the classroom, _and I am… excited. Not in the same manner as Ika- Shinji excites me, but this IS very thrilling._

Her heart seemed to actually skip as she thought of the reason _why_ she was late. _Everyone must see,_ she thought, hardening her resolve, _it is… proper for a girlfriend to display SOME affection. It is important that everyone witnesses, so there can be no doubt. _

With a deep breath, she slid the door to the classroom open, hoping to draw the attention of the entire class.

She was not disappointed. Every eye focused on her, drawn away from the rather dull lecture being held to stare in her direction, causing her determination to waver slightly. As calmly as she could, Rei walked to where Shinji was sitting and stopped, waiting patiently until he stopped casting uneasy glances around the room and looked up at her.

"Umm… he-hello, Ayanami…" he murmured, puzzled by the intensity of her stare.

"Hello, Shinji," Rei replied softly, "I wanted to tell you something."

"W-what is it?"

Slowly, Rei put her hand on top of his, giving him an uncertain half-smile. "I have… had enough time now, Shinji," she said quietly, intensely aware of the class – the teacher included – exploding into a series of whispered, disbelieving conversations.

So saying, she reluctantly reclaimed her hand, continuing towards her seat with a light flush on her cheeks.

As the classroom tried to recover from the shock, Rei glanced back over her shoulder. "I… I would like you to come to my apartment later, will you?"

Shinji just nodded dumbly, his mouth gaping wide open as he realized that now… everyone in the school would know that they were together.

Rei smiled one more time, then took her seat and began staring out the window, ignoring the immediate eruption of cheers and catcalls.

_Yes,_ she thought with some satisfaction, _that 'advice' magazine was correct. This was the best course of action._

- - - - -

They walked to her apartment in the silence of the sunset, neither of them wanting to break the peaceful reverie of the afternoon. Halfway to Rei's apartment, Shinji shyly took her hand in his.

As they entered the apartment, Shinji noticed something out of the ordinary. "You cleaned!" he exclaimed, blushing as he realized how surprised he sounded.

Rei looked at the floor, embarrassed. "Yes," she confessed, "after you straightened for me that day, I wanted to keep it clean." She led him over to the bed and sat down, motioning for him to sit beside her. "Major Katsuragi is not here…" she observed quietly.

Shinji swallowed. "No… she isn't, huh?"

"Shinji," Rei whispered, "I… would like to feel your skin against mine. All of your skin."

With that, she got to her feet and slowly undressed, watching him the entire time. Her school jumper… her socks… her button-up shirt – all slowly, quietly slid to the floor.

As she got to her underclothes, Shinji said, "Rei… are you… umm… sure you want to… umm… what exactly _do _you want, Rei?"

Rei paused with her fingers wrapped loosely around the clasp of her bra. "I want to be naked with you, Shinji," she said quietly, her tone indicating that this should be clear – especially based on their prior activities and conversation.

Shinji blushed. "Oh," he whispered, not sure if he was relieved or disappointed, "I thought you wanted to… you know what?" he said quickly, "Never mind what I thought."

Rei's cheeks were graced with a pale blush as she realized what Shinji was thinking. "Is that… something you desire?" she asked, her eyes falling to the floor.

Shinji waved his hands, a look of consternation on his face. "No! I mean… well, yes, but…" he took a deep breath, forcing himself to be calm. "I would _love_… to be with you, Rei." He smiled timidly. "I'm sorry," he said softly, "I don't ever want to lie to you, so… yes, some day I would like to… to…" he trailed off, unable to say the words.

"Make love to me?" Rei supplied levelly.

Shinji nearly choked on his own tongue, taking another, steadying breath and wondering how it was possible for her to look sexier with just a little bit of clothing on than entirely naked. "Yes Rei," he nodded, "some day when we're both ready."

Rei considered this. "I believe… I would enjoy that," she whispered, raising her eyes. "But I believe… that I am ready now."

Slowly, she unclasped her bra.

Shinji swallowed laboriously. "You're… very pretty, Rei…" he said lamely, not quite knowing if he should admire her body or not – and not quite letting himself believe that he had heard what he thought he had heard.

"I am… unremarkable," Rei said coolly. She met his eyes as he blinked, uncertain of how to reply, and held out her right hand. "Will you let me touch you?"

Shinji nodded, taking her hand as she sat on the edge of the bed. After a moment spent quietly (guiltily) admiring her near-naked body, he averted his eyes, shifting uncomfortably on the bed at her side and staring at the floor between his feet.

"May I undress you?"

"Y-yeah… yeah, ok…"

Rei rose to her feet, turning to face Shinji and slowly encouraging him to follow. When he stood, she slowly began slipping the buttons on his shirt free of their restraints, finding herself reminded rather forcibly of the first time they had touched.

_He is… shaking,_ Rei thought, carefully easing his shirt up out of his pants and sliding it down over his shoulders, _or am I? Perhaps we both are._

As Shinji's shirt hit the floor, Rei wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his shoulder and gently caressing his back until the shivers running through his body abated. "You are… very thin," she said awkwardly, reaching down to pull his dark blue undershirt up around his waist.

"M-Misato s-says I should e-eat more," Shinji stammered, automatically raising his hands as she pulled his undershirt the rest of the way off, "I- oh…"

Soft warmth pressed gently against his chest, driving any thoughts of nourishment quickly from his mind.

"This," Rei said quietly, the note of satisfaction in her tone unmistakable, "is nice."

_You could say that,_ Shinji's feverish mind quickly agreed. _Just-_

Again, Shinji's thought pattern was disrupted as Rei's slim fingers slipped across the front of his slacks, carefully capturing the pull-tab on his zipper and slowly easing it down, then pulling the small metal clasp at the top free of its loop.

With a soft whisper, Shinji's pants slid down to the floor, allowing him to step out of them with a nervous chuckle. "S-so," he managed, looking anywhere but at Rei. "It, ummm… it was a nice day today."

Rei said nothing for a moment, forcing him to bring his eyes up to meet hers. When they did, she whispered, "Please… tell me why you do not want to make love to me."

Caught off-guard, Shinji replied with the only half-way reasonable answer his mind could wrap itself around.

"You could… get pregnant."

"I do not believe that I am capable of bearing children," Rei said softly, "I do not have a monthly cycle."

Shinji averted his eyes again. "O-oh."

Rei waited until he lifted his head once more, and slowly, gently kissed him.

"If you love someone," she asked as they parted, "and you know in your heart that you only want to be with them… should lovemaking not be the next step in the relationship?"

"Well," Shinji said reluctantly, "if you're ready to take that step I gu- wait!" His mouth worked for several moments as he stared at her, his eyes wide with shock. "Wh-what did… you just say?"

Rei blinked. "I said, 'should lovemaking-"

"No, no!" Shinji cut in, "Before that! The… the part about… l-love…"

"If you love someone, and-"

Shinji gently put one finger over her mouth, bowing his head as a strong tremor shook his body. Slowly, he pulled her into his arms, putting his mouth right next to her ear, and when he spoke, the pure _misery_ in his voice took Rei's breath away.

"If you're saying that you love me… and you're lying… I will _never_ forgive you. Do you understand? No one has ever said that to me, Rei, and if you say it, and you don't really mean it – I mean, if you only _think_ you… damn it… I can't even say it again – but if you're only saying th-that because you think I want to hear it, I-"

"I love you."

Rei felt Shinji's body go stiff in her arms.

"That is your concern?" she asked quietly, "that I am insincere?" She waited for him to give a hesitant nod, letting out a soft sigh as he tightened his hold on her – acting almost as if she was about to tell him that she _was_ being false – before whispering, "No one has ever used those words with me either, Shinji, and I would not say them if I did not mean them. I am… I _do_ love you," she said slowly, surprised to find that she had never really considered vocalizing the emotion she had been feeling for the past few days, "and I want you to love me too."

Slowly, the shivers that dominated Shinji's body subsided, leaving the couple standing in perfect silence by Rei's beside. Neither spoke for well over a minute; they simply… touched, their hands moving unconsciously over each other's bodies as they tangled with the question, 'what happens now?'

Finally, Shinji took a deep breath.

"I think-

"Be one with me, Shinji," Rei said abruptly, pulling away to study his face, "since you first touched me, I have wanted to be one with you – body and soul. Do you not feel the same?"

For a very long minute, Shinji simply stared at her bed, his mind a complete confusion of right, wrong, love, lust, passion, reason, and the maddening awareness of her nudity, so close to his body. If he said no… what would become of their relationship? …what would become of it if he said yes? It was all so complicated – like trying to figure out thermal dynamics, only without the pleasing mental image of running ones hands over soft-

_That's not helping…_ he thought, finally turning to face her one last time, _she loves me. So if I love her, this is ok… right?_

He closed his eyes, painfully aware of just how much of a justification this train of thought was… but finding that it was the closest he had to the real truth.

And Real Truth, in his opinion, was something best not faced. Ever.

After what seemed like an eternity, Shinji gently pulled free of Rei's embrace, reaching down and drawing the covers on her bed back with a hand that would not quite stop shaking. Nodding, Rei slipped her panties off and slid under the covers, waiting patiently for Shinji to follow suit.

When he finally did, taking her in his arms and tugging the covers up over their nakedness, Rei knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt… that she was loved.

Continued… 

Author's notes: OK! Anyone familiar with this story will notice immediately what's missing from this version – the sex. :P Hey, I had to make it clear – not everyone's read it… though it is interesting to note that the story ended up being LONGER after the sex scene was cut – go figure. **_shrug_** What might not be clear (from the length of time it's been since the last update and loss of memory due to waiting forever) is how much has changed. I reworked a lot of the dialogue, for one thing, making it – hopefully – not quite as cheesy, and I tried to do a better job of characterizing (especially Shinji and Rei) and added detail to the scenes, to really try to get as close to EVA as I possibly could. Now some might argue that Shinji and Rei having sex is so out of character that it's laughable. Obviously, this fic is not for you – but then again, the first version probably wasn't either. :) But hopefully, for those that liked the first version (or even thought it was so-so) this version will be a truer, easier, more enjoyable read, and I dedicate it to you.

Pre-read on this chapter was done by Akodo Tim, who I knew would never let one Rei mischaracterization go unchecked (damn Rei fan :P), Ryoma, who I knew would never pass up a chance to read ANYTHING with sex in it (damn hentai fan :P), and LeperMessiah, who absolutely refuses to put his stamp of approval on anything that's even remotely flawed (damn perfectionist :P).

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing random1377yahoo.com


	2. Awakenings and Anger

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Touch'

By Random1377

Part 2 – Awakenings and Anger

Shinji was roused from his slumber by a gentle nudge.  He mumbled and tried to roll away from the source of the irritation, but his progress in the opposite direction was halted by the presence of a certain blue-headed Miss Ayanami – Rei, to him… especially after the previous night.  He opened his eyes and smiled at the sleeping girl, thinking how beautiful she looked in the pale, early-morning light.

The smile froze on his lips as the nudge repeated itself, the cold hard feel of metal sharply contrasting the warm soft feel of her breath on his neck.  He swallowed and carefully rotated his eyes to face the nudger.

Shinji's eyes widened as he found himself staring down – or rather, up – the long barrel of a silenced pistol held by none other than his father, Gendou Ikari.  Shinji drew a breath to speak, but Gendou took one hand from the pistol and laid a finger against his lips, whispering, "You would not want to wake the First Child with a lot of needless screaming, now would you?"

The boy slowly shook his head, his eyes wide as his bottom lip trembled – _trying_ to form the words 'don't hurt her – whatever you do to me, just promise you won't hurt her' but finding speech impossible.

Gendou's lips quirked into an almost-smile. "Excellent." He eased the hammer of the gun back, all traces of a smile now gone. "Explain yourself, Third Child.  I can see," his eyes flicked to the bundle of discarded sheets in the corner, "that I am too late to stop you from defiling her, but I _will_ know the reason behind your attack before I reprimand you."

Shinji winced, the title of 'Third Child' hitting him like a slap. _My father…_ he thought hysterically, _I'm going to be killed by my own father!  _He collected himself and spoke in as calm a voice as he could muster, "Rei… Rei invited me… here…"

Gendou's eyes narrowed and his voice filled with ice. "It would be most unwise for you to lie to me."  He depressed the trigger halfway, and a small red dot appeared on Shinji's forehead. "The truth this time, if you please."

Shinji did not know much about guns, but he figured that ANY caliber bullet would kill him at this range, and he had nowhere to go… not that he would leave Rei alone in that situation in any case.

Fortunately, he was saved from the unenviable question of 'which lie will NOT get me killed' by the timely awakening of his new lover.  Pulling his eyes away from the gun, he turned to face her as she yawned and snuggled closer to him, meeting her eyes as they slowly slid open.  "Good morning…" she whispered, kissing his trembling lips.  She blinked as he looked away, focusing his attention on something behind her. "What is the…" she trailed off as she looked past Shinji, taking in the additional person in the room.  "Commander Ikari, why are you here?" she asked, her voice altogether too calm, in Shinji's opinion. 

He risked a look at his father, and almost fell out of the bed as he found the man sitting calmly in a chair, with no trace of a gun in sight.

The Commander's voice was controlled, but held a slight edge. "I came to check on you, Rei," he said calmly, "Section two reported that you had a guest, but that he did not leave. I was… concerned…"

Rei yawned again, oblivious to the tension in her young lover's body as she pressed even closer to him. "You should not have concerned yourself, Commander," she said softly, "I was with Shinji."

Gendou's brow pulled down into a full-on scowl. "Did he force himself on you Rei?" he whispered dangerously. "Do not lie to me – I saw the sheets…"

Rei blinked.  "Force himself?" she echoed. "No… he did not."  She leaned forward, resting her head on Shinji's chest to get a better look at the Commander.  "Shinji would not do such a thing." 

Shinji felt himself flush as the girl defended him, wondering if she had any idea that she was saving his life.

Gendou looked confused, a very rare occurrence – and one that Shinji secretly enjoyed more than any experience he had previously had.  "But… the blood, and you are naked and…" he trailed off, for once at a loss for words as he leaned forward, clearly eager to get to the bottom of what he viewed as an unmitigated debacle.

Rei met his eyes. "We did make love…" she admitted, "but I initiated it."

Gendou literally fell off of his chair.  Quickly getting back to his feet, he cleared his throat and rumbled, "Why… would you do that, Rei?  Are you unwell?" 

Though Shinji resented the implication that Rei would have to be sick to sleep with him, he wisely said nothing, keeping in mind that guns do not just vanish into thin air.

It was Rei's turn to frown, even if it was only a faint creasing of her normally clear brow. "I did it because I love him," she said plainly, "and he loves me."

Gendou was having a very hard time accepting the fact that his doll was in love with his son. _This should not have happened,_ he thought angrily, _this should not have been ABLE to happen… there were… safeguards._  He composed himself quickly.  "I do not approve of this," he said sternly, "Third Child, leave immediately – I must speak with Rei alone."

Shinji moved to rise from the bed, but was stopped as Rei wrapped her arms around his waist, looking at Gendou with a small frown.

The Commander frowned deeply. "Rei," he said sternly, "let him leave."

Rei averted his eyes. "I… will not," her voice was barely above a whisper as, for the first time in her life, she denied her commander.  "I do not wish to be alone anymore, sir."

Gendou's voice was like iron as he said, "Rei… you do not know what you are doing. Getting involved in a physical relationship with… him…" his lip curled, "is… distasteful."

Shinji looked from his father to Rei, confused.  He licked his lips, but Rei spoke before he could, keeping her eyes on Gendou the whole time. "I will tell him… the truth." Gendou opened his mouth, but Rei kept talking, "I… have always obeyed orders without question, but… I am happy with Shinji."  She took a deep breath.  "Please do not take that from me… I will obey in all other matters."  She held his eyes, awaiting his reply with barely visible tension.

_Please._

Gendou calculated the inconvenience of this turn of events weighed against the inconvenience of releasing another clone.  _So much can go wrong…_ he thought, remembering that this Rei was the second _successfully_ released one.  There were many… failures.

"If this affects your ability to pilot, either one of you – even a point," he began, his tone cold, "I will ensure that you never see one another again…  and I _will_ find a way to stop this…" he grimaced, "affair."  He seemed about to add something, but then turned and left the apartment without saying anything further.

- - - - -

Neither Child said anything for several minutes after he had gone, soaking in the heavy atmosphere as they pondered his final promise.  Shinji broke the silence first. "Rei…" he said hesitantly, "what did he mean when he said it would be distasteful?"

Rei did not raise her head from his chest, but he felt a shudder run through her body. "He…" she sat up abruptly and looked at him, "Shinji… do you love me?"

"Y-yes…" he said, uncomfortable with the intense look she gave him.

"I have read that love will conquer any problem… do you believe this to be true?" Rei whispered, her voice holding a soft tremor as she realized there was no way to avoid this inevitable conversation even one moment longer.

"I… I don't know…" Shinji murmured, "I guess.  What is this about, Rei?"

"Shinji, I need to tell you something," Rei lowered her gaze apprehensively, "but I am… scared that you will not love me anymore."  Seeing his confused expression, she knew that the only way to proceed was with honesty.

Her shoulders slumping as she slowly brought her lips to his ear, Rei quietly confessed to him the secrets of her origin.

As she spoke, Shinji's eyes got progressively wider.  "My mother?" he whispered.

Rei nodded, wishing he would meet her eyes.  "I… did not want to tell you… please do not hate me… " she began shivering against him as emotions she had never even contemplated before overtook her.  _Please…_ her mind entreated, _please stay with me._

Shinji lay limp, barely aware of the girl next to him. _She's a clone… mother…_

They lay that way for some time:  Rei against Shinji's chest… Shinji with tears running silently down his face… neither able to make a sound.

After a while, Rei swallowed and spoke against his neck. "Shinji, do you… hate me?" she held her breath, suddenly terrified of his response.

_I should not have told him,_ she thought grimly.__

"I don't… know, Rei…" Shinji said quietly.  Rei lifted her head and slowly brought her lips to his, but a moment before they met, Shinji cried, "NO!" pushing her away and getting out of the bed.  He stood with his back to her. "I… I'm sorry…" he stammered, "I can't… I can't be here right now…"  He drew his pants and shirt on, nearly tearing them with the force he used.

Rei stood and reached a trembling hand towards him. "Please… please do not leave…" she said softly, a cold wave washing over her naked frame as she finally understood just how devastating this news must be.

After a moment's silence Shinji spoke with some difficulty.  "Do you… do you love me because… because you're made from… _her_?" Rei said nothing for a moment, stunned at the very thought. "Please," he said, his voice desperate as he whirled around and reached out, roughly grasping her by the upper arms in his panic and confusion.  "I… I _need_ to know!"

"Shinji, you are… hurting me…"

"Please… please tell me…" more tears rolled down his cheeks, though he _did_ lighten his grip.  "I have to know if this is real…"

"It is only my flesh…" Rei whispered, staring into his eyes, "nothing more.  Everything else that I am is mine…" she leaned closer, "my love for you is mine and no one else's…"

Shinji stepped out of her reach as she tried to kiss him once more, wiping his eyes fiercely. "I can't be with you right now Rei… it's… it's too much…" he backed away, finally hitting the door.  "I'm… sorry…" he cried, running from the quiet apartment where the pale girl stood… the girl who looked so much like his mother.

Rei collapsed to her knees, the strength leaving her body in a rush. "Please…" she whispered to the now empty room, "please…"

She bowed her head, closing her eyes as her mind struggled to comprehend what had just happened.  _I should not have told him,_ she thought, desperately thinking of plausible scenarios to recover from this situation.  _No, telling him was right… I do not wish to lie to him, so I must… find a way to convince him that I-_

Rei blinked her eyes open as she felt something warm and damp patter onto her leg.  "Is this a tear?" she whispered dully.  "Am I the one who is crying…?"

For a long, long moment, she sat still, staring at the tear on her leg and pondering her course of action.  Finally, she rose to her feet and began gathering her clothes, displaying an air of determination that might have been shocking to anyone familiar with her normally calm expression.

It must not end this way – the idea was completely unacceptable.  She simply could not lose what she had so recently found… not if there was any way she could affect the outcome.  Fifteen minutes after Shinji's departure, Rei was dressed and on her way out of her apartment to look for answers, knowing only that she could not allow this fragile, wonderful feeling to leave her life without a fight.

- - - - -

To put it mildly: Gendou Ikari was NOT amused.  "Akagi," he said, holding down a button on his phone, "my office… now."  He released the button, not giving her a chance to reply.

Kouzou Fuyutsuki, NERV's second in command, stood behind his former student, his hands clasped firmly behind his back and a neutral expression on his aged face. "Problems, Ikari?" he asked placidly.

"It involves the First and the Third," Gendou said flatly, "it is what we feared,"

Fuyutsuki nodded, biting back his instinctive reply of 'what _you_ feared, you mean.'

"I see… have they…?"

"Yes," Gendou's voice was sharp.  "They have."

"I see," the older man said again, finding himself at a loss for words.

A moment later, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi walked into the room, obviously upset about being interrupted.  "You needed me?" she said, slightly archly.  "I _do_ have an entire division under me, you know, so unless this is important, I will-"

"The First and Third child have engaged in intercourse," Gendou cut in sharply, "I need to know possible repercussions."

To her credit, Ritsuko's mouth hung open for no more than three seconds. "Yes," she said, regaining her composure, "umm… aside of the possible danger of sexually transmitted diseases, which is highly unlikely as both of them are – were – virgins, the percentage chance of uterine cancer in Rei would increase by-"

Gendou cut her off. "I want to know if there are going to problems with either of them piloting, doctor," he said coldly, "Please try to remain focused on what's at stake here."

Ritsuko swallowed and nodded. "Yes sir…" she said quietly, "I do not foresee any problems, but I will call them all in for sync tests on Monday to confirm. Will that be all?"

"No, it will not," he replied flatly. "Fuyutsuki, leave us.  There is a… personal matter I need to discuss with the doctor." 

His pause on the word personal was the older man's cue.

Fuyutsuki found it to be an odd little custom.  He knew what they did when he left the room, and he knew that _they_ knew of his knowledge… yet they still kept up the pretense of discussing a 'personal' matter.  _The result of not trusting anyone for so long… _he mused as he bowed and took his leave.

As soon as the door was closed, Gendou spoke.  

"Come here."

Ritsuko's heartbeat picked up its pace. _He's angry…_ she thought, moving slowly towards his desk, _he's so… passionate when he's angry._  She wet her lips in anticipation.  As she reached him, he pulled her to him and kissed her hungrily.

Ritsuko Akagi was not a stupid woman – she knew that Gendou Ikari did not love her. The thing that would surprise most people to know about her is that she didn't care.  She loved _him_, and he deigned her worthy of spending time with – even if it was mostly time spent in loveless couplings like this one – so she was marginally happy.

And marginal happiness was better than no happiness.

Gendou broke the kiss long enough to grab her shirt at the collar and tear it from her body, inadvertently scratching her in the process.  Her body shivered as it was exposed to the cold air of his office, her smooth skin glowing pink in the harsh red light of the tree of Sephiroth depicted overhead.  The small line of blood at her throat went unnoticed by both of them as he removed her bra.

_He's only like this for me…_ she thought, throwing her head back and gasping as he fondled her roughly, _…only me._

He pushed her onto his desk, quickly sliding her skirt up her legs and unzipping his pants.  He tore her panties off of her body with one sharp yank and stepped between her legs.  Soon her moans of pleasure filled the cold office…

…though they made no impression on his cold heart.

- - - - -

Shinji wandered through the streets of Tokyo-3 with his head down and his hands deep in his pockets, taking no notice of where he was heading as his already-overloaded mind grappled desperately with the issue he was faced with: what now?

_Mother…_ he thought, randomly making a right turn as he continued on his rambling path.  _What should I do?  I can't just… pretend I don't care – she's a clone of my MOTHER!  I can't keep going out with her, can I?  She said it's just her flesh but… but maybe she doesn't even know it herself._

"And even if it IS just her body," he muttered to himself, "doesn't that make it… like… incest??"

He grimaced at the thought, making another turn and heading down a sunny, narrow side-street.  _She said she's only a 'partial clone,' whatever that means,_ he thought, feeling rather tired, _so maybe… it's ok, right?  Or – what am I thinking??  She's not… normal._ 

He sighed wearily.

"Then why do I still l-"

"Oh, hey!  Ikari!!  Over here!"

Shinji blinked, looking around in confusion. 

"Over here, dumbass!"

"Touji?"

Shinji's friend, Touji Suzuhara, rolled his eyes in disgust.  "Who did you think it was," he snorted, "Megumi Hayashibara?"

"Who?"

"You don't know who Megumi is?" Touji's jaw fell open.  "Dude, she's like, the most popular pre-Impact idol _ever!_  I thought you knew music stuff!"

Shinji stared at his feet.  "I like classical."

Throwing his hands up in defeat, Touji muttered, "What a loser.  Anyway, what are you doing around here?"  He grinned suddenly.  "Did you just leave Ayanami's?  Lucky bastard."

_Did I just leave…?_

Glancing around, Shinji frowned, realizing that his aimless rambling had brought him in a semi-circular route back to Rei's neighborhood.  "I was just… walking," he said, carefully avoiding the topic.  "See you around…"

Touji pursed his lips.  "You don't have to get all pissy, dude," he grumbled, falling in at Shinji's side as the boy started to walk off.  "I thought we were friends."

"We are," Shinji said quietly, "I just don't feel like talking right now, that's all."

"That's cool," Touji shrugged, "but man, that frown shit has got to go.  If you don't feel like talking, let's go hit the arcade, or the batting cages."  He let out a long sigh.  "I just came from visiting Kimiko, so I want to go do _something_ you know?"

Shinji grimaced at the mention of Touji's sister Kimiko.  The girl had been injured in the third angel's attack – largely, Shinji felt, because he had been so slow to fight back.  "Is she ok?"

Touji nodded, looking around as Shinji turned, seemingly for no reason, down another street.  "Yeah, she's doing better," he said absently, "the doctors said she should be able to walk again in a couple more weeks or so… hey, where are you _going_, man??"

"Just walking," the other boy whispered, wishing very much that his friend would leave him in peace.

Unfortunately for him, Touji was not feeling very much like going anywhere.  "Just walking, huh?" he mused, grinning as a girl from the class below them walked past, blushing as she caught Touji's eye and covering her mouth to stifle a childish giggle.  "Well just 'walk' with me down to Kensuke's place with me and see if how his mono's doing, k?  Come on – you're not doing anything anyway… and he's not infectious anymore, he just can't leave the house."

Shinji's teeth clenched together.  "Look, I just want to be alo-"

"Whoa," Touji cut in, coming to a halt and raising his hands, "what's with the tone, Ikari?  Don't make me kick your ass right here on the street."

"Sorry," Shinji whispered, "having a bad day, that's all."

Touji nodded sagely.  "Yeah, it must be tough getting invited over to some hot girl's house," he said sarcastically, "I was trying not to ask about it because you're so damn touchy about stuff all the time, but don't tell me – with a girl like _her_ digging your scene – that you're having a bad day!"

_You don't understand!_ Shinji thought, clenching his hands into fists.  _She's not the person you think she is… she's a clone – of my MOTHER!!  So tell me, since you know everything all of the sudden, what I'm supposed to do about that!?_

Though all of these words raged through his mind, the only ones that came to his lips were, "You don't understand…"

"Not if you don't say shit," Touji shot back.  "You know what?  You're right, I don't get it.  You're always complaining that no one understands, but you never tell anyone what you're thinking!  What are we supposed to do, read your mind!?  Fucking throw me a bone here, Ikari!"

For a long minute, Shinji simply stood in silence, his hands opening and closing at his sides as he tried unsuccessfully to put his thoughts into words.  Ultimately failing in this endeavor, he simply shook his head and turned away, shoving his hands into his pockets and walking away.

Touji watched him go, rubbing his forehead as the boy slowly made his way down the street.  When Shinji reached the corner, Touji called, "Hey Ikari…"

"What?" Shinji asked without turning around.

"I'm gonna drop by 'Suke's, then hit the batting cages," Touji said coolly, "if you get that stick out of your ass, drop by and we'll get something to eat or something.  If you don't feel like talking, that's cool, you can just listen."  He lowered his voice, sticking his hands in his pockets.  "It doesn't always have to be about you…"

After a moment of silence, Shinji nodded and continued on his way.

- - - - -

Rei waited patiently outside of the Commander's office, keeping her emotions in check with practice born of 7 years experience in the subject.  She never was sure if she was like this in her younger years, as much of her life before the age of eight was blurry and vague, but since that time she had carefully cultivated the ability to keep her feelings and thoughts hidden below a mask of calm disinterest and detachment – like a goddess watching over the mildly amusing lives of the mortals so far beneath her.

Or, in short, she did her best to emulate her mentor and guardian, Gendou Ikari.

_He does not approve of this relationship,_ she thought, glancing briefly at the closed door to the man's office before going back to her cool study of the floor at her feet.  _Perhaps this is not the best course of action, but I cannot think of another option at this point._

She frowned faintly as she realized just how limited her resources were in the area of relationships and personal interactions.  There was only Shinji – who did not want to talk to her… the Commander who did not want to talk to her, and – hopefully…

"Doctor Akagi."

Ritsuko very nearly cried out as she stepped out of Gendou's office and carefully closed the door.  "Rei!" she gasped, unconsciously straightening her skirt and pulling her lab coat a little tighter to hide her exposed body.  "Excuse me, I was just leaving. The Commander will see you in a moment."

"I am not looking for the Commander," Rei replied, following the woman as she moved off down the hallway, "I am looking for you."

"Why would you think you would find me here?" Ritsuko laughed nervously, wetting her lips and glancing around to see if anyone else could hear their conversation.

_Why would you think I would want to talk to YOU at all?_ she thought angrily, her nostrils flaring as the warm feeling of euphoria she had left Gendou's office with quickly dissipated.

Rei dismissed the question entirely, feeling that it would be useless to point out that Doctor Akagi's relationship with the Commander was NOT as closely guarded a secret as the woman thought it was and cutting straight to the point.

"I would like your advice."

Ritsuko came up short.  "Excuse me?"

Rei stopped as well.  "I would like your advice on my relationship with Shinji," she said plainly.

"What… relationship?" Ritsuko asked uneasily.

_Underestimated her again, didn't you?_ she berated herself as the First Child simply stared at her expectantly.  _The Commander knows… so she knows that I'll know.  God, I'll bet she even knows what we do in there._

"It's not my concern," she said finally, folding her arms over her breasts.  "Do what you want with him – why would I care?"

Rei nodded, expecting this level of apathy – or worse – but pressing forward anyway.  "He… rejected me when he found out my nature," she said quietly, "I would like your advice on how to convince him that I-"

Ritsuko threw her head back and laughed, cutting the girl off.  "Oh… oh you have to be _kidding_ me!" she gasped, doubling over.  "You want me to help you get back together with a boy that rejected you because you're a genetic clone of his mother?? HA!!" 

She rose to her full height, her laughter stopping in an instant.  "Why do you think I'd help you?" she asked, her voice taking on a hard edge as she confessed, "I'm not your friend, Rei, I just work with you."

If Rei was upset by this comment, she made no sign.  "Because you have experience in these matters and I do not," she said calmly.

"What experience do you think I have?" Ritsuko snorted.

Rei considered this for a moment, wondering what she had hoped to gain by speaking with this venomous woman.  "Because your current lover was also involved with your mother," she said quietly, "and it does not seem to affect your decision to be with h-"

Ritsuko's palm cracked loudly against Rei's cheek, making the girl's ears ring.  "That's none of your business!!" the blonde hissed, her voice shaking with rage.  "Keep your fucking nose out of my life!"

Slowly, Rei brought her face back around.  "Understood," she said quietly, offering the older woman a polite bow.  "Thank you for your time, Doctor Akagi."

In spite of herself, Ritsuko shivered.  _Cold,_ she thought immediately, _even though she's learning what it's like to have a lover's touch, she's still cold as ice…_

- - - - -

"I'm home," Shinji called, slipping his shoes off and making his way into the apartment.  "Misato?  Asuka?  …anyone here?"

_Maybe they're gone,_ he thought hopefully, _then__ I can just go lie down and think – or better yet, NOT think!_

"Quiet down," Misato called, "We're in the kitchen… come here for a sec."

"Umm, ok."

Shinji made his way into the living room, frowning as he found Asuka and Misato both sitting at the table with identical, mischievous grins on their faces.  "…hi?"

"Hey," Misato said brightly.  "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing," Shinji replied quietly, "just… kinda tired.  Think I'll have a nap."

Misato popped the top on what looked like her third beer.  "What's your hurry?" she laughed, "grab a seat… talk to us for a sec."

Shinji groaned internally, but did as he was told, keeping his eyes on the table. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked as politely as he could.

Asuka's grin grew exponentially.  "Nothing really," she said absently.  "We were just wondering… where you were last night."

Shinji paled and looked from Asuka to Misato, then back to the table.  "I was… I was at a friend's house…" he blushed deeply.

Asuka's smile widened considerably more. "Whose house, Shinji?" 

"You're so off on this," Misato giggled, taking a quick sip of her beer, "give the guy a break."

"No, no," Asuka replied, still smiling at Shinji, "I'm really curious."

Shinji knew exactly where the conversation was going… though short of either knocking Asuka to the ground and running out, or faking sudden, severe memory loss, he did not see any way to avoid answering the question. "I was at… Kensuke's house…" he murmured, mentally crossing his fingers as he tried one last ditch effort.

"Really?" said Asuka, her smile fading a bit, "wasn't he…" _sick?_

"R-really," Shinji whispered, swallowing hard.  "We… played video games and stuff, so I was… really tired, so I slept in – that's why I got home so late."  He licked his lips.  "Touji was there, too… you can ask him."

_Just give me a minute to call him first…_

"And you can't call to tell me that?" Misato yawned, quickly losing interest as the promised 'juicy news' seemed to disappear into thin air.  "I was going to call your cell, but I figured it was your day off, and you said you were going to be out late.  No big deal." 

_Could check with Section Two, I guess, _she thought idly, _but really… who cares?  So he spent the night at a friend's house… big deal…._

Asuka pursed her lips as Shinji rose to his feet.  _Something… bad happened, didn't it?_ she thought astutely, _I could just ask him, I guess, but there's no way he'd tell me – especially after I put him on the spot._  She shrugged as Shinji excused himself.  _Hey… why didn't I blow his cover??  I could have made him look like the idiot he is right in front of Misato… so why didn't I?  Why do I care about this?_

The answer, of course, was obvious: the dark, haunted look in Shinji's eyes as he wandered off to his bedroom.

_It would have been like going after wounded prey…_

With a sigh, and a mental promise to pay more attention to see if she could find out what was going on, Asuka got up and headed into the living room to watch television.

- - - - -

Roughly two hours later, Misato found herself in the kitchen once more, taking a long pull from her sixth beer and trying to keep from answering the question posed to her as long as she could as the young woman opposite her patiently waited for a reply.  _Man, how do I get into these situations?_ she wondered, slowly setting the can down and licking her lips.

Taking a deep breath she said, "I was nineteen… it happened at college."

"Was it painful?"

Misato averted her eyes, running a finger down the side of her beer can to buy herself another moment.  "Yeah," she admitted, "it was… the first time."

"But you continued to do it."

"Yeah," Misato blew out a sharp breath, making the papers on the kitchen table flutter.  "Look," she said quietly, "I'm… not really the best person to ask about this kind of stuff, you know?  I don't mind answering your questions, but I'm sure there's someone that could give you much better information on this kind of stuff than me."  She forced a smile, and gestured around the room.  "As you can see, I'm not exactly an expert on relationships."

The girl nodded.  "I understand that," she said calmly.  "But it would be… appreciated, if you could assist me in this.  I could not think of anyone else to ask."

Misato sighed.  "It's not a problem," she said carefully.  "If it means that much to you, I'll do my best, ok?  But like I said, I'm not an expert here, so don't take everything I say as gospel, alright?"

"Understood."

There was a moment of silence.

"So your first sexual experience was with Mister Kaji?"

Misato tried not to flinch.  "Th-that's right," she confirmed, toying with her beer before taking another long pull.  "We… yeah, that's right."

_God, don't make me go into this,_ she begged mentally, _it's been a long day…_

Unfortunately, the girl nodded and coolly asked, "Why did you separate?"

_Damn it…_

"There was… someone else," Misato replied awkwardly, using the same, decade-old lie she had used with Kaji.  "It just wasn't working out, and… there was someone else."

"So you said," the girl murmured.  "Did you love Mister Kaji?"

Misato swallowed the last of her beer, wishing suddenly that it was a full can – or better yet, a keg – so she could just keep drinking and never answer.  Finally, however, the drink was empty, and she set it down, quietly whispering, "I… can't answer that question for you, Rei.  It's too personal, I'm sorry."

"Understood," the First Child nodded, pausing for a moment before whispering, "Would you like to be with him again?"

"You trying to fix me up?" Misato asked, trying to lighten the mood.  When the blue-haired girl simply stared at her, she said, "I don't know… sometimes when I see him in the halls and I'm feeling lonely, yeah, but most of the time I think about all of the reasons we had to end it, and I realize it was for the best."

Rei considered her next question very carefully.  "Does seeing him and knowing what was once between you not hurt?"

"Well of course it does," Misato said, exasperated, "but then…"  She blinked, nearly slapping herself as she thought about how many times Rei had come to visit over the last few weeks.  "Why the sudden interest, Rei?  Is there… something else you want to ask me about?"

_I'm so blind,_ she thought as Rei stared silently at the table.  _I mean, I know she's been coming over for the past week or so, but… but I thought it was for school or NERV or something.  I mean it's Rei – REI, for Heaven's sake!  I didn't even think there COULD be something between-_

"If there was," Rei answered finally, her soft, cool voice never rising or falling, "would you be willing to discuss your own experiences?"

Before Misato could reply, the television in the living room clicked off, and Asuka walked quietly into the kitchen.

"Souryu."

"Ayanami."

Misato leaned back in her chair, trying to distance herself from the unhealthy energy flowing between the Children.  _Not getting between THOSE two,_ she thought, _She__ didn't even call Rei Wondergirl for crying out loud… this is just… bad._

"Got a sec?" Asuka asked coolly.

"No," Rei replied flatly, "I am talking to Major Katsuragi."

Asuka's eyes flicked to her commanding officer, then back to Rei.  "I don't think she has the answer you're looking for," she said slowly, "and… if I'm right about what you're asking, only one person does."

Rei averted her eyes.  "Your opinion is noted," she said coolly, rising to her feet. "I… should be going.  Goodbye."

Misato rubbed her eyes.  "Wait," she said tiredly, "you don't have to go, Rei, I-"

"Let her," Asuka cut in quietly, "she needs to think."

Nodding, Rei turned towards the door.  "Yes…"

As the First Child left, Misato looked up at Asuka.  "What was that about?" she asked quietly.  "Something's gone wrong with them, hasn't it?  Why are you getting into it?"

"I'm not," Asuka said enigmatically, "I'm helping."

"Who, exactly?"

The redhead turned to her, smiling faintly as she replied, "Goodnight, Misato."

- - - - -

Somehow, Saturday and Sunday passed without any trips to NERV, leaving Shinji some time to think.  Unfortunately, he was not able to reach any further conclusion than the fact that no conclusion could be reached.  It was the perfect catch 22 – he could still feel Rei's touch if he closed his eyes and thought hard enough… but he felt that he should be disgusted by it, and the fact that he had to think about it meant that he was not, which only confused him more.

One nice detail, he thought as he prepared the two bentos they would have for lunch that Monday, was that Asuka had quickly lost interest in taunting him about Rei. She had given him grief every day of the week up until Saturday, then… nothing.  If he had not known better, Shinji would have thought Asuka knew that he and Rei were not together anymore.

_Well… we're not really 'broken up,' either,_ he thought as he put the lid on Asuka's bento.  _We're not really anything right now, I guess.  I mean, I think we're broken up – she can't really expect me to be with her after what she told me, right?_

"Of course not," he whispered to himself, "so we're…"

He could not even say it – it hurt too much.

Broken up… separated… single again… not a couple anymore.

No matter how he phrased it in his mind it felt so wrong, but what else could he do?  Ignore what she was and just… just…

"Be happy…?"

"What, _the hell_, are you muttering about??"

Shinji jumped as Asuka tapped him on the shoulder.  "Gah!!"

"Settle down, freak," the redhead grumbled, "you're gonna hurt yourself."

"S-sorry," Shinji stammered, pushing the bentos the side and picking up his backpack.

"And stop apologizing!!" Asuka snapped.  "That makes me sick!  If you do something wrong, yeah, sure, say you're sorry – but damn it, stop saying it all the time!  You say it so much it doesn't mean anything because _no one_ could be _that_ sorry!!"

Shinji nodded, bowing his head.  "I'll try," he said softly.

Asuka blew out an exasperated breath.  "Geez, you'd think you'd be happy now that you've got someone that _likes _having you breathe all over their face," she grumped, "or is she bad?"  Suddenly, she got a wicked grin on her face.  "Is that it, Third Child?  Is Wondergirl worse at kissing than you?  Ha!  That would serve you right, you pervert!"

_She's actually pretty good,_ Shinji mused as Asuka grabbed her pack and started for the door, _but I don't think I'll have the chance to feel that again…_

Quietly, the two headed off to school.  To his credit, Shinji actually managed to keep up one end of a light conversation, discussing simple topics like what the next math test might contain, and how Asuka had done on her finals in college.

"…got an A on the biology final, of course," the redhead was saying as they stepped into the classroom, "genetic extrapolation is so easy!"

"Yeah," Shinji nodded, his eyes immediately going to Rei's seat, "I'm… not that good at stuff like that, though…"

_She's not here,_ he thought, half relieved, half concerned as he took his seat and prepared for the class to start, _I… Misato would have told me if something happened to her, right?  Unless it happened on the way to school, but – no, I'm just being paranoid.  She's fi-_

"Whoo!" someone in the back row cheered.  "It's the hottest couple in 2-A!"

Shinji looked up, bewildered as half of the class started clapping, and found Rei walking slowly down the aisle in his direction.  He tried to talk, but for some reason, his lips would not work.  Rei glanced his way only once, inclining her head in a brief, polite nod before continuing on her way… but as she passed his desk, her right hand brushed his left forearm – almost by accident – sending a soft, warm tingle shooting through his body.

The cheering died down as the class representative rose to her feet, calling out. "Rise.  Bow.  Be seated," as the teacher came into the classroom.

Risking a look behind him, Shinji found Rei just looking away, directing her eyes out of the window and resting her chin in her hand.

Slowly, Shinji looked away, hunching down in his seat as several excited, no doubt gossiping whisperers broke out all around him.  _They all think we're playing it cool,_ he thought miserably. _She looks like she hates me now, but she touched me… what does that mean?_

He swallowed, blinking hard as he realized that he was on the verge of tears.

_God, Rei… I'm so sorry – but I just don't know how to feel…_

Class passed by at a snails pace, giving him plenty of time to think about just how far things had gone wrong.  By lunch time, his stomach was growling rather loudly, which was hardly surprising, considering the fact that he had skipped breakfast.

As soon as the bell rang, he scooped up his bento and quickly made his exit, ignoring a few catcalls as he strode out of the school and into the bright, sunlit afternoon.  He walked slowly to a park near the school, taking a seat next to his bento on one of the benches ringing the play area.

He pulled out his chopsticks, whispering, "Itadakimasu," and digging in… but as hungry as he was, each bite was as tasteful as sawdust, giving him absolutely no pleasure until finally, he set the box aside and sat back on the bench, closing his eyes.

_Now what?_ he thought miserably.

"Shinji…?"

The small amount of food he'd eaten nearly came back up.  "A-ayanami…"

"Please," the girl said softly, ignoring the formal greeting, "I would like to speak to you, Shinji."

Swallowing with some difficulty, Shinji picked up his bento and rose to his feet.  "I've… gotta get back to class."

Rei bowed her head, allowing her bangs to partially hide her eyes.  "Shinji," she said levelly, "may I ask you something?"

Shinji closed his eyes.  "I really gotta go…" he whispered awkwardly, stepping past the girl and starting back towards school.

"Am I… that repulsive to you now…?"

A soft breeze drifted lazily through the park, ruffling Shinji's hair and drying the nervous sweat on his brow.  _Yes,_ he thought immediately, _no… I don't know – that's the problem, I just… don't KNOW!!_

When he offered no reply after several minutes, Rei nodded to herself.  "I see…"

Shinji hung his head in shame as her soft footsteps moved away from him, leaving him to think of all the possible ways he could have answered – any of which, he knew perfectly well… would have been better than silence.

Continued…

Author's notes: I am no longer going to document changes in this version as compared to the old version.  It's too hard to keep track, and I doubt that many people care all that much anyway, so I'll just say I like this version better than the old one because I think it's truer to the original series. I think the characterization is better, the dialogue is tighter, and since the romance has been dulled from an overdose of sugar to a much more manageable dose, it is a far more realistic and enjoyable read.  Hopefully you, the reader, like it too.

Pre-read one this chapter was by Akodo Tim, LeperMessiah, and Ryoma… imagine that: three unique, totally different individuals – all coming together to, well, _rip my story to pieces!!  Do you know how many drafts it took to please those slave dri­-_ er… I mean thanks… thanks guys, couldn't have done it without you :P

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities, or by e-mailing random1377yahoo.com


	3. Pressure

Disclaimer: see part 1

Touch'

By Random1377

Part 3 – Pressure

Rei carefully made her way through the city, keeping her attention divided between the giant sphere floating lazily through the warm afternoon sky and the readout on her main screen, informing her that the rifle cradled in her Unit's enormous arms was now fully charged and ready to fire at any time. She paused behind a tall skyscraper, bracing herself for combat should the need arise, and watching as the sphere – designated as the twelfth angel – slowed from four miles an hour to three.

In the recesses of her mind, shoved far below the surface, the fact that she was mad grew slowly, almost inexorably more palpable. Anger was not a new emotion for the First Child, but she had long ago learned to conceal it along with her other emotions so that it would not get in the way of performing her duties… but today, she was finding this very difficult.

At that very moment, she was mad at the pilot of Evangelion Unit 02.

Her mouth twisted downward at the corners as she recalled the girl's taunting words – the ones that had goaded Shinji into taking the point position. _I do not believe that I like her…_ Rei thought absently, keeping Unit 01 in sight as the angel continued on its way, maintaining its unhurried pace. It would not have been as bad, she supposed, had the angel not appeared as they were climbing out of the test plugs, with the results of the experiment clearly visible to everyone.

For some reason, Shinji's score seemed to infuriate the Second Child, causing her brow to draw down in most unpleasant frown… but for the life of her, Rei could not understand why Shinji had risen to the bait and agreed to take the lead position so easily.

_Perhaps it is because of our relationship, _Rei mused, peering around the edge of the building for a better look at the angel. _Such as it is…_

It had been mere hours since Shinji had walked away from her, but somehow it felt like an eternity. To know that you will never be touched again by the one that means the most to you is a hard thing to take, but Rei – having a lifetime's worth of practice – tried to push her hurt and shame into the darkest corner of her soul and lock it there.

"I must let it go," she told herself, her voice sounding hesitant even to herself. "If he will not love me… it is out of my hands."

She glanced at Unit 01 out of the corner of her eye, carefully edging her own mecha in the direction of Shinji's.

The Major's battle plan had been simple – back each other up, and arrange a three-way crossfire scenario wherein all of the EVAs would attack simultaneously… yet for the first time that she could remember, Rei had disobeyed an order. In her defense – and in her mind – she had not outright disobeyed; she had simply… modified the order.

_We were directed to form a triangle, _she told herself, maneuvering closer to Shinji, _but it was not specified that it must be equilateral, and while he may not love me… I cannot help how I feel for him, so I will defen- _

"Asuka, Ayanami… are you in position yet?" Shinji's voice cut into her thoughts, making her heart clench in spite of her resolve.

"Not yet," she answered softly, choosing a building within sight of the one he was currently behind to brace her EVA against and bringing the rifle to bear.

"You know an EVA can't move that fast, you _twit_!" Asuka's angry reply came back, causing Rei's frown to deepen slightly.

_If it must be from afar, _Rei told herself, drawing in a deep, calming breath, _then so be it. Even though you do not share my feelings, I cannot simply pretend that I no longer love you… so if I cannot be at your side, I will content myself with-_

Her thoughts were again interrupted as Shinji's Unit abruptly leaned out from behind the building it was using for cover and fired three quick shots into the sphere overhead. Rei's surprise turned to terror, though, as the sphere vanished the instant the first round from Unit 01's handgun hit it and a huge, ominous shadow appeared under the purple behemoth.

"What the… a shadow??" Shinji's voice sounded confused as his mecha shuddered… and slowly began sinking into the shadow underneath him.

"Pattern Blue!" someone's voice rang over the tac-net. "Directly under Unit 01 – MAGI confirm one-hundred percent probability. It _IS_ an angel!"

Rei's hands shook on the controls of her Unit. "Shinji," she breathed, her carefully constructed shield of indifference and passive acceptance burning down like so much rice paper as Shinji's panicked screams reached her ears. She hesitated, frozen with fear as her repressed emotions broke free and forced her into action. The rifle fell from Unit 00's hands, discharging once and destroying a row of apartment buildings with a dull boom.

Ignoring the damage, Rei jammed up on the control yokes, willing her EVA forward as fast as it would move. _Go,_ she thought grimly, _do not think – just go!_

In the command room, Maya Ibuki blinked, biting her bottom lip as her monitor reported unusual activity from Unit 00. "Sempai?" she called hesitantly, waiting for her superior to glance her way. "Rei's sync ratio just spiked eight points. I think… I think she's going after him, ma'am."

Ritsuko nodded. "Keep monitoring," she said coolly, pursing her lips as she looked back to the main screen. _So that's all the pressure it takes, is it?_ she mused. _Interesting._

At her side, Misato was desperately trying to take every aspect of the fight into account. "Damn it," she muttered, "damn it, damn it, damn it! Why can't anyone stick to a plan?!" She drew a deep breath. "Asuka! Back Unit 00's move! Get Shinji out of there, _now_!"

The Second Child did not take the time to acknowledge her order – she was too busy running. "What good is doing well on tests if you can't apply it in real life?" she hissed, hunching forward in her pilot's chair and narrowing her eyes to mere slits. "You really piss me off sometimes, Third Child…"

Rei approached the shadow at a dead run, drawing in a sharp breath as Unit 01's hands sank below the surface. _Do not let me fail, _she prayed silently, bracing herself mentally to execute her half-formed plan. As she neared the edge of the shadow she willed Unit 00 to reach backwards and grabbed the umbilical cable, wrapping it around the machine's mammoth wrist. She then flung the blue mecha forward with its free arm outstretched and grabbed Unit 01's upper arm just as it sank into the inky blackness slowly consuming it.

Struggling against the pull, Rei worked her EVA's arm through Unit 01's until they were arm in arm. "Ikari!" she gasped, opening a broadband communications channel, "Hang on… hang on to me!"

Shinji's voice came back, sounding scared. "Rei! I can't… I can't make it move! Don't let me go! God, DON'T LET ME GO!!"

The purple EVA was up to its neck when Rei realized that her cable was still giving slack. "Major," she called hurriedly, all trace of calm now gone from her voice as the fear of losing the one she loved overtook her. "Retract my umbilical cable!"

Less than a second later, the cable began to spool back in, snapping taut as it fought the angel's pull, slicing a building between the cable housing and Unit 00 neatly in half and sending it to the ground with a tremendous crash.

_Come on,_ Rei thought, gritting her teeth as Unit 00's servos whined, struggling to compensate for the strain being applied to them. _It must not end this way… I still have so much I wish to say, Shinji… do not leave me yet, I-_

"No!!"

Unit 00 gave a sickening lurch as its umbilical cable snapped in two, unable to compete with the inexorable force exerted by the Angel's shadow, and before she could blink, the darkness expanded, drawing Unit 00's legs effortlessly into it.

Unit 01 was now up to its chin and still sinking, and Unit 00 was almost as deep, the cold of the shadow sending shivers up and down Rei's spine. She knew time was short, but she still could not make herself say 'I love you' no matter how hard she tried.

The pain of being pushed away was still too fresh.

"Ikari?" Rei's voice was once again calm, the knowledge that she must say _something_ burning in her mind as the two machines inched deeper into the darkness. "I…" she hesitated, realizing she was still on a public channel, then pressed on, knowing she may never have another chance. "I won't let you go, Shinji," she whispered, hoping that somehow, he understood the meaning behind the words. "Just hold on to me."

Shinji's screams ceased abruptly as her words reached him. The reality of the situation – that they were most likely going to die within minutes – hit him hard, forcing him to decide right then and there just how much her origins really meant. "Rei…" he whispered, his voice hoarse and choked as tears rolled down his face and dispersed into the LCL. _I'm sorry_…

"Now _that's_ sweet…" Asuka's voice came to them as the forward motion on Unit 00's umbilical was suddenly halted, sending shudders through both mecha.

Rei took a backward glance and was treated to the sight of Unit 02 lying prone on the ground, holding her umbilical cable in one hand and its ax in the other. The ax was buried deep in the reinforced street, acting as a makeshift anchor, and shivers of effort could be seen running up and down Unit 02's arm as it fought the angel's pull.

"Souryu…?" Rei's voice was barely above a whisper as she stared at her unexpected savior.

"Can't have you two dying on me now," Asuka said, struggling to sound nonchalant as her EVA reported the excessive strain to her senses, "not when Shinji's number one… I'd _never_ live it down."

So saying, she wrapped the cable around the ax handle and slowly brought her EVA to its feet. Satisfied that the ax was holding, she planted one foot on it for more stability and began pulling on the cable, bracing Unit 02 on the street and willing it to pull as hard as it could. Nothing happened at first… then slowly, Unit 00 and Unit 01 began to inch towards the 'shore.'

"Always… saving… your… sorry asses…" Asuka panted, exerting her EVA and feeling its pain as she dragged the cable hand-over-hand. "I… should get… a medal… just for… putting up… with you two…"

_God that was close, _she thought, falling silent for a minute and blinking perspiration from her eyes. _A few more seconds and he would have…_ she let the thought trail off, concentrating on her current task.

As the EVAs slowly slid closer, Asuka continued, finding it easier going now that there was some momentum to work with. "I mean… it's bad enough to have Shinji try to show me how it OUGHT to be done…" she sighed, "but then to have you get all touchy-feely – on the battlefield no less…" she trailed off for a second as they approached the edge of the shadow, and they could practically hear her scowling as she muttered, "I should just let go…"

Unit 00 reached the street, letting go of the cable and planting its hand on the concrete. With Unit 02's help, Rei levered the blue mecha up and unto the road, its other arm still linked with Unit 01. Together, they pulled the purple robot out.

The shadow immediately vanished, replaced once more by the floating sphere. The three EVAs moved to a safe distance as the sphere continued its crawling progress toward NERV headquarters.

Shinji struggled to catch his breath. "Asuka, I-"

"Save it 'til later, Third Child… I know you worship me…" Asuka smiled as she addressed the operations director, "We've got him Misato… what now?"

"Hold your positions, we're working on a plan…" Misato replied, "Ritsuko thinks she's found a weak spot." There was a brief hesitation. "Good work, Asuka."

The red EVA seemed to stand a little taller. "Well, I _am_ the best," Asuka said happily.

She was surprised to hear Rei's voice come to her on a private link. "Pilot Souryu… I… thank you." Asuka was sure that she had never heard those words from Wondergirl before.

The effect was… unexpected. "You're… you're welcome," she said awkwardly. Unbidden, she thought of Rei and Shinji's hands, barely grazing each other in the back seat of Misato's car… and of the conversation she had overheard several days prior. "Idiot…" she whispered to herself, her smile fading slightly as she realized just how much pain he must be in. "Don't think I'm going to go any easier on you."

Somehow, though, she thought she might.

- - - - -

"That's it? That's the plan??"

Asuka did not know what else to say, as she felt the so-called 'plan' screamed idiot all by itself. Saying it out loud would be redundant, but considering the fact that everyone seemed quite serious about going through with this half-assed plot, she was sorely tempted to go ahead and point out the inherent stupidity in moving forward with it.

After all, if she did not, no one else would.

Misato, though, was not in the mood for arguing. "The MAGI give it a thirty-five percent chance of succeeding," she grumbled irritably, "which is the best we can do on such short notice. The angel moves slowly, but it hasn't stopped moving – we HAVE to act now… it's only fifteen minutes from our airspace."

Seeing that her argument was hitting a brick wall, Asuka blew out an exasperated breath. "Why do I have to be the one that does it?" she complained sullenly. "Shinji's got the highest sync ratio – you said so yourself!"

When Misato replied, her voice was so full of dry sarcasm that Asuka felt like strangling her. "Because you're the best pilot – test results mean nothing, right?"

The redhead groaned. _Knew that would come back to bite me in the ass…_ she thought dejectedly. She cast a glance to her right, finding Shinji and Rei staring straight ahead with eerily similar, completely vacant expressions. _Man,_ she thought, quickly looking away, _it's like a set of his and her bookends – only creepier. When they stare like that, they look like twins._

"Alright," Misato said firmly, "You know the plan, you know your assignments – get moving, Children. And hey – if you're lucky, I'll even buy dinner again."

"You mean if we survive," Asuka muttered under her breath.

Twenty minutes later, the three mecha stood patiently awaiting the arrival of the giant sphere. Unit 02 stood at the point of a mathematically calculated triangle, flanked by Unit 01 on her left and Unit 00 on her right, each holding a type 2 positron rifle and positioned in such a way as to prevent them from being drawn into the angel's shadow, should it expand to its maximum theorized width.

Of course, this width was only a theory based on the previous battle, so everyone could end up dying anyway, but Asuka was doing her best not to think about that.

"So… what if this doesn't work?" she asked, proud that her voice sounded so nonchalant as she glanced from right to left, nervously eyeing the primed N2 mines Unit 02 held firmly – but delicately – in each hand.

Misato's voice was quiet as she switched to a private channel. "Did you ever fill out that will we discussed when the tenth angel was coming?"

Asuka's brow drew down. "_THAT'S_ supposed to inspire confidence??" she sputtered, staring at the small image of the dark-haired woman, "You're some leader, Misato…"

Misato was unsmiling. "Asuka," she said softly, "I need to ensure that you are prepared for any eventuality. You know just as well as I do that this is a suicide mission – I won't sugarcoat it for you."

Asuka nodded slowly and sighed, "Yeah… I know… I just thought _maybe_ you might at least try and give me a _little_ bit of hope."

Misato blushed, averting her eyes. "You're… you're right," she murmured, "I'm sorry. Listen, Shinji and Rei will be disrupting the Angel's AT field, so it should be a matter of sinking in as far as you can and detonating the mines. As soon as the countdown reaches zero minus five, they'll start pulling you back in by your umbilical cable."

Asuka nodded. "Hey," she said suddenly.

"Hmm?"

"Who did Shinji leave his stuff to? Wondergirl?"

Misato hesitated. "Actually… no," she said slowly. "You."

"What?" Asuka blurted. "Me? Why??"

"I have no idea," Misato admitted, "but as his guardian, I had to know how it read… and all it said was 'I hereby leave all of my worldly belongings to Asuka Langley Souryu.' That's it. No explanation, no poetry, just that."

Asuka sat back in her seat, her hands idly running over the control yokes as she considered this bit of information. "Why…?"

Misato shook her head. "I really don't…" she trailed off. "We'll talk about it later. It's time."

- - - - -

Ritsuko checked her watch for what felt like the fiftieth time, absently chewing the end of her pen as the second hand slowly ticked around the Seiko's face. "Forty more seconds," she muttered under her breath, looking back up to the screen, where all cameras were pointed at the black stain spread across nearly a half mile of the city.

Things had seemed to be going perfectly according to plan at first. Unit 02 had arranged itself directly under the angel, waiting patiently as Shinji and Rei fired their rifles, standing at a safe distance to ensure that neither of them would be caught in the trap. The angel, as predicted, had revealed its true form, drawing Unit 02 slowly into itself and leaving not so much as a ripple to mark its passing. The stage was set. Any time now, Ritsuko told herself, Asuka would be bringing Unit 02 back up out of the shadow and telling them that the thing was dead.

Only… Asuka's five minutes were almost up, and since her cable had stopped feeding into the angel, there had been no sign of her.

"Reel her in," Misato said suddenly.

"She's got fifteen seconds," Ritsuko pointed out halfheartedly, "She could still be trying to find the core."

Misato shook her head. "I don't care," she muttered, "pull her back… something's wrong."

Ritsuko glanced over her shoulder, looking to the commander for approval. When he nodded, she turned back to face the main screen, calling, "Shinji, retrieve Unit 02."

"Yes ma'am!"

The relief in the boy's voice was almost palpable, and as Unit 01 jogged to where Unit 02's cable was protruding from the edge of the angel's shadow, Ritsuko felt a twinge of foreboding. _It will be fine,_ she told herself, risking another look at Gendou as Shinji began pulling, _Misato's just being skittish – all of our sensors show that Unit 02 is perfectly fine and…_ her thought trailed off, a cold feeling settling into the pit of her stomach as her eyes lighted on the pilot's health sign readouts.

"Lieutenant," she murmured, sparing a glance at the monitor, "Have Asuka's vitals changed at all?"

"Mmm, no ma'am," Maya shook her head, keeping her attention on the screen and trying not to whisper, 'come on, come on,' under her breath. "Her heart rate has been constant, and her alpha waves have been within normal tolerances the whole time." She frowned slightly. "Why?"

Ritusko felt sick. "God I'm so stupid…"

"Huh?"

"Misato!" Shinji cried. "It's… the cable's been cut!!"

"Damn it, DAMN IT!" Misato shouted, licking her lips nervously as she turned to Ritsuko. "Talk to me – what are our options?"

But Ritsuko was shaking her head. "It got us," she whispered, sounding shocked, "look at Asuka's stats… they're still reading that she's a-ok – but her heart rate hasn't changed even one beat since she entered the angel. There should at least be a fluctuation or a little jump here and there when she's excited or scared, but it's been steady the whole time… but no one thought to check because it was reading as normal and we all thought the fight was the most important thing."

"You're saying it… it TRICKED us?!" Misato exploded. "We're being duped by a puddle of-"

"Major!!"

Ritsuko glanced up at the monitor as Maya cried out, her eyes going wide at what she saw. "Oh… no…"

"Shinji!" Misato screamed, shaking her head in denial as Unit 01 took another step forward, "What are you doing? What the HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Unit 01 is approaching the target," Maya reported breathlessly, "Unit 00 is following."

Misato was beside herself with panic. "Damn it, stand fast!" she demanded, watching in horror as Unit 00 took up position at 01's side. "We'll come up with something – don't you dare take another step!!"

The intent was clear. Everyone on the command deck knew what the two EVAs were planning… but no one could lift a finger to stop them, all they could do was watch as the two mecha carefully un-slung their rifles and laid them down on the perimeter of the angel.

"Ayanami," Shinji's voice came over the tac-net, "You… you don't have to do this…"

Unit 00 stepped past 01, standing at the very edge of the angel's shadow as Rei replied, "I understand. However, I will be accompanying you."

"Alright…"

"Stop!" Misato said desperately, "I'm ordering you both to stop!!"

There was a moment of silence, broken when Shinji softly replied, "We're getting her back, Misato… she would do the same for us and you know it."

"_No_!" Misato's said firmly. "I understand how you feel, Shinji, but I can't afford to lose all of you… stop now. Damn it, that's an ORDER! Don't make me come out there myself and YANK you out of that damn EVA!"

"Unit 01 has ejected external power," Maya reported.

Ritsuko shook her head as Unit 00 followed 01's lead. "They've cut off external communications," she said quietly. "We could send the signal to eject the plug… but where they're located, the EVAs might fall into the shadow."

Misato clenched her teeth, a vein in her temple throbbing with anger as she hissed, "I am going to kick his ass when he gets back."

"Sure," Ritsuko murmured, "you're an ideal guardian."

"Shut up."

Everyone watched in tense silence as Unit 01 and 00 stepped forward, offering no resistance as the angel drew them rapidly into itself. Ritsuko watched the two teens' vital signs closely, paying careful attention to their heart rates as the two mecha vanished into the shadow and jotting a most unusual bit of information on a small notepad by Maya's desk before bringing her eyes back up to the main screen.

_Interesting…_

"What odds do you give them?"

Ritsuko turned her head to the side. "Hmm?"

"Their odds," Misato whispered, her eyes glued to the giant display in the middle of the command center. "Without checking with the MAGI… honestly… what do you think the chances of them all coming back are?"

Ritsuko sighed, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "You want a technical answer?"

Misato shook her head. "No," she said flatly, "your gut feeling."

Another moment passed in silence, with everyone in the command center waiting for the reply.

"Bad," Ritsuko said finally, "very… very bad."

"I see."

Misato drew a deep, calming breath, trying not to blink too much as she tried desperately to think of a way to bring the Children home. _Damn…_ she thought, replaying her last conversation with Asuka in her mind. _She knew she wouldn't be coming back… and I couldn't even PRETEND to hope._

"Quite the turn of events," Ritsuko whispered, wiping a drop of sweat from her upper lip. "The old men won't be happy if this fails." She turned to Maya. "How long have they been inside?"

Maya consulted her terminal. "Asuka has been down for twelve minutes," she said softly, "Shinji and Rei have been down for six."

"Ok," Misato murmured, "so if they're smart and went to life-support only, they should be alright for-"

"That's a pretty big if," Ritsuko cut in quietly, "And… there's something else that's been bothering me…"

Misato's expression darkened. "You mean it gets WORSE?!"

"Well, not necessarily," Ritsuko said quickly, glad to have something to talk about to break up the tension of waiting, "remember what I told you about the Sea of Dirac?"

"Umm, I remember some mumbo-jumbo about abstract mathematics," Misato admitted. "I didn't really follow it, though. Sorry."

Ritsuko shrugged. "That's just it," she said, "even I don't understand all of the particulars… but I've been thinking that – if it really IS like a pocket dimension – there's a very good chance that ti-"

She was cut off as Maya's disbelieving cry rang out. "Reaction from the target! It's… it's cracking, ma'am…!"

All eyes went to the monitor as the shadow began to break up – jagged, red lines running the length of its surface as if intense pressure was being applied to the very center of the circle. Everyone flinched as a sharp snapping sound filled the air, echoing throughout Tokyo-3 like a firecracker dropped into an ashcan.

"Energy readings are going crazy," Maya shouted over the din, "MAGI report 88 probability of AT field resonance deton-"

In the span of a heartbeat, the sphere in the sky – the angel's true shadow, as Ritsuko put it – turned the same dead black as the ground underneath it, quivering in midair for a moment… then exploding with all the force of a meteorite slamming into the Earth.

"Look at that!"

Everyone watched in mute wonder as the three Evangelions – their armor plates covered from head to toe in deep red – appeared from the wreckage of the sphere, gruesomely clawing their way to the edge before spilling out and onto the shattered remains of the shadow.

"All… all three units… and the angel are silent, ma'am," Hyouga reported hesitantly.

"Get me communications, _now_!" Misato yelled, "Asuka, Rei, Shinji, are you alright?? What happened??"

There was a brief pause, and then Shinji's voice came back to her, sounding unsure. "I'm umm… not really sure," he admitted. "We went in with our AT fields up, and we couldn't see anything besides each other… then after a few minutes we saw Unit 02, but she couldn't hear us, and then our fields touched hers, and… well… everything blew up…"

"How long did it take you to reach her?" Ritsuko asked suddenly.

This time the pause was much longer. "I don't know," Shinji said finally, "my chronometer froze as soon as we got all the way inside. Felt like a long time, though…"

"So what happened?" Misato demanded, rounding on the Project-E department head. "You keep asking all these questions about time – you know something, don't you?"

"I don't KNOW anything," Ritsuko said levelly, "I… have a theory or two about some of the aspects of this encounter, but they're really not relevant right now." She looked up at the screen, nodding as Maya asked if she should give the retrieval crew the green-light to bring the Children home. "But as for how the angel was killed, well… I'd say that was mostly Asuka's doing."

Misato blinked. "Come again?"

Ritsuko shook her head, looking up at the still form of Unit 02 as a retrieval team picked their way carefully through the remains of the shadow. "Imagine it," she mused, her eyes growing hazy as she pictured the situation. "Trapped inside the angel, her mines gone without any indication that they had done anything, her EVA already low on power, her chronometer frozen at the exact moment she went in… and no sign that anyone is coming for her. She'd be frantic… terrified… lashing out in any way she could." Her eyes glittered as she turned to Misato, lowering her voice to a whisper.

"Can you imagine how strong her AT field must have been? Then along come Shinji and Rei – who are, well, having their own issues with keeping others away right now – their AT fields touch hers…" she snapped her fingers, making Misato jump. "I can only guess what the explosion must have been like from the inside. I'd say we're lucky they made it out in one piece."

Misato said nothing for a moment, trying to take in everything the other woman had said. "How long do you think they were gone?" she said finally.

Pursing her lips, Ritsuko murmured, "It's only a theory, Misato, time might be the same in there as out here for all I know… but when they went into the angel, Unit 00 and 01 sank in at the same speed, yet Rei's vitals continued to fluctuate for five seconds longer than Shinji's."

"So what does that mean…?"

Abruptly, Risuko shrugged. "No idea!" she said briskly, stuffing her hands into her pockets and turning for the door. "And since their chronometers all stopped, I'd say the only way to guess would be to burn them all down to ash and carbon-date them to see who was a few seconds or minutes older, and seeing as how that doesn't REALLY seem like a viable option, I'd surmise that we're just going to have to live in ignorance until the MAGI can chew on it for a month or two."

She glanced up, looking to Gendou and giving him a discrete, hopeful smile as Misato muttered something about getting the Children home. _So?_ Ritsuko thought, trying to read her lover's expression behind his tinted lenses, _Tonight…?_

A stab of excitement shot through Ritsuko's stomach as Gendou glanced her way and gave her a minute nod of approval, understanding immediately what her arched eyebrow and tiny smile were asking.

"Drive safe tonight," Ritsuko advised, grinning from ear to ear as she anticipated what the evening would bring. "Weather report said it's gonna rain."

- - - - -

"Rei!"

The First Child looked up as someone called her name, finding Shinji pushing away from the wall opposite the door to the girl's locker room. "Hello Shinji," she said quietly, the adrenaline from the battle having long since dissipated, leaving her with a feeling of cold certainty.

"I… wanted to say thanks," Shinji said awkwardly, "for… for saving me."

"You are welcome," Rei replied, feeling a sense of unreality wash over her. _Has he… forgotten what I am?_ she thought slowly, taking a step past him. _No… it is only the fear of the battle spurring him on._

"I am… glad that you are safe," she said quietly, "goodbye."

Before she could take another step, Shinji reached out and pulled her into his arms, shaking all over as he whispered, "I'm sorry."

Rei bowed her head, slowly pulling out of his embrace. "I know," she said quietly, shaking her head from side to side, "but… you don't need to be." Turning away from his stunned expression, she told herself, _I love you, Shinji, but you seem… incapable of loving me back, and I cannot keep hurting myself by being close to you when I know how much you despise me._

"I… don't…" Shinji fumbled for words, finding himself completely unprepared for this conversation. _What did you expect?_ he chided himself cruelly, _One fight, an apology, and she'd fall back into your arms? God, you don't even know what you want, do you??_

As he struggled with these questions, Rei glanced back over her shoulder. "Goodbye Shinji," she murmured, looking as if there was more she wanted to say… but ultimately just turning away and walking off down the hall, never once looking back.

Shinji stared after her for a long, long time, noticing suddenly just how quiet and empty NERV seemed when no one was there with you. He looked around, his eyes running over the concrete and steel framework that made up the place, wondering just when things had gotten so cold. He brought his hands up, looking at his palms as they insisted on reminding him precisely how Rei's body had felt when trapped within their confines.

His ears echoed with the remembered sound of her voice, whispering his name as she fell asleep in his embrace, the two of them still damp with perspiration from their first attempt at adult intimacy.

_Why is this so hard?_ he thought dimly, wetting his lips and trying to recall just how it had tasted when she kissed him. _Why am I so STUPID?! I want her, but I shouldn't. I want to have her touching me, but it's sick. I need her so bad that I – DAMN IT!!_

Shinji cried out in pain as his fist ricocheted off the concrete wall, dropping to his knees and cradling his throbbing hand in his lap. "Damn it…" he groaned, his eyes blurry with tears of agony – physical and emotional. "I just… want her – why can't that be OK?!"

He winced as he tried to flex his fist, feeling something in the back of his hand grinding against something else as the answer presented itself to his tired mind.

- - - - -

Thunder boomed outside of the small apartment, rattling the windows in their frames. All of the lights were out save the one in Asuka's room, giving the place a cold, unwelcome air. The redhead lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling as she listened to Hikari talking about some insipid topic or another. She couldn't have told you WHAT, exactly, the class rep was saying, but whatever it was, it could not compare with the things she would have had to say if the phone lines were not monitored.

_She wouldn't understand anyway,_ Asuka told herself, slipping in a noncommittal, 'uh huh' as the girl paused for breath. _How could she? She's never been sucked into a bottomless pit for four hours, has she? Ok, so… no one else has, besides Shinji and Wondergirl._ She closed her eyes, smiling faintly as she recalled the conclusion to the fight.

She had stopped flailing after two minutes, immediately going to emergency power mode to conserve energy, but as she sat there, ticking off seconds in her head, she grew more and more certain that no one was coming for her. She remembered the feelings of helplessness and rage that slowly overtook her as seconds ticked into minutes and minutes agonizingly ticked into hours.

Tick, tick, tick… no one was coming for her. She was so sure of it that when she saw Unit 01 falling slowly towards her through the white nothing that defined the angel's insides, she almost did not believe it. 'Hallucination' she told herself firmly, 'going insane in here – why not just imagine Unit 00, too?'

And sure enough, the blue mecha appeared at 01's side.

_They came for me,_ Asuka thought, shivering slightly as she told Hikari that she was just a little tired. _They both… came for me…_

She shivered harder as she recalled the burst of emotion that somehow communicated itself to her as Unit 01's AT field hit 02's. Fear, relief, sadness, and concern exploded in the Second Child's mind, vanishing almost as soon as they had been identified as the two mecha's AT fields reacted violently to one another, blasting them out of the angel's insides in less than a second.

After their retrieval, Asuka simply sat and stared at Shinji and Rei, watching the two of them avoid looking at each other as the jeep they were in trundled and bounced back to headquarters. No one spoke a word, but Asuka thought Shinji might have blushed when he looked up at her for a moment, quickly tearing his eyes away as he realized she was watching him.

_But he came for me,_ she mused, _even though he was ordered not to…_

"…he came for me."

There was a long moment of silence before Asuka noticed that Hikari was not saying a word.

"Sorry," she muttered, "just thinking out loud. Hey, I'm gonna go to bed, alright? I've-"

"Asuka," Hikari cut in tentatively.

"Hmm?"

There was a long pause before Hikari whispered, "Am I your friend?"

Asuka rolled her eyes. _Oh God, what now??_ she thought angrily, _I barely survive a slow, painful death by suffocation so I'm not in the mood to talk – and suddenly we're not friends anymore? What the hell?_

"Yes, Hikari," she said, barely managing to keep her tone light, "we're friends."

She heard Hikari swallow. "Then… why don't you ever talk to me…?"

_God… _Asuka thought, disgusted, _this is so melodramatic!_

"I talk to you all the time – but you know I can't talk about NERV stuff!"

"I… yeah, I know that," Hikari said awkwardly, "but… you never talk to me about other stuff, either – we always talk about school, or clothes, or stuff I like… but you never tell me about what you like, or what makes you sad. I want to be your friend, Asuka – not just someone you hang out with… can't you let me…?"

For a brief moment, Asuka very nearly said, 'no,' and hung up. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she cast around for something to placate the girl, finally coming up with, "Shinji broke his hand."

Hikari was frowning – Asuka could tell by the tone in her voice. "Ikari… huh??"

"Broke his hand," Asuka repeated calmly, "after the fight today."

"AFTER the fight?" Hikari asked uncertainly, "What happened?"

Asuka slid off her bed, walking over to her window and parting the blinds with her fingertips to look down at the rain swept city. "He didn't say," she murmured, watching the rain beat relentlessly against the glass. "I was in the infirmary since Doctor Akagi wanted me to be examined – I can't tell you why, because it's classified and stuff – and Shinji came in holding his hand." She sighed, shaking her head as she let the blinds snap back into place. "He wouldn't tell the doctor either, but I heard the doctor telling his nurse that it was definitely self-inflicted."

Hikari considered this for a minute. "Why?" she asked finally. "Why do you think he would do that?" Before Asuka could reply, the class rep gasped, "Did Ayanami break up with him?"

"Bingo," Asuka said coolly, "Well, I don't know if they're broken up, but there's definitely something going on."

"So are you… going to go for it…?"

"Huh??"

Hikari made a small, embarrassed noise. "Oh, I didn't mean that!" she said quickly. "I just… you guys look good tog- you know what, never mind."

"Good idea," Asuka said softly, her brow drawing down as her nostrils flared.

"S-sorry," Hikari stammered, sounding as if she wished she had taken the opportunity to get off the phone when it had been offered.

Unfortunately, Asuka was now angry. "Just because you're all stupid over some guy doesn't mean that I am," she said, her tone brittle.

"I know, I know," Hikari said, frantically searching for a way out of the hole she had dug herself, "I just… you're my friend, I want you to be happy, so-"

"Happiness doesn't always revolve around whose face you're sucking," Asuka snapped, "and even if I WAS interested, I wouldn't just jump in with both feet like some idiotic-" She cut herself off. "I'm going to bed," she said carefully, "we ARE friends, Hikari, but right now… right now I think maybe we should stick to clothes."

Before the other girl could reply, Asuka pulled the phone away from her ear and stabbed the Off button with her fingertip.

_Bitch…_

Asuka leaned back, closing her eyes and resting the back of her head against the wall as she listened to the rain outside. She knew it was not her friend's fault that she had a hard day, and she knew that she did not deserve to have Asuka come down on her with both feet… but she also knew that Hikari's observations about how she and Shinji looked together had made her inexplicably uncomfortable, and even know she found that she was shifting from foot to foot and trying to avoid thinking about just WHY Shinji was asleep in his room with a cast around his right hand… and why, somewhere, there was a document that said that if he died, he wanted her to have everything that mattered to him.

"Damn it."

Bringing the phone back up, she hit redial, taking a deep breath as Hikari's phone rang four times before her voice mail kicked in.

"Hikari, hey… ummm… call me, ok…?"

Keeping her eyes closed, Asuka turned the phone off and hurled it away from herself as hard as she could, ignoring the sound of fragmenting plastic as the device slammed into the wall. She knew NERV would get her a replacement in the morning… just as she knew that Hikari would not be calling her back.

- - - - -

Ritsuko sighed contentedly, resting her head against Gendou's side and letting herself drift for a moment. Tonight had been especially good, she thought. It always was right after an angel. Gendou had immediately ushered her into his apartment and led her straight to the bedroom, murmuring that he had just ordered some takeout and given the driver instructions not to deliver for an hour.

Forty-five minutes later, Ritsuko found that his timing was impeccable.

_There is NOTHING,_ she thought contentedly, _like ending a stressful day with a little food and a little sex…_

"Hmmm," she hummed, reminding herself that there was a very good chance there would be a repeat of this performance after they had eaten, "what did you get us?"

Gendou's flat reply of, "Italian," cooled her libido somewhat.

Ritsuko pushed herself up on one elbow, brushing a lock of sweat-slick hair off of her forehead. "Just Italian?" she teased softly, trying to draw him out of whatever dark ruminations were making his face so serious.

"Yes," Gendou replied bluntly, "I told them to send two of whatever the special was."

"O-oh," Ritsuko mumbled, deciding that further conversation would be pointless.

_At least I'm here,_ she thought optimistically, _that's something, right?_

Gendou continued to stare at the ceiling, seemingly oblivious to her presence, and did not even stir when the doorbell chimed softly.

"That's probably the takeout," Ritsuko said, forcing levity into her voice as she slipped out of bed and pulled on the extra robe he kept stored in the closet for her. "I'll get it."

_God this sucks,_ she thought, grabbing her purse and pulling out a few bills on her way to the front door, _I hate it when he won't talk. He's such a baby sometimes – really… but I'm not stupid enough to actually s-_

Her mind froze as she pulled the front door open and found Rei standing just outside. They stared at each other for over a minute – Ritsuko with one hand full of money, clutching the front of her borrowed robe closed and the other holding the door open, Rei, already soaked, growing wetter and wetter as the rain continued to pound the empty streets outside.

_I look like a whore._

Ritsuko shivered at the errant thought, instinctively tightening her hold on the robe as Rei's piercing red eyes assessed her.

"This isn't what it looks like," she blurted finally. "We… had to go over the results of the fight, and… and it started raining, and Gen- the Commander said I could use his dryer, and he hadn't done any shopping, so we thought we'd order take… takeout…"

She trailed off blushing bright red as Rei continued staring at her.

_Look surprised, damn you!!_ Ritsuko nearly shrieked, fighting the urge to slam the door in the girl's face.

After another minute of absolute silence, Rei whispered, "May I speak with the Commander?"

"Why are you here, Rei?"

Ritsuko jumped, letting out an involuntary scream as Gendou's voice boomed over her shoulder. "She-" cutting herself off as she realized she had no real idea of why the First Child was there, Ritsuko stepped aside, wondering suddenly if Rei would notice that hers and Gendou's robes matched.

Gendou stepped forward, towering over the sodden girl and staring down at her imperiously as he repeated, "Why are you here?"

Gazing up into her Commanders eyes almost unblinkingly, Rei whispered, "May I stay the night, sir?"

To her mingled horror and satisfaction, Ritsuko noticed a thin, cruel grin spread slowly over her lover's face. "Why, Rei?" he said coolly, "your apartment is perfectly acceptable."

Though Rei never broke eye contact, her voice grow softer – almost, but not quiet, displaying hints of shame or regret. "My apartment building was destroyed during the fight with the angel," she said quietly. "I do not have a place to stay right now."

Gendou arched an eyebrow, clearly enjoying his subordinate's discomfort. "The angel was nowhere near your residence, Rei… explain yourself."

Rei slowly lowered her gaze. "When my rifle discharged," she said softly, "the shell landed in my district." Her voice lowered still further, making Ritsuko strain to hear as the girl confessed, "My building was in the line of fire and sustained a direct hit."

"Doctor Akagi," Gendou murmured, making Ritsuko jump again, "what do you suppose the statistical odds are that a weapons misfire in the heat of battle would result in the destruction of the owner's place of residence?"

"Er, a million to one, I guess," Ritsuko stammered, "maybe more… _probably_ more." She bit her lip, suddenly finding the First Child's discomfort rather unamusing. "I'd… have to have the MAGIs' input, but it's probably near impossible… sir."

An uncomfortable silence fell as the blue-haired girl considered how best to answer. Finally, she brought her eyes back up and replied, "It was not deliberate, Commander… and I do not have another place to go."

"No," Gendou said calmly, "I don't suppose you would, would you." With a curt nod, he stepped back into the apartment. "You know where the towels are, Rei," he murmured, "dry yourself and prepare the extra futon. I need to speak with Doctor Akagi alone."

"Yes sir," Rei whispered, stepping inside and heading straight towards the bathroom.

Ritsuko shivered, rubbing her upper arms as she watched the girl disappear into the other room.

"So cold."

She immediately dropped her eyes, flushing as Gendou shot her a narrow look. "Close the door, then," he said flatly, choosing to take her comment more literally than she'd meant it.

Ritsuko found the words 'yes sir,' on her lips and bit them back, refusing to echo the First Child in any way. "Alright."

Slowly, she swung the door closed, noticing belatedly that she was still clutching the money for the takeout in her hands. _What was it mother used to say?_ she thought distantly, nodding as Gendou told her to come into the bedroom and get dressed. _Oh that's right – 'you're only a whore if you do it for money.' Well mother, there are other words for what you were…_ she cast a glance at the bedroom door, mentally adding, _and for what I've become._

Slipping the money into the pocket of the robe, she started towards the bedroom, supremely unhappy that she had been thinking of her mother again, and praying – with all her heart and soul – that Rei's stay would be brief.

Continued…

Author's notes: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I had a lot of momentum on chapters 1 and 2… but even though 3 got written pretty fast, it came out kind of a mess and took some tweaking and overhauling to get to a 'printable' state. Thanks for sticking with me.

Pre-read on this chapter was by Ryoma, Akodo-Tim, and LeperMessiah – an Asuka fan, a Rei fan, and a Misato fan… and every one of them secretly a Hikari fan :P

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	4. Guardians

Disclaimer: see part 1

Touch'

By Random1377

Part 4 – Guardians

Shinji stared straight ahead, his expression an almost perfect replication of Rei's emotionless stare as NERV's best bone and tissue specialist, a woman by the name of Doctor Shizune, carefully probed his right hand with a device that bore a complicated name, but to him looked like nothing more than a thin metal pick with a wickedly sharp end.

"He should have been brought to me immediately," Shizune was saying, her voice disagreeable as she flipped the pick over and tapped the back of Shinji's hand smartly with the rounded handle, drawing a pained hiss from the boy. "It doesn't _look_ like there's any nerve damage, but until the induction test I can't be a hundred percent sure."

Leaning against the medical table Shinji was sitting on, Ritsuko kept her arms folded over her breasts, trying not to sound sharp as she replied, "I brought him to you as soon as I learned what happened, Doctor, now stop beating around the bush – will this affect his piloting or not?"

Shizune glanced at the remains of the cast she had cut off of the Third Child twenty minutes prior, and sighed. "No," she said calmly, "not if we isolate the capitate and trapezoid… but that monster," her eyes flicked again to the cast, "won't do well if it gets saturated."

Glancing at Shinji from the corner of her eye, Ritsuko whispered, "Is microcasting it an option?"

The medical doctor frowned. "A microcast _would_ allow him full mobility," she said reluctantly, "but you know how painful they are to install, Doctor Akagi. I don't know that I'm comfortable inserting one on a child of this age."

Ritsuko smiled sardonically. "Fortunately for me, your comfort is not my concern, Doctor," she said coolly. "Please keep in mind what this Child does for us, and make the preparations immediately."

"Of course," Shizune replied, inclining her head deferentially, "I can have everything ready in two hours."

"Why so long?" Ritsuko asked immediately. "It's not a complicated procedure."

Shizune set her instrument to the side and rested her chin on her palm, staring thoughtfully into Shinji's face as she answered, "It's not, but I'd like to have Doctor Itsuki, our fragmentation specialist, consulted on the installation… and I'd like the child to have at least a LITTLE time to prepare himself." Leaning back in her chair, she raised her voice a bit and said, "Shinji, do you know what a microcast is?"

For a moment, the Third made no reply, then – keeping his eyes fixed on the wall – he slowly shook his head, once to the left, once to the right, before becoming still again.

"Shinji," Shizune said firmly, "I need your full attention. Are you listening?" When Shinji nodded and continued staring straight ahead, the dark-haired woman rubbed her eyes. "A microcast is a small metal plate, Shinji," she said softly, "or in your case, two small metal plates – one for each of the bones you broke. They will slide between your fingers and be anchored to the bones in your hand, keeping them still while allowing your muscles to move freely. Do you understand all of this?"

Shinji blinked, finally bringing his attention to the woman's face. "Anchored?" he echoed dully, his eyes clearing a bit as this word sunk in.

Shizune nodded. "Yes, Shinji, anchored," she said gently. "Each plate has a series of eight metal pins, each slightly larger than a hypodermic needle. They will be inserted into both sides of the bones in your hand – two on each side of the break, front and back – to prevent any worsening of the injury."

"There's no other way, Shinji," Ritsuko interjected matter-of-factly. "Since you need to have your hand fully operational to pilot, and there's just no way you can wear a regular cast, this is the only viable solution. You can understand that, right?"

Staring steadily into Ritsuko's eyes, Shinji whispered, "Will it hurt?"

"Yes," Ritsuko replied immediately, "quite a bit."

Shinji nodded, bringing his eyes back to the wall as if the conversation no longer held any interest for him. "I understand."

_These pilots,_ Shizune thought with a shiver, excusing herself to go prepare for the operation, _they push them so hard. He's becoming like that Ayanami girl… a walking, talking robot with no reason to live, other than killing angels._

Ritsuko ignored the woman's departure, her eyes fixed on Shinji's face as the word 'pressure' ricocheted around in her mind, giving rise to a dangerously complicated plan. _Get a grip,_ she told herself firmly, _it's only been a day since… since SHE knocked on his door and ruined everything – there's no need to get all bent out of shape and start hurting people…_

She smiled coldly as she recalled the lack of surprise in the First Child's face when she met her at the front door of Gendou's apartment.

_Of course,_ she thought pragmatically, _there's no harm in laying groundwork, is there?_

"You ok, Shinji?"

Shinji nodded slowly. "Yes, ma'am," he said quietly, "I'm fine."

He blinked, though, as he felt something soft and warm lay gently on top of his uninjured hand, finally turning his attention to the blonde as she gave him a gentle, friendly pat. "Would you like to get some dinner after this?" she asked him, her voice taking on a warm, soothing quality as she met his eyes straight on.

Uncomfortably, Shinji shifted on the medical table, his cheeks coloring as he showed the first signs of any emotion past self-loathing in twenty-four hours, when Rei had quietly rebuked him. "I d-don't think-"

"Shh," Ritsuko cut in, lightly stroking the back of his hand with her fingertips as she leaned a little closer to him. "Don't get the wrong impression, Shinji," she whispered, bringing her hand up to his chin and forcing him to meet her eyes as he tried to look away, "I just want to help you."

Shinji swallowed, finding himself intimately close to the attractive blonde. "Wh-what do you mean?" he stammered, swallowing as Ritsuko licked her lips and brought herself closer still.

"I know about your problem," she whispered, bringing her mouth right next to Shinji's ear. "You want her back… don't you…?"

With a slight jerk, Shinji gave an uneven nod, knowing instantly who the doctor was talking about. "She hates me," he blurted, "Doctor Akagi, she-"

Ritsuko pressed her forefinger lightly to the boy's lips, grinning internally as the boy went rigidly still. "I've known Rei for a long time, Shinji," she breathed, going in for the kill, "let's be friends, ok? Friends help each other… right?"

"Er, right," Shinji said uncertainly, completely unsure of how to react to this situation.

"Right," Ritsuko repeated. "So I'll help you get back together with Rei… and when I need a little favor, you'll help me, right?"

Shinji nodded eagerly, his brows drawing together as he murmured, "But what kind of favor could I-"

Raising a hand, Ritsuko cut him off. "Oh, I don't need anything right now," she said lightly, pulling back and smiling brightly at the boy's nervous, but hopeful expression. "Just do your best with Rei, and remember that your friend might need a hand with something some day, alright?"

Biting his bottom lip as if he knew something was not quite right, Shinji averted his eyes. "Alright, Doctor Akagi."

"Ritsuko," the blonde said firmly, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, "we're friends now – call me Ritsuko."

_That's right,_ Ritsuko thought as the boy gave her a tentative smile, _I'll help you, and when the time comes… you'll help me._ She leaned back against the table and refolded her arms to wait for Doctor Shizune to return, a thin smile curving the corners of her mouth as she whispered her opinion of this new arrangement.

"Perfect."

( 0 0 0 )

Touji Suzuhara approached the place where Asuka was eating lunch as carefully as a soldier approaching an unexploded shell in the middle of a battlefield. _Easy,_ he told himself, trying to appear nonchalant as he glanced around and casually strolled towards the bench where she was having her bento. _Just don't set her off, and she won't go off. Yeah right, who am I kidding? Like she needs a reason!_

He hesitated as he spotted the odd expression on the redhead's normally smug face, but as Ayanami had proven to be preoccupied, and Shinji was the last person he wanted to talk to about it, he really had no choice.

Asuka was literally the only person he could talk to about his current situation.

"Hey, Asuka…" he said, making sure she saw him before he spoke. Nothing pissed the girl off more than being surprised – a fact he had learned the hard way after sneaking up beside her one day and yelling her name.

Sometimes, late at night, he imagined he could still feel the bruises.

Asuka looked at him, frowning slightly. "Well, my least favorite stooge," she grumbled. "What do you want?" her frown faded, though, as she saw the hesitant look on the boy's face – an expression completely out of place on his normally cocksure features. "What is it?" she asked, her tone softening just a bit.

"I… I need to talk to you," Touji said, his voice hitching slightly. "I…"

He didn't know how to say it. He wasn't even sure why he _wanted_ to say it. Perhaps it was for the comfort of talking to someone who knew what he was going through, or rather, what he was _about_ to go through… he was not sure, but he had to tell someone about it, or else he was going to go crazy.

Asuka was not sure how to address the situation. She did not actively _dislike_ the boy, but he was not high on her favorites list. She knew that Hikari thought he was nice, but that she would never do anything about it (Hell, the girl was going to offer him lunch today, but had chickened out at the last minute). Asuka just saw him as being a goofball.

She looked at him carefully. He looked from side to side, fidgeting with the keys in his pocket. _Man,_ she thought, _what is bugging him? Guess I'll never know if I don't ask… _

"What is it, Suzuhara?" she asked, her tone far more polite than even she had expected.

Touji swallowed. _Kimiko_ he thought firmly, _this is all for Kimiko… don't ever forget that!_

Abruptly, he sat down next to her, staring down at the ground between his feet as he whispered, "I've, umm, I've been chosen… I'm a Child."

Asuka looked at him blankly. "Well of course you're a child," she muttered, beginning to think he was kidding, or possibly insane. "Why else would you be in school? I mean, sure, you're not a genius, but-" she cut off abruptly, noticing the way he had emphasized the last word of his sentence.

Seeing understanding dawn in the girl's eyes, Touji nodded.

Asuka really didn't know what to say at first, but she quickly found that she was not happy with the idea, and did not bother to try and hide it from him. "Why the hell would they choose _you_?" she demanded, her tone dripping with disgust. "You can barely tie your own shoes – what makes anyone think you can handle an EVA?"

"Hey," Touji said defensively, "I'm just as confused as you! I can play ball, man, but fighting angels and stuff? That's not me."

"No kidding," Asuka grumbled. "It's probably a mistake."

To her surprise, Touji leaned forward, eagerly asking, "Do you think it could be?"

Asuka frowned, ultimately averting her eyes. "Probably not," she said neutrally. "Anyway, why would you think that I'd talk to you about it?"

"Well, Shinji's all moody, so I can't talk to him," Touji said reasonably, "and lately, Ayanami's been even quieter than before," he grinned suddenly, "and you're always saying that you're the best, so…"

Snorting, Asuka muttered, "Flattery won't get you anywhere, Suzuhara."

Touji's smile fell away. "Seriously, though," he whispered, "you're the only one I _can_ talk to, Souryu."

Asuka's nose wrinkled for a moment, as if the idea of having a prolonged conversation with the jock was dreadfully distasteful. "I guess," she sighed after a moment. "Since you're a pilot, it's not classified or anything."

Touji chuckled weakly. "Never thought I'd have to worry about stuff being classified… it was always Kensuke that wanted to play solider and shit like that." He looked at her from the corner of his eyes. "So umm… what's it like when you sync?"

"Well," the redhead said, trying to put the feeling into words, "It's kind of like when you first wake up from a really strong dream. Your body doesn't feel like it's really working right at first, then things slowly start to fit together, you know? Like you're sliding up into your body or something…"

"Wow."

"Yeah," Asuka nodded, warming up a bit as Touji turned his full attention to her, "and that's not even a great description. Umm let's see, ok, it's kind of…"

As they talked, Asuka found that Hikari was right. Touji proved to be smart, quick on the draw, and even witty on occasion. Asuka's opinion of him changed marginally as they sat through lunch period and into the afternoon, talking about EVA, and eventually more mundane topics. Though she would not say she was prepared to marry the guy, she definitely found that he was enjoyable company – when he was not being a stooge, of course.

_Besides_, she thought as they finally rose to leave, _I have to work with him… might as well make the best of it._

( 0 0 0 )

Ritsuko had finally stopped crying, managing to hold herself to the occasional whimper as she lay perfectly still on Gendou's bed. The elder Ikari was not a gentle man, and this characteristic also applied to his lovemaking, as she could currently attest. Usually, he was able to restrain himself and the blonde doctor would remain unharmed…

…but this was not one of those times.

_He's so angry lately…_ she thought, wiping a tear from her face as discretely as she could.

Nothing upset him more than showing weakness – nothing.

Usually his anger translated into passion in the bedroom, so Ritsuko generally got the benefits of his unrest… but occasionally it translated into violence, and she found herself getting the short end of the stick.

She touched her throat and winced slightly, knowing that it was bruised.

Sometimes when they were intimate, her would call her Yui. Those were the best times for her. Even though she disliked the thought of him imagining that she was someone else, he had always been gentle with her on those rare occasions. Once he had even called her Rei. That was a bad night. He had been furious, as if it was her fault, and had made her swear to never tell another living soul on pain of death – a threat she wholeheartedly believed.

Tonight his mind seemed occupied with the thoughts of his son and the First Child.

Ritsuko could tell his anger was deepening. She knew him well enough to know when a big blowup was coming, in spite of the fact that Rei was currently avoiding Shinji on her own. _At least Misato's on her way to Matsushiro,_ she thought, _maybe when we have Unit 03 in our hands, things will be a bit calmer._

How anyone could hold that much animosity against his or her own child, Ritsuko could not understand. She had not been on _bad_ terms with her mother, but they had certainly had their differences… however, she could not imagine her mother having as much negative emotion towards her as Gendou had towards Shinji.

_If he knew I was pushing them back together,_ she thought with a streak of true fear. _God, I doubt they'd find the body…_

She comforted herself with the knowledge that her clumsy plotting _did_ have a point, if she could only survive long enough to see it implemented.

"Hmm…"

Ritsuko trembled as Gendou turned away from the window and started back towards the bed. His intentions were quite clear… and the results of his rage were clearly visible when they were through, requiring her to wear a turtleneck and her full-length lab coat for a week afterwards to hide the bruises.

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji moved Unit 01carefully into position, frowning lightly as he surveyed the terrain. "This is the spot," he muttered to himself, "wonder what this is all about…"

His orders had been simple – move to grid coordinates X 5432 by Y 3423 and await further orders. That was it.

"All Units reporting that they are in position," Maya announced over the tac-net. "Please stand by."

Biting his lip, Shinji considered opening a link to Unit 00, but he discarded the idea quickly. _This isn't the place;_ he thought astutely, _I'll talk to her later._

Ritsuko had outlined, very carefully, the steps she felt he should take to get Rei back – the first of which involved abject begging… but so far, Shinji had not managed to find a time when Rei was alone and he had the nerve at the same time.

_I can't just grab her and kiss her,_ he thought tiredly, idly drumming his fingers on Unit 01's right control yoke, _what right do I have to treat her like nothing happened? God, do I want to, though! …I can't believe I ruined everything. I just need to figure out how to get back to the way we were._

Secretly, Shinji felt that they would never quite manage to be exactly the way they were at first, but there was a small part of him – the one that made him smile at the end of romance movies – that believed that there was potential for things to be even better than they were before.

If only he could find a way to make it happen.

"Stand by for update," Maya's voice called, sounding tense.

Thoughts of relationships and romance were blasted from Shinji's mind as his father came onto the tac-net, calmly outlining the current situation for the three pilots.

"An explosion at Mount Matsushiro?" Shinji said, leaning closer to the monitor in his urgency, "Is Misato ok?"

"Contact hasn't been reestablished," Asuka answered hesitantly, "weren't you listening? Just relax, Third Child… just relax."

"Well… how can we fight an angel without her? We need her!" Shinji tensed in the pilot's seat, waiting for a visual on the target.

"Commander Ikari will lead this operation," Maya informed them, "everything's gonna be fine."

_I hope Misato's ok…_ Asuka thought as the com system went quiet, _mama always said not to go to bed after harsh words, and this is a lot more extreme than going to bed._

She tried to follow her own advice and relax, wishing Misato's face was not so vivid in her memory. Words echoed in her ears as she recalled their heated argument the night before the purple-haired woman left for Matsushiro.

_She's wrong,_ Asuka told herself firmly, _Shinji NEEDS to know that his friend's a pilot! Touji doesn't want to tell him, and I can understand why – Shinji would try to talk him out of it… but Misato should have told him as soon as Touji was on the plane to the testing facility! She just-_

"Visual confirmation received from Mount Nobi," Aoba's voice came over the network, cutting into the redhead's thoughts, "putting it onscreen."

Shinji gasped as a black figure lurched around the edge of a mountain range.

"Is that…?"

His father's voice came to him, sounding cool and unimpressed. "Correct. It has been reclassified as an angel, and must be destroyed. Prepare to engage."

In the control room, Gendou watched Unit 03 slowly approach his son's location. _Putting Unit 01 in the point position was a bit hasty, perhaps,_ he thought coldly, _but the boy must be shown that he is NOT the one in control._

"But… what about the pilot?" Shinji asked, reluctantly bringing his rifle up. "We need to save him."

Gendou's voice grew ten degrees colder. "The pilot's life is irrelevant. Only defeating the angels matters… do what you're told."

"Shinji," Asuka's voice snapped urgently over the tactical network, "the Fourth Child – the pilot of Unit 03… it's Suzuhara, do you hear me? It's Touji!"

Shinji's eyes went wide, but before he could reply, Unit 03 threw its head back and roared, a chillingly human sound that echoed across the mountainside, slamming into Unit 01's audio pickups with almost physical force. A moment later, Unit 03 lowered its head and charged, its eerie white eyes narrowing even as its jaw cracked open in an obscene grin.

"No!" Shinji cried, instinctively raising Unit 01's right hand and willing his AT into existence. "Touji! Touji are you in there? Can you hear me?"

_I can't believe this is happening,_ he thought desperately, feeling a drop of sweat slip down the side of his face as Unit 03 grew closer and closer, _Why__ didn't he tell me? Why didn't Misato tell me? Don't think… don't think… just get him out, nothing else matters right now._

Unit 03 grunted, skidding and skittering to an awkward stop just a few feet short of running into Unit 01's AT field. It snarled, a low rumbling sound in the back of its throat, and lowered to all fours, pacing back and forth like a caged lion in front of Unit 01, clearly looking for a way through the shimmering shield as Shinji kept trying to reach his friend.

"Fight it, Touji!" the Third yelled, praying that the boy could hear him. "Concentrate! Take the EVA back – I know you can do it!"

Suddenly, Unit 03 stopped growling and tilted its head to the side as if listening to something.

Shinji watched, hope growing in him. "That's it!" he called excitedly, "That's it, fight it! Come on, just listen to my voice, stay with me!"

The other EVA seemed to be confused, taking a hesitant step backwards and shaking its head from side to side as a low, dog-like whine resonated inside its chest.

"_Yes_!" Shinji yelled. "Fight, Touji, don't let it win!"

With perceived victory within his sights, Shinji Ikari then made one of the biggest, and nearly the last, mistakes of his life – he lowered his AT field.

The black mecha was on him in a second, pouncing with a frighteningly human roar of glee as it brought Unit 01 to the ground. It tore the rifle from the purple machine's hands and smashed it against the robot's head, shaking Shinji in the entry plug and sending a huge stab of pain through his microcasted hand as it banged against the control yokes. A thick, blue liquid began oozing from Unit 03's gaping jaws, falling onto Unit 01's arm and causing it to spasm.

Shinji gasped as he felt his arm lose feeling… then become gradually warmer, as if he was standing too close to an oven set to 450.

"The angel is invading Unit 01!" Maya cried out.

"Sever the arm," came Gendou's terse reply.

Maya just gaped at the order. "But… his nerve connections are still active," she stammered, turning back to her keyboard, "give me a minute to-"

"Cut it off!" Gendou replied, secretly pleased by this turn of events.

_Maybe this can serve as a lesson for the boy…_ he thought with a faint smile. P_erhaps in the future he will be more obedient._

The heat in Shinji's arm vanished… along with all other feeling, as the explosive charge in the Unit's shoulder went off. "AAAAHHH!" he yelled as all of his senses registered the loss of the limb. Darkness threatened to overtake him as the pain mounted higher and higher, a punishing drone assailing his senses as he unconsciously flexed his (missing) hand into a fist. "Father…" he gasped, trying to bring Unit 01 to its feet.

Unit 03 regarded the purple mecha's struggles for a moment – like a cake decorator surveying a finely crafted centerpiece… then, as if satisfied with what it saw, it let out another of its all-too-human roars, shaking the ground under its feet as it brought its hands together and reared back. With a grunt of effort, it brought its fists smashing down against Unit 01's chest, knocking it back to the ground. Not content, it began pounding on Unit 01 furiously, hitting it again and again.

Within the entry plug, Shinji was rocked by the impact. His mind flashed back to the battle with the first angel and the horrible pain in his eye as its energy lance had finally pierced Unit 01's brain case. _What will it feel like when Unit 01's heart gets crushed?_ he thought deliriously. _Will my heart stop too? …if Unit 01 dies, will I die too?_

Somehow, he did not think he would have to wait too long to find out.

( 0 0 0 )

In her entry plug, Rei listened intently to the battle with a steadily growing look of frustration on her normally placid face. _I was told to hold my position…_ she told herself, flinching as another crunch echoed over the tac-net, _I was told to hold-_

"Cut it off!"

"AAAAHHH!"

"Shinji!"

Rei gritted her teeth.

_I should be where he is…_ she thought agonizingly. _But… but he will only reject me, and I have… orders…_

Slowly closing her eyes, she took a deep breath.

_I must go to him._

With this thought, Rei began running towards Unit 01's position.

Asuka was already there.

With a scream, the redhead threw her mecha at the possessed Unit as it raised its fists for another hit, slamming into it and knocking it back several hundred yards. Panting from the exertion she yelled, "Shinji, are you ok?"

"Hurts…" Shinji croaked, clutching his shoulder.

_It's there,_ he told himself firmly, _It's still THERE, damn it!_

Asuka's eyes narrowed as she positioned herself between the two Units. "Hold on," she whispered grimly, "I'll make sure it can't hurt you anymore."

Unit 02 took a menacing step towards the black machine as it regained its feet.

"Careful…" Shinji gasped through the pain, struggling to stay conscious as darkness swam at the corners of his vision, "remember… Touji…"

Asuka frowned. _I know…_ she thought, bracing herself as Unit 03 regained its footing, _I'll save him…_

She willed Unit 02 forward once more, activating her progressive knife and keeping her eyes on the rogue machine.

_…if I can._

( 0 0 0 )

Rei gasped in huge lungs full of LCL as she arrived on the scene, looking down at the mostly intact Unit 01 with a look of relief so profound that it could have defined the word. "Shinji… are you alright?"

"Get him out of here, you useless idiot!" Asuka yelled as Unit 00 approached the downed machine, "I need room."

With a grunt of effort, the redhead drove both of Unit 02's fists forward, connecting with the possessed EVA and knocking it backward to buy Rei more time.

"GO!"

"Yes," Rei agreed readily, crouching to put her Unit's arms around Unit 01.

As the two mecha moved laboriously away, Asuka focused her attention on the angel, bracing herself as it stood once more and trying desperately to figure a way to get the plug free.

She winced as her opponent saw its prize escaping and narrowed its eyes.

_Uh oh…_

Asuka tried to sidestep as the angel howled and dove towards her, but she was not fast enough to avoid the tackle. "Damn!" she yelled as her Unit hit the ground, her progressive knife flying from her hand. Her cry of fear turned into a gasped of elation, however, as a totally unexpected opportunity presented itself.

With one hand, she slammed the black mecha's head into the ground, reaching over its shoulder and grasping the half-ejected entry plug tightly in her Unit's fist before yanking it fiercely back, pulling it free with a sound like a thousand snapping guitar strings.

Triumphantly, she held the plug aloft, trying to scramble back before Unit 03 could regain its senses.

She was not quite fast enough.

Before she could blink, a black arm shot forward and slapped Unit 03's entry plug from her Unit's hand.

"_NO_!" Asuka screamed, watching helplessly as the white cylinder spun end over end and impacted against the mountainside with a sickening crunch, spraying LCL everywhere.

Asuka turned her attention back to the almost-grinning visage of Unit 03, her blood boiling as images crashed through her mind. Shinji and Rei, avoiding each others eyes as they passed in NERV's halls… Touji, hesitantly outlining to her the reasons why he had agreed to pilot… Misato, guiltily confessing that the real reason she had wanted to keep Touji's Child status a secret was to save Shinji any more pain.

People she had sworn to protect… people she had failed.

"AaaaaaaaHHHHH!"

With a bloodcurdling scream, Asuka brought her Unit's legs up and kicked hard, catching the creature in the stomach and sending it flying, a cruel grin lighting her face as the black machine spun through the air, coming crashing down with a deafening, bone-jarring crunch.

She got her Unit upright, unconsciously baring her teeth and feeling a flush of anger rise across her face. "That's two of my friends you've hurt," she grated dangerously, "I am _so_ going to fuck you up!"

In her rage, she was not even fully aware that she had openly declared Touji to be her friend, not that she would have questioned it just then… there was pain to inflict. She dove to the left and came up with Unit 02's progressive knife as the angel brought itself up on all fours, stalking forward like a wildcat.

Asuka brandished the knife, gesturing with her other hand. "_Come on_!" she shouted, "Come get it!"

The angel pawed the ground, then lashed out, catching Asuka off guard as its arm extended and wrapped around Unit 02's throat, but the Second shook off her surprise quickly, struggling to breathe as she gasped, "You'll have to do better than that."

So saying, she brought Unit 02's knife around in a wicked, underhand slash.

The angel screamed in pain and rage as its arm was severed at the elbow, flopping uselessly to the ground as a jet of blood sprayed Unit 02 and darkened its light red paintjob considerably. Relentlessly, Asuka closed the remaining distance between them, hitting Unit 03 squarely between the eyes and driving it to the ground. Quick as a flash, the angel rolled onto its back and swung with its remaining arm, landing a solid punch right under Unit 02's jaw.

The red mecha staggered as Asuka tried to compensate. "I won't lose!" she screamed, kicking the prone Unit in the face, "Not to you! No to _anyone_!"

The black mecha tried to rise again, but Asuka fell on top of it, raising her knife over her Unit's head and bringing it down on the angel's throat. The machine beneath her convulsed, trying to free itself as she pulled the knife out and brought it down again, this time in the chest.

"DIE!" Asuka shrieked, pulling downward with all of her EVA's strength and parting Unit 03's chest with the vibrating blade. The possessed machine struggled frantically, trying to buck the other robot free, but Asuka was having none of it. Leaving the knife embedded in the other machine's abdomen, she reached in the gap and grabbed handfuls of the now exposed internal organs, squeezing as hard as she could.

Unit 03 screamed, writhing in agony under the red machine's brutal assault and trying ineffectually to push it away.

Asuka never let up for a second, pulling at the internal organs and armor plates with a savage intensity that would have frightened her if she had not been caught up in the desire to kill.

"_Asuka_!" a voice finally cut though the red haze in her mind, "Asuka, it's… it's dead…"

Asuka looked down at the shattered remains of the EVA. _Gott__ in Himmel_, she thought, sickened by the sight of Unit 02's hands covered in gore, _what have I done?_

( 0 0 0 )

The locker room was quiet as the girls changed, each caught up in thoughts of the battle and the two injured boys – for different reasons, though not as different as people might think.

Asuka finished dressing first, wearing a deep frown on her face as she began walking out.

As she passed, Rei reached out and grabbed her arm. "I… wanted to thank you for saving him," she said haltingly, unused to using such words. "I could not-"

Asuka spun around and slapped the First Child across the face, earning her a small gasp of surprise. "You should have been there for him!" she yelled at the stunned girl. "You don't just let someone you care for get hurt – no matter what your 'orders' are, or how hard things are between you! You fight for them – you protect them! God, I feel sorry for Shinji… falling in love with a useless, fucking doll. What a goddamn shame."

Without waiting for a response, she turned on her heel and left the room, banging every locker she passed closed in her anger.

Rei stared after her, one hand on her stinging cheek. _She is right…_ she thought dismally. Her eyes went to the plugsuit hanging in her locker.

"What use is EVA if I cannot use it to protect the one I love?" she whispered to the empty room.

Of course… she got no reply.

Asuka stalked through the halls of NERV in a rage, ignoring a handful of hesitantly called greetings and congratulations as she made her way towards the infirmary. _Of all the times to choose to be a doll,_ she thought, shaking her head angrily. _Hopefully I slapped some sense into her, but who knows? Girl's about as dense as-_

She came up short as she spied Misato coming around the corner. One arm, Asuka noticed, was in a sling, and a most unflattering bandage was wrapped tightly around her head, but the woman was undeniably alive.

Asuka frowned, though, glancing around for a hallway to duck into before she was spotted. The last thing she wanted just then was to have a debriefing with the annoying, overly-boisterous woman – not after the way she had torn Unit 03 into pieces.

"Asuka," Misato said, dashing any hopes of getting past without a discussion, "I need to talk to you about something."

"Talk fast, Misato," Asuka muttered, lengthening her stride and forcing Misato to scramble to keep up, "I need to go check on Shinji and Touji."

The older woman took a deep breath. "I just listened to the tapes of the battle, Asuka," she said carefully. "Why are you acting this way? You know that Shinji and Rei are together, but you're acting like a jilted girlfriend."

Asuka smirked. "Boy," she said absently, "for a 'master tactician' you sure suck at reading people."

"I'm serious," Misato countered, "I want to know what you're thinking. You knew Touji was the Fourth… but you didn't twitch a muscle until Shinji was the one in danger. Now why are you so hung up on-"

"Shut up," Asuka cut in, her tone so icy that Misato actually did what she was told. "Just shut up and keep your nose out of it, God you're annoying!"

Misato looked at the girl, taken aback by her rage. _She's dangerous this way…_ she realized, _she has to understand that our survival is more important than her loyalty to him… _

She licked her lips. "Asuka," she said carefully, "Shinji is a fantastic young man… but even you must know that the fate of the entire species-"

"This is why you can't be trusted," Asuka said flatly. "You have yourself a nice day, Major… and don't worry about Shinji any more. He's in good hands."

With that, she turned and strode past the older woman, rounding the corner and disappearing before Misato could recover enough to reply.

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji opened his eyes carefully, glad that he was still _able_ to open his eyes, and looked down at his body. Aside from the various life-monitoring sensors attached to him, he seemed intact – and a quick flex of the hand told him that his right arm was indeed still attached to his body.

_Man,_ he thought dismally, _now I know what roadkill feels like…_

Every joint in his body seemed to be protesting as he pushed himself up to a sitting position. He put a hand on his head, taking a deep breath to try to clear some of the cobwebs from his mind, and when he finally felt like he could handle the world, he looked around.

"Boo!"

Yelping with surprise, Shinji nearly fell out of bed, his eyes going wide as someone leapt up from the side of the bed.

"Haha- ow, ow! Damn it, Souryu – stop making me laugh!" a voice protested from the other side of the room.

"T-Touji…?"

Looking past the still-giggling Asuka, Shinji found that the other bed in the hospital room was indeed occupied by his best friend. Before he could get too choked up, Asuka rose up from where she was crouching by the bed and whispered, "He's fine… don't sweat it…"

Shinji frowned at the tone in the redhead's voice. He had only heard that tone from the girl when she talked to, or about, Kaji. With a start, he realized that she was being affectionate, and for one brief instant, jealousy flared in him.

_She's never used that voice when she was talking about me,_ he thought, absently noting that the door to the room was slightly ajar, _what, am I not worth it, or-_

"Hey," Asuka said with a wink, "why are you staring at me, Third Child?"

"Woot!" Touji called, "You go, Shin-man! Why settle for one girl, huh?"

"I… I wasn't staring," Shinji stammered, blushing as the other two Children laughed… and doing his very best not to think about the Child that was not present.

The reminder that Touji was a Child hit Shinji rather hard, and he sat up higher in bed, trying to get a better look at his friend.

Asuka moved aside, casually sitting on the edge of Shinji's bed. "Did I say fine?" she mused, shaking her head ruefully, "I meant not dead."

Shinji nodded dumbly as he looked at Touji. Though he seemed to have all of his limbs, Shinji could easily see that the jock was in pain – quite a lot of it. His chest was wrapped with heavy bandages, and his right eye was swollen shut with a huge, dark purple bruise. Overall, Shinji thought guiltily, Touji looked like a boxer on the loosing end of a severe beat down.

"Hey," Touji said easily, "it's not as bad as it looks." He snorted, shaking his head ruefully as Asuka rolled her eyes. "Ok, it _is _as bad as it looks, but I'm alive, right?"

Grinning, Asuka leaned back on Shinji's bed, lying carelessly across his legs. "He woke up before you did," she pointed out, resting her hands on her stomach and staring up at the ceiling. "Another few hours, and I _might_ have started worrying about you, idiot. What's the big idea, anyway? I beat the angel, and you go passing out from a little pain? What is _up_ with that?"

Shinji remembered the 'little pain' with a shudder and replied the best way he knew: evasively.

"So, how is Misato?"

Asuka's smile faded as she sat back up. "Fine," she murmured, shooting Touji a significant glance. "Little banged up – but she's got a hard head, so she should be fine in a few weeks."

_Few weeks sounds about right,_ Shinji thought with a faint smile, debating whether to ask her about Rei or not. "So," he said hesitantly, deciding ultimately that it would be a bad idea, "are _you_ ok?"

Asuka smiled, rising to her feet and dropping into the chair between the two beds. "Yeah," she said, clearly happy that he was asking after her health, "just a few bruises. Angels got nothing on me, Third – thought you knew that."

Shinji chuckled, but he noticed that Asuka's attention was no longer on him. Following her line of sight, he stared out into the hallway. "Is… someone out there?"

Keeping her eyes focused on the hall, Asuka shook her head. "No," she whispered quietly, a faint smile lifting the corners of her mouth. "No one at all…"

( 0 0 0 )

Rei locked the door to the Commander's apartment, pocketing the key absently as she started down the stairs and onto the street. Things were tense, but acceptable, when the Commander was in the apartment. He seemed to want to talk to her about something – or perhaps, reiterate something he had already said… but he never spoke, choosing to simply spend his time in silence when she was around, and only responding if she asked him a direct question, which was not often.

She knew better than to upset him.

_Silence was comfortable with Shinji,_ she thought suddenly, stopping at the bottom of the stairs and shaking her head to clear away this memory, _No… do not think about it. That is over…_

Over, she mused as she started up the street towards the train station – over was such a final sounding word. The show is over, the game is over, the fight is over, the day is over… your life is over. It made her want to sigh. Her relationship with Shinji was over. There was nothing to be done about it – not when he felt the way he did… not when she could not even face him when he was wounded and in need of comfort.

_Souryu__ seemed to be doing fine,_ she thought with an uncharacteristic trace of bitterness. _I could not even face him… I am weak. The only way we could reunite would be if he approached me and said-_

"Rei, can I talk to you?"

Rei lifted her head, wondering for a moment if she had spoken these words herself. She carefully made her expression blank, however, as she found herself face to face with, "Ikari."

The Third Child flinched at the formal greeting, but took a step closer, raising his hand in a tentative wave. _He is… injured,_ Rei thought, her eyes lingering on the thin strips of metal on Shinji's hand, _I__ hope it is not too painful…_

This was the hardest aspect of their breakup, she decided instantly – the fact that she still cared. She truly wanted to go to him, and inspect his injury, and kiss him, and somehow make everything alright… but she steeled herself, preparing to walk past him as she remembered his harsh words and the fear in his eye.

"Excuse m-"

"Please wait," Shinji said, quickly reaching out to put his hand – the injured one – on her shoulder. "I, umm… just for a minute…?"

"I need to go to the store," Rei said coolly, carefully pulling away from his touch, "excuse me."

"Please…?"

With a small sigh, the First nodded. "Very well," she said quietly, "but I do not feel it will change anything."

Shinji nodded, gathering his wits and doing his best to remember everything Ritsuko had told him.

"I know…" he said awkwardly, "I know I've let you down… I've been a fool to myself – I thought… that I could live for no one else…"

Rei simply stared at him, waiting for him to complete his painful, soul-bearing speech.

"But now," Shinji murmured, swallowing hard and making himself meet her gaze, "through all the hurt and pain… it's… God, I had this all laid out – everything I would say to make you take me back…" he shook his head, "but it all sounds so stupid now. What I'm trying to say… what I _need_ to say is – I want you back, Rei. How can I get you to love me again…?"

Silence fell as the girl considered the question, finally shaking her head minutely and whispering, "I cannot accept your companionship when I know that you find me… distasteful."

As she turned to leave, Shinji reached out and grabbed her arm. "I don't," he said desperately, holding her tightly as she tried gamely to pull free. "I… being without you is killing me," he confessed miserably. "Every day, I wake up feeling like there's something missing – something so important that I shouldn't even be able to get out of bed without it." He wet his lips, nervously concluding, "I don't care how cliché it sounds, but the something missing is you."

Rei glanced coolly down at his hand, saying nothing until Shinji finally released her. "Why did you invite me over that day?" she asked quietly.

"When we watched the movie?" Shinji asked uncertainly.

"Yes," Rei replied, "you had never shown any interest in me before. Why that day?"

Shinji's shoulders slumped. "I don't know," he admitted, sounding defeated, "all I knew was that every time I looked at you, I saw a person I wanted to be closer to – and that day, I couldn't keep it to thinking." He shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't have a better answer than that."

Rei waited until he met her gaze before asking, "What do you see now…?"

The boy blinked as tears choked his words, making him nearly incomprehensible as he replied, "I see the most important person in my life leaving me behind because I was too blind to understand that where she _came from_ doesn't mean anything compared to who she _is_."

"I see."

His impassioned words seeming to have no effect, Shinji clenched his hands into fists. "Damn it!"

Rei's eyes widened in surprise as Shinji reached out, wrapping his hands around her upper arms and yanking her into a fierce, passionate kiss. She struggled for a moment, but it was weak and perfunctory – barely more than a murmur of protest as he tried to force her to understand how much he needed her.

"D-damn it," he hiccupped, scrubbing angrily at his eyes as he pulled away, "why can't I make you s-see? I j-just want to be with you…" Slowly, it dawned on him just what he had done. "Sorry," he gasped, covering his mouth with one hand and clenching his eyes closed, "God, Rei – I'm sorry…"

Tentatively, Rei reached up, touching her lips and bringing her fingers away tinged in red.

"I'm sorry…"

Rei said nothing, slowly rubbing her fingers together and staring at the tiny spot of crimson staining them.

"I'll, umm… I'll go now," Shinji said quietly. "I hope-"

"It truly means that much to you?" Rei cut in quietly, finally letting her hands fall to her sides. "I cannot change what I am, Shinji… will you be alright knowing where I come from?"

Shinji let out a long, shuddering breath. "I'm not sure," he replied honestly, quickly hurrying on as Rei brought her gaze back to him. "But I want to try." He licked his lips as Rei stared at him, her eyes betraying no emotion that he could read. "All I can do is try," he whispered, refusing to look away from her as he reached up and put his hand on her cheek, "because I'm not strong enough to say 'no, it doesn't bother me at all.'" After a long moment of silence, he tentatively asked, "So… are we… can we stay together?"

Rei closed her eyes, leaning her cheek against his warm palm. "Yes," she said finally, "we can… so long as you are willing to try, Shinji – because I cannot be the only one to change…"

The boy stared at her softly gentle features for a moment, then quietly whispered, "You really have changed."

Slowly, Rei opened her eyes, making him shiver as she quietly replied, "Because of you." Without breaking eye contact, she covered his hand with her own, holding it against her face and drawing a long, deep breath. Letting it go, she said, "I have… missed your touch, Shinji."

"Yeah, I missed touching you too."

Rei blinked, opening her mouth to comment that she had missed that aspect of their relationship as well, but before she could speak, Shinji barked a short, nervous laugh.

"I d-didn't mean it like that," he said awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. "God, I sound like a pervert… I just meant-"

Laying a cool finger against his lips, Rei silenced him. "I understand," she said quietly. "I have never been very good at expressing myself either… you do not need to be embarrassed."

They stood in silence for several moments, simply enjoying the feeling of closeness they were sharing. Finally, Shinji stepped closer to the First, wrapping his arms around her and holding her slender body up against his, nearly shouting out loud as she came to him willingly, burying her face in his shoulder and filling her lungs with his scent.

_I WON'T screw it up this time,_ he thought brutally. _I'll never make you cry again, Rei, I swear!_

Wishing that this mental proclamation was entirely within his sphere of influence, Shinji loosened his grip, letting Rei step back. "Where are we going?" he asked as she took his hand in hers and began to walk.

"I am not quite sure," Rei admitted, shaking her head minutely. She stopped after several minutes of silence, turning to face the uncertain young man and carefully raising his injured hand to eye level. "Did this happen in the angel attack?"

"No," Shinji whispered, shaking his head for emphasis. "It was before that."

"How did it happen?"

Shinji lowered his eyes. "I was… angry that I'd hurt you," he said softly, "I hit the wall with my fist."

Slowly, Rei raised his hand to her lips, kissing him between the metal plates of the microcast. "If it would not be too much trouble," she said quietly, "please do not hurt the one I love anymore."

Unsure if this was meant as a joke or not, Shinji simply replied, "I'll umm… try not to."

Seemingly satisfied with this response, Rei quietly moved around to Shinji's other side, taking his uninjured hand in hers before continuing to walk down the street.

"Hey, umm…"

"Hmm?"

Gathering himself, Shinji whispered, "There's a bunch of apartments free in our building. Since your place was… well, you know – maybe you could… get one of those."

Rei considered this. "It would be nice to be that close to you," she said slowly, "but I do not believe that the Commander would approve."

"Oh…"

"…I may request it, however."

Shinji brightened considerably. "Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Perhaps."

This, Shinji decided would have to do – he was far too busy thrilling to the feel of Rei's hand in his to worry about whether or not she was going to live close by. He did have _some_ priorities, after all. As they walked down the streets of Tokyo-3, he felt as though he should say 'I love you,' or something similar to show how glad he was to have her back… but nothing came out.

Ultimately, he simply raised her hand to his lips, kissing it as she had kissed his and renewing his unspoken promise to make her happy no matter the cost.

I was not, he would find, an easy commitment to keep.

Continued…

Author's Notes: as far as I know, there's nothing like the microcast in the real world, but I could be wrong. It just sounded like a cool idea – and really, would you want YOUR giant mecha pilot wandering around with a big clunky cast on his hand, potentially affecting his ability to operate his machine? No, I don't think so!

Pre-read on this chapter was by Ryoma, Akodo-Tim, and LeperMessiah – who all agreed that it is far better to have loved and lost… than to be hit in the head with a steel pipe. And lastly, if you really want someone to blame for this chapter taking so long, blame Fuhrer Lep. Stupid chapter went to four drafts before that slave driver was happy with it.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	5. The Subtleties of Love

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Touch'

By Random1377

Part 5 – The Subtleties of Love

Humming softly to himself, Shinji reached into his closet and pulled out a rather worn sweatshirt, considering it for a moment before nodding and tugging it over his head. Everyone has a shirt or pair of pants – usually both – they consider work clothes, and this shirt happened to be Shinji's. He only pulled it out if he was planning to get dirty or dusty, an event surprisingly infrequent considering Misato's notoriously poor housekeeping skills.

Today, though… today Rei was moving into one of the apartments on the next floor down from Misato's, and he anticipated pushing heavy furniture and lots of boxes.

_If Asuka was any indication,_ he thought wryly, _it could take most of the day._

When Asuka had moved into the apartment, her boxes had taken up the entire hall.

Some of them were still unopened.

_God help you if you suggest that they might not be that important, though,_ Shinji reminded himself, recalling the explosion when Misato had suggested just that, _you'd think they had pirate gold in them. Hell, for all I know they DO have pirate gold in them – they're heavy enough._

Pausing at Misato's room, he gave the door a hesitant knock. "Misato?" he called softly, "are you up? Rei will be here soon… I'm going to help her, ok?"

He waited for a moment, then shrugged and turned away. If Misato was in her room, she was either asleep, or pretending to be asleep – probably the latter, Shinji thought, as she had spent pretty much every waking second since the last angel attack avoiding Asuka.

_No idea what happened between them, but I'm GUESSING it wasn't good._

Making his way into the kitchen, Shinji found Asuka carefully folding eggs in the skillet… and cursing to herself in German.

"I said I'd cook," Shinji pointed out timidly, "Rei's not here yet, you know."

"Oh just go away," Asuka murmured, showing none of the affectionate kindness she had displayed when he was in the hospital, "you'll drop everything the moment your little doll shows up… I might as well stick with it until it's done."

Shinji blushed. "I wouldn't do that," he said awkwardly, "I mean… I said I'd help her, but I'm sure she could wait while I finish cooking."

Folding the eggs again and making a neat roll, Asuka muttered, "Well now you don't have to, it's done. That idiot friend of yours better appreciate this, Third Child."

"You could have said no," Shinji pointed out, holding his hands out in front of him as Asuka rounded on him. "I mean, umm, you could have brought him in some takeout or something! He just said he wanted something better than hospital food! …don't hit me."

Asuka rolled her eyes. "I won't hit you," she grumbled, turning back to the skillet and clicking the heat off under it, "geez… two days ago you were fighting an angel and now you're cowering like I'm gonna beat you down. How… disgusting."

_And two days ago you were being nice to me,_ Shinji thought, shuffling his feet as Asuka reached out to scoop up the eggs, _did I do something wro-_

"Ow – _shisse_"

Shinji jumped as Asuka cried out and yanked her hand away from the stove, clutching it to her chest. "What? What happened?"

"Burned myself," Asuka hissed, "my wrist touched the edge of the skillet – man that _hurts!_"

His brow furrowing with concern, Shinji hurried to her side. "Let me see," he whispered, reaching out and turning on the sink with his free hand. "It doesn't look too bad," he said critically, "let me get the water warm."

"Warm?" Asuka gaped, "Make it cold!"

Shinji shook his head, leading Asuka's arm under the faucet. "If it's cold it'll hurt your skin," he said calmly, "warm water stops the burning without damaging anything."

"Hmm," Asuka said thoughtfully, allowing him to tend her wound without protest, "you really know a lot about it."

Shrugging, Shinji murmured, "I've burned myself enough times to check into it."

Asuka leaned a little closer. "Clumsy. If you didn't get hurt so much, you wouldn't need to know that… but then I guess you wouldn't be able to help me."

Shinji frowned, sure that if he looked up quick enough, he would find Asuka's gaze on him… but as he lifted his eyes, he saw that she was simply staring at her wrist. _Funny,_ he thought as he turned off the water, _I could have sworn she was looking at ME a minute ago…_

"You should put some aloe on that," he said, grabbing a clean dishrag out of the drawer by the sink, "it'll make it feel better."

Brushing past him, Asuka smirked. "Thanks, doc – I think I'll live now."

Shinji chuckled, pushing the idea that Asuka had been staring at him out of his mind.

"If you wanna wait a little while, I'll go with you to see Touji."

"Nah," Asuka yawned, rattling around in the cupboards for a clean bento, "I'll just drop this off and head back home – not like I'm gonna hang with the stooge or anything."

"O-oh…"

Glancing at him over the edge of one of the kitchen chairs, Asuka murmured, "Problem?"

"Hmm?"

"You look confused."

Shinji scratched his head. "Well, I guess I was just wondering… are you guys like, friends now, or…?"

Asuka snorted. "We're associates," she said coolly, "that's all. I have to work with him, so I have to get along with him – and he's a pilot, so I can't really ignore him."

_You do with Rei,_ Shinji thought, wisely biting his tongue before he could voice this observation.

"'Friends' is too strong," Asuka continued, finally pulling a bento out of the cupboard and putting it on the table, "but I can stomach him, if that's what you mean."

Shinji managed a weak chuckle. "I'm sure he'll be glad to hear it."

The conversation lapsed, and after a moment of silence, the doorbell rang.

"See you later," Asuka said smoothly, snapping the lid onto the now-full bento.

"Umm yeah."

Still puzzling over Asuka's intentions towards Touji, Shinji hurried to the front door, pulling it open to find Rei waiting patiently on the other side with a small, nondescript brown box in her arms.

"Hey," he said, slipping into his shoes, "I'm ready!"

"Ready for what?" Rei asked quietly.

"To help you move in," Shinji laughed, "is all your stuff downstairs, or what?"

Rei glanced down at the box, then back up at Shinji. Silently, she offered him the box, waiting until he had taken it before murmuring, "This is my stuff."

Ignoring his look of shock, she turned and started towards the elevator. As they went down to her new apartment, Shinji kept kicking himself mentally. _Of course,_ he thought, felling very stupid, _her apartment building was leveled – this box is either all she could save… or everything she bought since moving in with Father._

Astutely, he guessed it was the latter.

"This is it."

Shinji nodded. "Thank goodness… this was getting heavy."

Rei glanced at him for a moment, trying to decide if he was joking or serious. Once she was sure that he was teasing her, she favored him with one of her rare, nearly infinitesimal smiles. "Welcome to my home," she said quietly, keying the door open and gesturing for him to go in before her.

Shinji bowed and walked in, finding the apartment nearly a perfect replica of Misato's. "Wow," he said, "it's in great shape. A little… er, hot, but…"

"The air conditioning unit is not working," Rei said, stepping into the apartment and allowing the door to slide shut behind her. "I have called the repairman, but he will not be around until later. Would you care for a drink?"

"Sure."

Shinji followed her into the kitchen, setting the box on the table and glancing around at the dusty surfaces with a slight frown. Dust motes swam lazily through the air, drawing a light cough from the boy, but all in all, it was not a dump.

_Not like her last place._

"I will… clean later," Rei said, clearly wanting to impress him. "I simply have not had time."

"No," Shinji said quickly, "of course not – when would you? I was just thinking I could help, that's all."

Rei nodded. "I would like that."

Quietly, the First opened the box and pulled out a brand new set of glasses, unwrapping and rinsing them under the faucet before pulling the freezer open.

"I wouldn't use that ice," Shinji warned as she reached for a small, blue plastic tray, "who knows how long it's been there?"

"Oh, right," Rei whispered, frowning faintly as she regarded the still-empty glasses.

Shinji smiled reassuringly. "It's ok if it's a little warm," he said gently. "Really."

Nodding, Rei filled the glasses and handed him one. Silence fell as they drank, gazing thoughtfully at each other in the apartment's oppressive heat. The longer the quiet stretched on, the more Shinji found himself shifting, and the more he noticed that there was a single, solitary bead of sweat on Rei's collarbone, slowly, slowly slipping down the front of her shirt.

_Don't stare,_ he told himself, setting his glass on the table and trying not to stare as the droplet slid down between the inviting valley formed by Rei's breasts – barely visible through the open top buttons on her shirt, but undeniably tantalizing to the eye. _Don't stare, don't stare, don't… stare. We haven't even kissed since… well, since I kissed her and made her lip bleed – don't think about… about THAT stuff. It's too soon…_

Rei, it seemed, noticed the attention, averting her eyes as the faintest hint of pink tinged her cheeks. So far, Shinji had not kissed her since she had agreed to continue seeing him, and while it had only been a couple days, she was starting to wonder if maybe she had not done something wrong.

_Perhaps he is still thinking about my… background,_ she thought hesitantly, setting her glass in the sink, _he does not seem to want to look at my body anymore…_

Cautiously raising her eyes, Rei whispered, "Would you… like to join me for dinner?"

Caught off guard – as he had fully expected her to ask him to stop looking down her shirt – Shinji said, "Y-yeah, I'd like that…"

"Alright."

The silence that fell next was so tense and charged with sexual energy that both pilots felt it, shuffling their feet and playing idly with their buttons until finally, Shinji realized he could not take it anymore.

Tentatively, he picked up his glass and came around the table, reaching past Rei to set it in the sink. Rei tensed, planting her hands flat on the fridge to keep herself from touching him – just in case he was still having issues with her origins… though she did run her tongue unconsciously around her lips and tilt her head back minutely, closing her eyes halfway and glancing discretely down at the front of his pants.

It came as rather a shock to her to realize that she was incredibly aroused.

"So," Shinji whispered, pulling his hand back and 'accidentally' brushing Rei's shoulder to see if she would flinch away, "you umm… you're comfortable here?"

Rei nodded, keeping her eyes on his as he stayed very close to her. "I… believe I can be," she said softly, wishing very much that he would break the barrier of implied personal space and touch her again like he did when they were first dating. "It will take some time, though."

Edging discretely closer, Shinji said, "Yeah, I... I heard that things that are worthwhile take time."

"Oh?" Rei murmured, pushing subtly away from the fridge as her eyes fixed on his lips. "I had not heard that."

Shinji let his breath out very slowly to keep it from coming out in a rush. "It's true," he said, speaking so quietly that Rei could hardly hear. "It said that the best things in life are the ones you have to work at…"

Staring into his eyes, Rei quietly replied, "I see…"

After another moment, Shinji was standing in front of Rei with his hands pressed against the fridge on either side of her waist, trapping her with his body as he slowly drew closer and closer, making no attempt to hide his intentions.

A second before their lips met, Rei closed her eyes.

It was worth it.

Shinji meant it to be a chaste, gentle little make-up kiss – he really did… but somehow between putting his hands on the fridge and staring into Rei's eyes, things changed. In his defense, it started out exactly as he had planned, but when they were still kissing several minutes later, it was anything but chaste. Over and over, their lips collided, dancing briefly before pulling back as their hands – no longer idly resting against the fridge – physically drank in details of each others bodies long forgotten.

A hip, a shoulder blade, a breast – everything seemed new and exciting as their movements became wilder, filling the room with the silken sound of palms on fabric, too uncertain, even then, for either of them to try undressing the other.

Finally, due to the heat of the apartment, and the heat they were generating, they parted, wiping sweat from their faces as they struggled to catch their breath. Slowly, as their panting faded away to deep, even inhaling, their eyes met.

Rei leaned her head back against the fridge as Shinji wrapped his arms around her, moving his mouth right next to her ear and sending a powerful shockwave through her with five, simple words.

"Can I see the bedroom…?"

( 0 0 0 )

"God, this sucks!"

Asuka pursed her lips, kicking Touji's bed with her heel as she replied, "Then choke down the shit they feed you here, you ungrateful bastard!"

Touji winced as the bed shook. "Not the food, dumbass," he groaned, holding his ribs with one hand as he tried not to spill his bento, "being cooped up all the time! God, don't be so damn touchy!"

Folding her arms, Asuka leaned back in her chair, looking at the far wall as she muttered, "Be more specific, idiot – you can't take a bite of something I came all the way here to bring you and say 'God this sucks' and expect me to think you're talking about something else."

Sticking his chopsticks back into the bento Touji braced himself. "Oh the food sucks too," he said dryly, earning him a nasty glare, "so I guess it all works out."

"Prick."

"Whore."

Abruptly, Asuka shot to her feet, and loomed over a suddenly nervous-looking Fourth Child. "How's your lunch, Suzuhara?" she grated dangerously.

Wisely, Touji lowered his eyes and mumbled, "It's umm… really good…"

"That's what I thought."

The conversation lapsed as Touji dug into the bento, keeping his mouth occupied to keep his foot out of it. _Man,_ he thought darkly, _Shinji has to live with her – that poor sap! Sure, she's easy on the eyes, but that temper! God… I'd be dead in a week._

After some time, Asuka's brow finally cleared. "I swear," she muttered, lounging back in her chair and eyeing the young man critically, "you and Shinji… two peas in a pod. Neither one of you has an ounce of subtlety or tact. It's a wonder you haven't like, slipped on a banana peel and broken your neck."

Touji pretended not to hear her. "Yes sir," he said a little too enthusiastically, "this food sure is good."

Asuka waved one hand. "Shinji made it," she said lightly, "he figured you'd want something better than the garbage they call food in this dump."

"Well tell him I said thanks."

"Sure."

After several moments of quiet eating, Touji murmured, "Something on your mind, Souryu?"

"What makes you ask that?" Asuka wondered, absently rubbing at the corner of one eye.

Touji shrugged. "I dunno," he said evenly, "just seems like you got something you wanna say."

Asuka rose to her feet and brushed off the back of her skirt. "Not to you," she mumbled. "Enjoy the food, Suzuhara."

"Hey, wait," Touji called quickly.

"Huh?"

"Can you, umm… stick around a while?" Touji asked hesitantly. "This place really does blow…"

Considering the request for a moment, Asuka frowned. Back home there was only Misato, who she was not exactly on the best terms with, PenPen, who seemed to somehow know that she wasn't getting along with his owner (not that she really cared, but he had tried to peck her twice in the last few days), and Shinji… who was probably at Wondergirl's anyway.

"I could," she said finally, stretching her arms up over her head, "but I'd hate for you to get the wrong impression."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Touji demanded indignantly.

Asuka smiled slyly. "It means I don't dig stooges, stooge."

Coloring, Touji muttered, "Well good – saves me the trouble of having to tell you I'm not interested when you throw yourself at me."

"God," Asuka sighed, rolling her eyes as she settled back into her chair, "having a conversation with you is like exfoliating with a cheese grater… but since you're so desperate to have me stick around, I guess I can spare you a _few_ minutes."

Touji was just opening his mouth to tell her that maybe he'd changed his mind when abruptly, the lights went out. "What the…?"

In the distance, an air raid siren began to wail, echoed almost immediately by a sharp ringing sound. Asuka's hand shot into her pocket as she rose to her feet. "Sorry, Suzuhara," she muttered, turning for the door as the hospital's emergency lights came on and flooded the room with red light. "Duty calls and all tha-"

Asuka came up short as a thick, steel bulkhead slammed down in front of the door, blocking her in. On the inside of the door, in huge, yellow letters, she read, 'For your safety, please remain in your bed – a hospital staff member will assist you as soon as this emergency has passed.'

At the same time, her cell phone issued a sullen beep, and when Asuka lifted it, she found a small notice on the screen, reading, 'Signal strength insufficient.'

Letting her arm fall to her side, Asuka slowly turned to face the wide-eyed Touji, whispering the only words she could come up with for her current situation.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me…"

( 0 0 0 )

Ritsuko came onto the bridge with a slight flush on her face, pulling the sleeves of her lab coat down to hide the welts on her wrists.

"Status?" she demanded tersely, trying desperately not to feel hatred as the Commander walked in a tasteful distance behind her, showing not so much as a single hint of what they had been doing on his cool, collected face.

"The angel has already breached the Nagataki defense line," Aoba replied, keeping his eyes on the readout in front of him. "It's practically _here_."

"Shinji and Rei are in the cages," Hyouga chimed in, trying to stay cool, "but I can't raise Asuka. We had her on the line, but the connection was lost…"

"Keep trying," Ritsuko ordered, glancing over her shoulder as the door to the command deck hissed open. "You're late, Major!"

"Sorry," Misato panted, resting a hand on the back of Maya's chair. "What's the status on Unit 01?"

"It's in the AT neutralization zone, Major…" the brown-haired tech said reluctantly.

"…but the right arm hasn't been fully regenerated yet," Ritsuko concluded, shaking her head in disgust.

"So it's not ready for combat," Misato frowned. "Ok, there's no time to get anyone to the surface, so position Rei for combat inside the Geofront, directly in front of headquarters. I want her to snipe the target as soon as it penetrates… I want this ended as fast as possible."

"Yes ma'am!"

Down in the cages, Rei acknowledged the order, waiting patiently as Unit 00 was moved to one of the catapults. _Now is my opportunity to protect you,_ she thought as her mecha was shot to the interior of the Geofront.

In her mind's eye, she could already see the angel falling. There could be no other outcome, she decided as she quickly arranged the weapons Misato had sent in a rough circle around her Unit. No, with as good as she felt right then; there was no way she could lose.

Love was her armor – conviction, her sword.

For the one she cared most for, she would not fail.

"Prepare a dummy plug for Unit 02 as a precaution," Gendou's voice crackled over the tactical network. "And establish contact with the Second Child. I am going to the cages to oversee the plug's installation…Fuyutsuki, you are in charge."

Rei nodded to herself, agreeing with the Commander's tactics, but in an uncharacteristic display of bravado, she told herself that they were completely unnecessary.

"The angel is almost through," Misato's voice reported over the communications network, "I'm counting on you, Rei…"

"Understood…"

Tightening her hold on the control yokes, Rei watched for the angel, a faint smile curving her lips as she recalled the heated encounter in her new apartment. _I was not aware it could be so… satisfying,_ she mused, mentally comparing this latest experience with her first. _How odd… it seems so long ago, yet it has been less than-_

She cut this thought off as the armor plates above her finally gave way. "Here it comes," she whispered, her face going back to its usual neutrality as she braced Unit 00 for the coming battle. She waited patiently as the angel – an ugly, black eyed behemoth with a wide, gaping maw – pushed its way into the Geofront, its stubby arms barely squeezing through the narrow gap.

Rei watched her HUD, carefully aligning the triangular targeting sights until they were locked directly onto the angel's core.

"There."

Without any further hesitation, Rei bore down on the control yoke's trigger, keeping a steady bead on the angel as the rifle in Unit 00's hands stuttered out a flood of depleted uranium, armor piercing rounds. If the angel was concerned about the stream of gunfire washing over it, it made no sign, descending into the Geofront and hovering several feet off of the ground, staring impassively at Unit 00 as if trying to decide what to do with it.

Rei's brow creased in an uncharacteristic frown as the rifle clicked dry. "Next…" she whispered, willing her Unit to grab a pair of rifles from the pile of weaponry. She brought them around to bear and depressed the triggers, not bothering with the targeting computers this time, as the angel was now close enough to see with the naked eye. "I am neutralizing the AT field, am I not?" she said to herself, feeling a slight edge of disquiet worming through her stomach as the twin rifles also ran out of ammunition.

Unit 00 seized two rocket launchers next, awkwardly bringing them to bear as Rei whispered, "Why will you not collapse?"

Had she not been in a pressure situation, she may have paid more attention to the rage building inside of her. Emotions were still foreign territory to the First, but given a few seconds to think about it, she may have questioned why, exactly, she was getting so frustrated. As it was, she merely opened fire with the launchers, her brow coming down in a faint scowl as the rockets seemed to splash harmlessly against the angel's thick hide.

As the rocket launchers ran out of ammunition, two long sheets of thin material unfurled from the angel's shoulder pods, dangling down to the ground and swaying in the faint, underground breeze. As Rei leaned forward to get a better look, the sheets whipped up, lashing out and catching the blue mecha at the exact point where its arms met its torso. In less than a second, the sheets moved almost effortlessly up and down… and Unit 00's arms were severed in a gout of blood.

Rei's scream echoed through Central Dogma.

"Damn it!" Misato cried over the tac-net. "Get her out of there! Eject her now!"

"No good," Maya's voice replied frantically, "there's too much biofeedback – I can't get the signal through!"

In the entry plug, Rei's world was a haze of pain. "_Nnn_" she groaned, clutching her shoulders in agony as she tried to form a plan – any plan – to keep fighting. She had to… she simply could not give up when so much was at stake.

"Shinji," she gasped, forcing her hands to close on the control yokes once more. "Shinji… I won't… fail you…"

"Rei, no!" Misato cried in disbelief as Unit 00 began to charge the angel, "Disconnect her nerve connections now!"

Rei's eyes widened as one of the angel's arms bunched up and shot towards her Unit's neck… and then… everything went black.

( 0 0 0 )

"OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR!" Asuka raged, pounding on the sealed bulkhead as her own words echoed snidely in her ears.

'Evacuation training? What are you stupid? That stuff's not for pilots like _us_…'

Touji leaned up against the wall, holding his sides carefully as he watched the redhead resume battering at the door. "I thought we were supposed to be the best," he said ruefully, "and we can't even get out of a hospital room to get to the EVAs." He shook his head, "We should have left as soon as the alarm went off."

"It wasn't our fault," Asuka muttered, running her hands around the doorframe for any kind of crack she could put her fingers into, "they sealed the room before the alarm sounded – and cut off the stupid phones! What kind of hospital _is_ this, anyway? What if someone was coding or-"

She was cut off by a massive crash. Instinctively shielding Touji's body with hers, Asuka coughed as the room filled with dust and debris, waving her hands to clear the air as she searched for whatever had caused the momentous explosion, her streaming eyes going wide as she finally realized what had happened.

"Mein Gott…!"

Not ten feet from where they stood, half in and half out of the building, was the severed head of Evangelion Unit 00.

Touji's mouth hung open as he stared at the huge, monoptic intruder… and at the pulped remains of the bed he had been in less than five minutes before. "Holy shit," he gasped, shaking all over as the full implications of what he was seeing hit him. "Ayanami… that's Ayana-"

"Stay here," Asuka said flatly, squaring her shoulders as she eyed the hole in the hospital's wall.

Touji grabbed her hand before she had taken two steps. "No!" he said firmly, "I'm coming with you. You can't just-"

He cut himself off as Asuka gently covered his hand with her own. "I have to get to Unit 02," she said levelly, looking him dead in the eye as she carefully pulled his hand away. "You'll just slow me down, Suzuhara…"

Touji fidgeted with his hospital gown. "Such a goddamn showoff," he muttered bitterly. "You're not as bad ass as you think, Souryu…"

Smirking, Asuka dropped him a wink. "Yeah, I am," she said, taking a step, but coming up short as a thought occurred to her.

"What?" Touji frowned as the girl shot him a sharp, dangerous look.

Pulling her lips back from her teeth, Asuka started towards Unit 00's head, studying it for the best footholds as she muttered, "If you look up my skirt, I'll fucking kill you…"

( 0 0 0 )

"The angel is moving past Unit 00," Hyouga reported, his voice shaking as the huge invader glided silently past their only line of defense. "It doesn't look like it's going to attack again."

"What about Rei?" Misato asked tensely, praying that she had cut the girl's nerve connections in time.

"She's alive," Aoba reported. "Her heart rate's up pretty high… well, pretty high for Rei, I guess, but she's definitely alive."

Misato nodded. "What's the status on the insertion for Unit 02's dummy plug?"

"It's a no-go."

"_What?_"

"You heard me," Ritsuko said, leaning over Maya's desk and typing so fast her fingers seemed to blur, "there's some kind of pulse-flow negation error."

"What the hell does that mean?" Misato demanded.

"It means 02 is dead in the water."

Misato ground her teeth, pounding her fist into Hyouga's desk and making him jump. "Where the hell is _Asuka_"

( 0 0 0 )

As luck would have it, Asuka was not as far away as Misato thought. "Wow, Wondergirl," she panted, staring in awe at the decimated ruins of Unit 00, "you really got your ass kicked, didn't you?"

At her best guess, she was still a half mile away from the closest entry point to NERV central – an easy sprint… for someone who had not been running for fifteen minutes already. _Good thing I'm in decent shape,_ she told herself, wiping sweat from her brow as she eyed the terrain and began to prepare for her end run. _Time to save the day, I gu-_

"Well, if it isn't the famous Second Child."

Asuka's head whipped around. "Kaji?" she asked in surprise, taking in his unkempt beard and the watering can in his hands before rubbing her eyes to ensure that she was not hallucinating. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same," Kaji replied lightly, showing no signs of fear as a salvo of heavy artillery rocked the hillside less than a mile from where he was standing. "Shouldn't you be piloting or something? Last time I checked, that angel over there was looking mighty crabby."

Asuka looked back at the shattered remains of Unit 00, her face flushing deeply as she muttered, "I… I got lost."

Kaji blinked. "Come again?"

"I made a wrong turn, ok?" Asuka shot back. "Geez! Everyone is going to die, and I made a wrong turn! Can you help me out here a little, you think? Maybe, drag yourself away from whatever it is you're watering over there and help me, oh, I don't know, _save humanity?_"

She stood as tall as she could, her nostrils flaring as she glared at him.

To her surprise, Kaji laughed. "You're cute when you get angry," he said with a wink, setting his watering can down and brushing some dirt off of his pants. "I was actually just about to ask if you needed a… ride…"

Asuka turned, curious to see what had stunned the unflappable Ryouji Kaji into silence.

She gasped as she caught sight of Unit 01 rising majestically out of the ground.

"That idiot!" she blurted, "Where's his _rifle?_"

( 0 0 0 )

In Central Dogma, all eyes were locked on the main screen as the purple mecha charged forward. "Shinji!" Misato yelled, "Return at once, Unit 01 isn't ready for-" 

Ritsuko cut her off. "Good Lord – he's got an N2 mine!"

They all watched in stunned silence as Unit 01 reached the angel and brought the mine down in an overhand arc – stabbing it like a knife at the angel's core.

In Unit 01's plug, Shinji's face was set in a grim mask of determination as the mine came in contact with a glowing hexagonal barrier. "AT field… full power…" he whispered to himself, focusing all of his energy on punching through. "This is for Rei, you son of a _bitch!_"

The angel's field shivered and gave way, allowing the mine to fall towards the core.

"HA!"

Shinji's cry of victory was short-lived, however, as a thick shutter abruptly snapped closed over the angel's core, shielding it less than a second before the mine went off.

"UH!"

"Get down!" Kaji yelled, throwing himself against Asuka and carrying them both into a nearby ditch as the N2 mine went off, praying that the shallow indentation would be enough to shield them from the blast.

Their luck held.

Hot wind tore at their clothes, momentarily sucking the air from their lungs as the explosive force of the mine washed over them, leaving unharmed, but coughing for air.

After a moment of dazed silence, Asuka softly whispered, "Kaji… we don't really have time for this right now."

Kaji, who had reflexively closed his eyes against the blast, looked down, gaping as he found his right hand resting squarely on Asuka's soft breast.

"Ahh!"

Asuka grinned as he leapt off of her. "Now I can die happy," she said dryly, hoisting herself to her feet and dusting off her clothes "So… how about that ride?"

Her smile faded as Kaji once again stared at the combat zone.

_Don't look,_ her mind advised, _don't look – it's worse than you think… don't look!_

In spite of this mental warning, she turned… just in time to see the angel's right arm shoot out, catching Unit 01 directly in the face and splitting its armor clean in two.

"God…"

As the purple machine fell to the ground, Kaji's paralysis finally broke.

Asuka was on his heels every step of the way as he raced towards his car.

( 0 0 0 )

_No good… no GOOD!_ Misato thought. _Two EVAs down… one we can't start… damn it – we're screwed! _

"Status on Unit 02?" she snapped, listening as another explosion rocked the installation. "Try the dummy plug again, for Christ's sake! We-"

"No time!" Hyouga's voice was close to hysterical as he scanned his screen. "That hit was to the foundation – the last plate of armor has been vaporized!"

"Damn!" Misato cried, "It's open – the main shaft is completely _open!_"

"The angel is descending rapidly," Aoba announced clearly trying not to panic as he looked to Misato for guidance, "none of the defenses are even slowing it down."

"Where is it going?" Misato asked tensely, dreading the response… knowing the response.

"It's advancing towards Central Dogma."

"Then it's coming here," Misato said, feeling cold all over as she raised her voice, praying she was not too late. "Evacuate! Everyone get out of here – _now!_"

"All personnel evacuate at once," a surprisingly soft feminine voice began announcing, contrasting sharply with the alarms blaring all around, "there has been a perimeter breach… all personnel evacuate at once… repeating…"

Misato's eyes widened as the huge monitor on the wall suddenly shivered.

_We're too late…!_

The wall shivered again, buckling under the immense pressure behind it as an enormous foot hammered through it, followed immediately by the monstrous shape of the Angel of Might.

Misato stared up at it, her teeth clenched so tight that she was sure she'd cracked a molar.

_This is it…_ she thought, clutching her cross tightly in her uninjured hand as the angel tilted its head to the side, its deep, bottomless black eyes growing slowly brighter and brighter.

Oddly, it was Shinji that Misato thought of in what she was sure would be her last seconds alive. _I'm sorry, Shinji…_ she thought as the angel's eyes glowed brighter, becoming almost blinding, _Asuka__ was right… I was nev-_

There was a tremendous crash as the wall to the angel's left gave way and a gigantic red fist slammed hard into the angel's face, sending it staggering back and immediately snuffing that horrible brightness from its eyes.

"Unit 02?" Misato breathed in disbelief, "_Asuka_"

The red mecha continued forward, wrapping its hands around the angel's shoulders and using its momentum to shove the invader back through the breach it had created, landing on top of it with a monumental crash.

Never letting up, Asuka brought Unit 02's fist back, fully intent on crushing the angel's skull as the fear and fury of powerlessness were channeled into her will to fight. Before she could swing, however, the angel finally recovered its wits, turning its eyes on Unit 02 and cutting loose with a concentrated blast of energy, hitting the mecha square in the upper arm.

"AHH!"

Asuka screamed as Unit 02's arm was severed just above the elbow, crashing into the gantry where Commander Ikari stood calmly watching the fray and dousing him nearly from head to foot with Unit 02's purple-ish blood.

Kicking the angel with all of her might and forcing it back towards the wall, Asuka never noticed the expression on the commander's face – an expression that surely would have caused her to pause, and possibly lose the fight.

Commander Ikari was smiling.

"Not what I had in mind," he murmured under his breath as Unit 02 drove the angel back, "but I suppose it can be worked with."

With a triumphant cry, Asuka finally succeeded in getting the angel where she wanted it. "_Misato!_"

Immediately seeing the redhead's plan, the operations director whipped around, leveling a finger at Maya.

"Launch the fifth catapult!"

Asuka rammed the angel's face up against the wall, grinning cruelly as the catapult was triggered, sending them rocketing towards the Geofront. "You like that?" she hissed between clenched teeth, exerting even more pressure and keeping the angel's face tight against the wall as sparks and smoke flew from the point of contact. There was a moment of nauseating vertigo as they reached the surface… and then they were falling, twisting in midair as they both struggled to regain their equilibrium.

Asuka was rocked as Unit 02 came down hard on the angel, but she shook it off, screaming as she brought her Unit's remaining fist down again and again on the angel's face.

Deciding that this was not enough, she reached out, grabbing the angel by the mouth and eyes and pulling back as hard as her Unit could. "Time to die," she grated, grinning insanely as the servos in Unit 02's arm whined under the stress. "Sayonara motherfu-"

Like a puppet whose strings had been cut, Unit 02 abruptly sagged forward.

"No," Asuka gasped, tugging futilely on the controls as the 'Out of Power' warning tone sounded behind her. "No… no it's impossible! Not now… not _NOW!_"

Unit 02 shook as the angel wrapped its whip-like arm around the mecha's head, hesitating for a moment as if savoring the victory, then tossing it aside like a sack of rice. There was a momentary sensation of free-fall, followed by a sickening impact as the machine slammed into the mountainside; rattling Asuka's teeth in her head and making her eyes water as she struggled to shake it off.

On the ground, the bridge crew exited the elevator they had taken to reach the surface just in time to see the angel blast Unit 02 with its eye-beam, shattering its chest armor in a single blow.

"What is… that…?"Misato whispered, staring at the dull, red orb in the giant's now-exposed chest.

No one replied as the angel drew back its arm and began hammering on the sphere, seemingly enjoying the slow death it was giving its opponent.

Within the plug, Asuka was in a panic. "Move!" she screamed, pulling frantically on the control yokes. "Move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move! You've got to move now, or there's no point to any of this!" Cracks began to form in the plug as the angel continued to pound relentlessly on the Unit's core. "You've got to move!" Asuka screamed, clenching her eyes tightly closed as tears of rage began leaking from the corners of her eyes. "Move now or everyone will be killed! Oh God, I'm sick of it already! I'm sick of it all! So _MOVE YOU GODDAMN MONSTER!_"

_Thump, thump…_

A sound echoed through the Unit, freezing the air in Asuka's lungs.

_Thump, thump…_

Slowly opening her eyes, Asuka stared in dazed wonder as a soft blue glow filled the plug. "What's… happen- ahhh!"

Pain, unlike any she had ever experienced before, ripped through the Second Child's body, tearing at her senses as the blue light seemed to pierce directly into her brain, searing every nerve ending until finally, blackness swam up to claim her, and blissfully… Asuka felt nothing more.

( 0 0 0 )

Maya Ibuki had seen many strange and terrible things since coming to NERV. An untested Unit with a rookie pilot fighting an angel with nothing but a knife… a homemade program forcing an alien virus to hyper-evolve into extinction… a trio of determined teens emerging from a dusty ventilation shaft in the nick of time and saving the lives of thousands of people.

…none of these sights compared to the spectacle she witnessed that day.

The angel was poised with its arm bunched to shoot forward again, seeming to savor the last, killing stroke, clearly confident that Unit 02 – with its missing arm and it's spider webbed core – was in no position to defend itself… when suddenly, the prone mecha's four eyes sprang open, lighting from within with an unholy red glow.

As the angel moved for the kill, Unit 02 extended its hand, spreading the fingers and catching the angel's arm as it struck, splitting it neatly into five pieces before bunching it into a fist and yanking the angel off of its feet, sending it flying through the air with the force exerted.

"Unit 02 is… reactivated…" Maya whispered, watching in awe as the machine in question lashed out with its foot, kicking the angel squarely in the chest and tearing its left arm clean off.

Awe turned to disgust as the red mecha pressed the torn flesh up against the stub of its own missing arm… and the two became one, the angel's tissue merging and mutating into the EVA's until they were inseparable.

Unit 02 threw its head back and howled – a piercing, inhuman wail that reverberated throughout the valley, setting everyone's teeth on edge. The angel's remaining arm shot up from where the creature had fallen, but the red EVA merely put its hand up, spreading its AT field between itself and the angel – effectively slicing the angel's arm at the midpoint.

A beep from her laptop diverted Maya's attention from the gruesome spectacle. "No way," she whispered, turning to her superior in stunned disbelief, "how can Asuka's sync ratio be over four _hundred_ percent…?"

"So it's finally happened," Ritsuko whispered, ignoring Maya entirely as Unit 02 dropped to all fours and advanced on the angel, its jaw restraints cracking open as it drew nearer and nearer.

"She's awakened…"

( 0 0 0 )

"So, it has begun…" Fuyutsuki muttered, looking over the Commander's shoulder at the horror out on the Geofront, "but wasn't it supposed to be Unit 01 that gained the Fruit of Life?"

Gendou stared intently as Unit 02 leaned down and tore a chunk of the angel free, chewing it with clear abandon as the angel continued its feeble struggles. "The vessel doesn't matter," he replied finally, "and the prophecies still hold, just with slight modification."

"What about the damage to the First and Third Children?" the sub-commander asked softly. "You know that they retrieved them both and that initial reports indicate that the Third is-"

Gendou waved a hand dismissively. "He's alive, isn't he? So long as he can still pilot, he will prove useful." He turned and smiled at his old teacher. "He may even prove to be _more _useful in this condition than before."

Fuyutsuki frowned. "Don't you care at all about what happened to him?" he murmured. "He _is _still your son."

Gendou scowled until the other man dropped his eyes. "He's not dead," he repeated, looking back out the window as Unit 02 rose from its gruesome meal and howled like a wolf baying at the moon. _Yui__ would understand,_ he told himself firmly, _and before too long… I will be able to discuss it with her personally._

Continued…

Author's notes: You know, I actually don't have anything I feel a driving need to explain or note on this chapter. Go figure.

Thanks to LeperMessiah pre-reading. In exchange for removing suckage from this fic, he said that I have to plug evafics(dot)org and pretentiouscryptoleage(dot)us. Fun sites, both – and I'm not just saying that because I happen to contribute to both… honestly.

Feedback is always welcome on any page with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	6. Inversion

Disclaimer: see part 1

Touch'

By Random1377

Part 6 – Inversion

Rei stood silently watching Shinji's latest physical examination through the observation window in the intensive care section of the NERV hospital. A bandage covered one of his eyes, though otherwise he seemed unharmed. Physically, at any rate. Misato had refused to tell Rei what his psychiatric evaluation said, and had been quick to dismiss her, citing a need to return to Unit 02's cage to see if any progress had been made in retrieving Asuka from the EVA's plug.

This did not sit well with Rei at all.

"Shinji…" she murmured, putting one hand on the glass and leaning closer to try to make eye contact with the injured pilot. "I am… sorry."

She knew he could not hear her through the glass, of course, but she still felt the need to apologize. She had failed… he had been harmed…

…she was useless.

Shinji's undamaged eye met one of Rei's for a moment, and she drew a sharp breath, stunned at the empty look in that formerly sparkling blue orb. She steadied herself, pressing her forehead to the glass and mouthing, 'I am here,' as Shinji continued to stare at her.

It was difficult for her not to look away as emotions she had been taught to suppress her entire life now flowed unchecked, making her feel weak and powerless.

_I will not weep,_ she told herself sternly, _I may not weep. I am responsible for this._

If Shinji could see the unshed tears glittering in Rei's eyes, or hear her barely whispered assurance that she was still there, he made no sign… he merely stared at her unblinkingly as the doctors finished their examination. It was only twenty-nine hours since the Angel of Might had fallen and been partially consumed by the raging Unit 02, but to Rei it felt like forever. She had not slept, had not eaten – had barely been able to breathe since the rescue team had extracted her from Unit 00's cold plug.

The guilt she felt was enormous. How could she have failed? Her one purpose in life was to pilot EVA – to defend the one she loved… how could she have let this happen?

"Miss Ayanami?"

Rei looked away from Shinji reluctantly as a doctor approached her, tucking a clipboard under one arm as he studied her profile. "I'm Doctor Kobayashi," he said politely. "You can call me Akito, if you would like. I understand that you are… close to Pilot Ikari?"

Rei nodded. "Yes, Doctor Kobayashi, I am his…" she hesitated, then looked back to Shinji, finishing simply, "I am his."

Kobayashi nodded. "I see… well, your commanding officer has authorized me to tell you of our findings, and, if you would like, to visit with-"

He cut himself off, taking an unconscious step back as Rei's head snapped back around to face him.

"Yes… tell me..." the young pilot said, her cool voice taking on a rather unpleasant, hungry edge. "I would… very much like to be with him."

The doctor stared at her for a minute, a bit taken aback by the sudden shift in the girl's attitude. "Alright…" he said slowly, pulling his clipboard out and referring to it as he spoke. "Your young friend is very lucky. We were able to save his eye in spite of the massive amount of damage to the socket. He could easily have been blinded." As Rei nodded, the man went on. "That was the only… physical damage past a few bumps and scrapes…"

Rei frowned slightly as the doctor trailed off. "What about… other damage…?"

The doctor's brown eyes met the First Child's red ones hesitantly. "There are some complications with his mental patterns," he said softly, "some irregularities, if you will. "He feels that he acted recklessly and that if he had thought over his actions more thoroughly, he could have changed the outcome… and saved more lives." He drew a deep breath, knowing that the girl would want to know everything. "As a result," he said, "and we don't know yet if it is because of this guilt or the blow to the head, or perhaps a combination of the two, but he's become distant… cold." He put her hand on Rei's shoulder, lowering his voice to a gentle whisper as he concluded, "He may not be as you remember him."

Rei nodded. "I understand…" she said quietly, "but I would still like to see him as soon as I can. I would… very much like to touch him…"

Looking awkward, the doctor stammered, "He shouldn't… I mean… I don't think he should be… that you should…"

Rei stared at him in silence for a moment. "It is not as you think," she whispered finally. "I need to touch him, doctor… to be in contact with him. I do not intend to make love to him… but I would like to touch him."

_He does not know, _she thought, looking back through the window, _He does not grasp the need for physical contact. I'm sure he has had it all of his life…_

The doctor nodded, not quite understanding the girl's urgency but knowing that it was important to her. "You can see him." He stopped Rei as she turned to go, "…but remember, he might be different than the last time you saw him."

Rei nodded and pulled away. "I know," she said smoothly, "but I do not care."

She opened the door to the intensive care unit and stepped inside, letting the door close quietly before the doctor could say anything else.

"Shinji…" she whispered, standing at the door a moment longer before coming all the way in. Somehow, she felt like she didn't belong – as if she was an intruder. _I am not,_ she told herself firmly. _I am his lover. It is proper for me to be here._

While she had spoken to the doctor, Shinji's eye had slipped closed and he now appeared to be sleeping. Quietly, Rei crossed the room and stood by his bed, reaching out hesitantly to touch his cheek. "I am here," she whispered, hoping that he was awake.

Shinji's eye slowly opened slowly and turned to regard her.

"Hello, Rei."

Though she tried not to let it, the coolness of his tone made Rei's throat clench so tightly that it was difficult to breathe. Forcing herself to produce a tiny smile, she sat down on the bed beside him. "How do you feel?" she asked, gently touching his cheek.

Shinji frowned slightly. "I feel… awful…" he admitted, "like I was run down by a truck." He averted his eye. "That would have been better," he said hollowly. "I couldn't protect you…."

Rei had to swallow before she could speak properly. "No…" she said, shaking her head for emphasis, "if you were gone… I would be alone, and I…"

Words failed her. She had no way to express what she felt for him. Their relationship had been grounded so much in the physical and emotional that she didn't know of another way to communicate with him, so she gave up on trying. Silently, she stood and triggered the release on her plugsuit, letting the pressure out of it and reaching for the releases at the throat and hip.

"What are you doing?"

Rei let the suit fall to the ground. "I would like to lie down with you," she whispered, shivering slightly in the cold of the room, "is that… unacceptable?"

For a horrifying moment, she thought he would nod… and knew that she would be lost if he did.

"No…" he said finally, "that's fine… though why you would want to I don't know."

"I will remind you…"

Slowly Rei pulled the covers back and slipped into the bed with him, resting her head on Shinji's chest and pressing herself up against him as tightly as she could.

"I want to stay with you, Shinji," she whispered, "would that be alright?"

It hurt her to ask. He was hers, and she was his… but as the doctor had said, Shinji was not himself – one look into his cool, lifeless eyes would be enough to see that – so she did as she must.

"I don't mind," Shinji answered replied, "but I don't see why you would want to waste your time on such a pathetic, worthless little b-"

Gently, Rei put her hands on either side of his face, pressing her lips to his and sliding over carefully until she was resting on top of him. "Do not," she whispered as she broke away, "do not say that you are worthless… you are more valuable to me than anything in this world."

Shinji smiled – a vague, pale shadow of his former carefree grin, but a smile nonetheless.

"Thank you, Ayanami."

Rei nodded, wishing that the smile had reached his eye rather than staying only on his lips.

"You do not have to thank me," she said quietly, feeling the exhaustion she had held at bay for the last day stealing over her, "I love you."

Rei let her eyes close, staying on top of the one she loved as she drifted off to sleep… and dreaming of once again seeing warmth in his eyes.

( 0 0 0 )

"I'm not going anywhere," Touji said flatly. "I'm staying right here, so back off."

'Here' was the cage of Unit 02, where Evangelion Unit 02 was wrapped in heavy bandages and restrained by many locking bolts… though it had not so much as twitched since the incident.

"Touji," Misato said firmly, "you've been here for a week… even Shinji and Rei have gone home now."

This was barely true, considering that she had signed Shinji's release papers less than an hour before coming to check on Touji. She wondered Rei could take what had happened. She had become slowly more and more emotionally active as she had spent time with Shinji, becoming more human as their love had grown… and now, because of EVA, he had become like she had been before: cold, distant, and almost entirely devoid of emotion.

Misato knew that, had it been her, she would have been a hysterical, sobbing wreck by the second day.

Rei had rarely left Shinji's side for his eight-day stint in the hospital while his body healed, though unlike Touji she HAD taken the time to shower and change clothes. Touji simply refused to go anywhere, stating flatly that he _would_ be there when Asuka got out, and that she _would_ come back… she had promised him she would.

"She can see me," Touji whispered suddenly, "that's what it seems like."

Misato studied him for a moment. "Do you love her, Touji?" she asked softly, trying to decipher the look in the boy's tired eyes.

"Whatever," the Fourth Child snorted. "Like it'd matter if I did."

"Pardon?" his reply caught Misato off guard. "What do you mean?"

Touji shrugged. "I don't know…" he said softly. "I don't even know what I'm saying."

After a moment, he sighed. "The longer she's been gone," he said, "the more I think about her never coming back…" his voice dropped to a whisper, "and the more I think of that… the more I think that I could be ok with it…"

"Touji," the purple-haired woman said hesitantly, "that's… that's just fear. You're trying to pretend that if she doesn't come back, it won't bother you… and-"

"No…" he cut her off quietly, "you're wrong…" he looked up at Unit 02, then shook his head slowly. "I feel…"

"Go on," Misato prompted as he trailed off.

"Fine," he snapped, rounding on the older woman with a look of anger and confusion so stark she took a step back, "I feel _fine_, ok? I _should_ care, shouldn't I?" He shook his head violently, his voice taking on a desperate edge as he said, "She saved my life for God's sake! Shouldn't I care that she's gone? Shouldn't it bother me that I might never get to see her again? _Shouldn't it?_"

Before the operations director could reply, he lowered his eyes, staring at the floor.

"It doesn't, Major…" he whispered. "The more I think about it, the more I think that I could go on just fine if she never came back… " he raised his head to face her again, his eyes wet with unshed tears. "We used to hate each other, but when I became a pilot, we kinda got to be friends. What kind of friend doesn't even care if you live or die, Major…?"

Misato shifted uncomfortably, but as she opened her mouth to reply, a rusty, tired sounding voice grumbled, "Can you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here…"

Touji and Misato's heads whipped around so fast it was a wonder their necks did not break – and considering the fact that they were staring at a very dazed-looking, and completely naked, Asuka Langly Souryu, their surprise was well warranted.

Misato rushed forward, dropping to her knees to catch the redhead as her eyes rolled back, showing all white. The operations director noticed, with the part of her brain _not_ occupied with shouting for help, that sometime during her conversation with Touji, Unit 02's entry plug had spun silently out. Footprints of LCL could clearly be seen leading from the open hatch to where Asuka had fallen into her arms, and in spite of the fact that every system in the cages was rigged to set off an alarm at the first sign of activity in Unit 02, there had been not a single peep from any of them.

_Fucking computers,_ Misato thought, halfway between rage at the system failure and wonder that she was actually holding a living, breathing Child where there had been nothing but vague comments about primordial soup and ego borders for over a week.

Touji was at her side in a moment, blushing brightly as he helped hoist the naked girl up. "Lemme have your jacket," he muttered uncomfortably, "she'll lose her mind if she wakes up like this…"

"Amen to that," Misato said fervently, slipping her jacket off one sleeve at a time to keep supporting Asuka. "There," she said softly, hesitating for a moment before giving Touji a conspiratorial grin. "Hey…"

"Huh?"

Misato winked.

"Wanna see something cool?"

Leaning forward, she slammed her palm down on a large, red button, setting off a rather strident alarm… and within minutes, the entire cage was flooded with technicians, medics, security officers, and NERV employees of every kind, swarming Unit 02 and Asuka like rabid fans rushing the roadies at a rock concert.

This was, Touji had to admit… pretty cool.

( 0 0 0 )

Rei sighed and rolled over in bed, staring intently at the shadowed form at her side. "Shinji," she whispered tentatively, "are you awake?"

Shinji turned to face her, his listless blue eyes reflecting his weariness. "Yeah," he yawned, "can't get to sleep…"

The First Child nodded, reaching out to tentatively touch his cheek. She knew it would not mean anything to him in his current emotionless state, but she felt it was important to maintain contact no matter how withdrawn he was.

Besides… it meant something to _her_.

"Did the doctors find anything new?" she asked softly, knowing the answer already but wanting to hear him talk to her.

The sound of his voice, though rather monotone these days, was still pleasant to her ears.

"No," he replied calmly, "they still believe my condition is reversible, but that I have to be the one to do it. I guess when the angel hit Unit 01 in the head, it caused feedback… but they can't find permanent damage, so they think it's a psychological block."

Rei nodded.

The only reason he was in bed with her was because he had been told – by Misato, much to Rei's relief – that it was where he should be. The purple-haired woman had firmly, but quietly, told Shinji that it was his place to be with Rei. Shinji had not had a strong opinion about it one way or the other, which had hurt Rei more than she would have thought.

_He is not himself,_ she thought once again, _he remembers being with me, but does not feel the emotions that he used to, so he does not feel the urge to continue to be with me…_

The thought made her infinitely sad.

"I understand that Asuka will recover in a few days time," Rei said quietly, wishing that he would touch her in some way.

Shinji nodded absently, staring up at the ceiling. "Has she woken up yet?"

"No," Rei murmured, "not that I am aware of… though Suzuhara is with her most of the time, so I am sure she will not awaken alone."

"That's good," Shinji observed, "they seem to be getting along pretty well lately."

Rei nodded, and after another moment of silence, she raised her head, staring into Shinji's eyes for a long, long time.

"May I kiss you, Shinji…?"

It hurt her to ask.

After all they had endured together, she should not have _had_ to ask.

"…sure, if you want."

Repressing a sad sigh, Rei gave him a light, gentle kiss, wishing that – like Sleeping Beauty – it would somehow wake him from his stupor. Shinji returned the kiss, but with a ghost of his former passion… a memory movement born of nothing more than remembered responses and ingrained motions.

It came very close to breaking Rei's heart.

"Hold me for a while…?"

Shinji put his arms around her, returning his gaze to the ceiling as she lowered her head down onto his chest and closed her eyes.

"Try to sleep," she advised, kissing his side as she twined her fingers with his, "things will be better tomorrow…"

"Alright…"

Long after she was asleep, Shinji was still gazing upward, trying to force some type of emotional response from his addled mind. Logically, he could see that Rei was hurting, and while it did not generate an emotional response, it _did_ garner a reasonable one.

Sadly, for emotion, the best he could muster was a faint stirring in his breast, ironically brought about by thoughts of his father.

_How strange,_ he thought as he finally closed his eyes, _for love… nothing. For hate…_

The thought went unfinished as sleep claimed him almost instantly.

( 0 0 0 )

Asuka's eyes slowly rolled open, and she looked around, not entirely surprised to find herself flat on her back in the infirmary. Since starting her tenure as pilot in Tokyo-3, it was a place she seemed to see far too much of, be it for herself or someone she knew.

In all honesty, she was starting to get a _little_ sick of it.

"You're finally up…"

"Ahh, the third stooge…" she yawned, stretching her unused muscles, "s'up?"

Touji smiled, though Asuka thought he looked pale. "You were gone a long time…" he said, unable to meet her eyes. "Thought you were gone for good."

"Thought, or hoped?" Asuka quipped, pushing herself upright only after making sure she was wearing a hospital gown.

No sense in giving the stooge a glimpse of something he was never going to get his hands on, after all.

Oddly, this barb did not lighten the mood. "That's not funny," Touji muttered, rubbing absently at his ribs. "I was really worried."

Asuka snorted. "God, why?" she asked, shaking her head in disgust, "I'm not a baby, dumbass… I had it all under control."

"Was that before or after you got Unit 02's arm cut off?" Touji asked dubiously. "And I'm sure, your tactical genius being what it is, that getting blown into Tang was all part of your master plan."

"Hey, I got the job done," Asuka shrugged. "Didja miss me?"

"Er… y-yeah…"

"Well that's sincere," Asuka grumbled.

Touji flushed. He had never been good at lying, and wasn't quite sure why he had even bothered trying. "While you were gone…" he began slowly, unable to meet her eyes, "I did a lot of thinking…"

"Did you hurt yourself?"

He smiled bleakly. "Very funny," he retorted… though he did feel marginally better.

"What is it?"

Scratching the back of his neck, Touji remembered Misato's warning about overcompensating for his lack of concern when Asuka woke up… and he promptly ignored it.

"I was thinking… we should go out…"

Asuka stared at him for a long, long moment… and burst out laughing.

"W-what?" Touji asked. "Why's that funny?"

The redhead could barely catch her breath. "Oh… oh that's rich! Y-you… and m-me…? Hahah – good one, Suzuhara!"

Touji did not look amused.

"Why is that so goddamn funny?" he demanded angrily. "You're not God's Gift, you know!"

Wiping a tear of laughter from her eye, Asuka finally got herself under control. "Get over yourself, stooge," she sighed, lacing her hands behind her head and closing her eyes. "I don't date immature losers – especially ones who don't know anything about me. No need to get all pissy, ya freak… we've just got nothing in common."

Truculently, Touji muttered, "We might, you don't know…"

Asuka shrugged slightly. "Don't push it, Suzuhara," she said quietly, "you've just got me thinking you're _kind_ of ok… don't mess it up by trying to see something that isn't there."

Clenching his hands into fists, Touji abruptly leaned forward and clamped his mouth over Asuka's, closing his eyes even as hers shot open and forcing her head back down onto her pillow as he tried to push his tongue past her tightly closed lips. When he finally pulled away, he found Asuka's face impassive and neutral, staring up at the ceiling as if waiting for him to be done.

"Is that supposed to impress me?"

Touji opened his mouth, but Asuka lifted one hand, cutting him off as effectively as if she'd slapped him across the face.

"Is it out of your system now?" she asked coolly, pushing up onto her elbows to allow her to stare at Touji's face. "Are you going to tell everyone about this, Fourth Child…? Brag that you snuck a kiss off me? Go ahead, if you want – it's not like anyone would believe you anyway…"

"No," Touji muttered, "I wouldn't do that…"

Asuka grabbed one of her pillows, tucking it under the back of her neck as she settled back into bed. "I'm going to forget this happened," she said smoothly, "chalk it up to you being all busted up and emotional and shit… but just so you know? This little 'experience' or whatever you wanna call it? …just lost you the chance to _ever_ kiss me for real. Think about it, Suzuhara – think about it hard."

Touji rose to his feet, struggling to come up with something pithy or wry to say.

Unfortunately, since he really had no good explanation for why he had tried to kiss her, nothing came to mind. Ultimately, he just turned away, starting for the door without saying a word.

"Hey… Suzuhara…"

Touji came to a halt, wishing he had run for the door instead of walking. "What?"

Asuka's voice was surprisingly warm as she whispered, "Maybe you should look around for someone that actually _wants_ to kiss your sorry ass…"

"What are you talking about?" the boy muttered.

Throwing one arm over her eyes, Asuka yawned. "Open your eyes, stooge," she said softly. "What you're looking for? What you tried to see in me? It's right in front of your big, stupid face."

Touji had no idea what the redhead was talking about.

"Yeah, sure…"

As he pushed the door open, he nearly ran into Hikari.

"Oh, hey Suzuhara," the class rep said brightly, "is she awake yet?"

Touji nodded curtly. "Yeah, she's up," he said flatly, "cold as fucking ice, but up…"

Hikari simply stared, perplexed, as Touji walked off down the hall, and had Touji been paying any attention at all, he might have seen the perplexity slowly change into longing and adoration. Of course… he did not, and after a moment, Hikari's face was once again bright and smiling as she pushed the door to Asuka's room open and strode confidently in to greet her friend.

( 0 0 0 )

"So," Misato said briskly, "first order of business – I want to welcome Asuka back to the land of the living."

The redhead waved absently as a polite round of applause rose from the gathered NERV personnel, keeping her eyes on the manga she was reading as if the status update meeting held absolutely no appeal to her.

"Second," Misato went on, "I'd like to report that Shinji has been given the green light to pilot again, so we are back to full strength, and as soon as Suzuhara's bandages come off, we'll even be one-up."

"What about Unit 02?" Asuka asked, flipping the page in her comic without raising her head. "Is it combat ready yet?"

It had been a week since she had been recovered, during which time, the redhead had wasted no time in… wasting time. She seemed disinterested in just about every topic of discussion, except EVA, and spent most of her time reading or watching television. She still interacted with her friends at school, but when she was at NERV or the apartment, she had very little to say to anyone.

She was not cold like Shinji – she just didn't want to talk to anyone… least of all any of her fellow pilots, a detail that did not go unmissed by the rest of the command staff.

"Unit 02 is still under repair," Ritsuko said smoothly, "though until we can ascertain if there are side-effects from it… attacking the angel the way it did, it will be deemed unpilotable."

Everyone shifted uncomfortably as Asuka slowly lifted her gaze from the manga. "Oh…?"

"This can't come as a surprise," Ritsuko said dryly, "you had Unit 02 _eat_ part of the angel – did you think that wouldn't affect it at all?"

"I didn't have it do anything," Asuka retorted archly, "how many times do I have to tell you that? God, for a genius scientist, you're kind of a dumba-"

"Anyway," Misato cut in, giving Asuka a warning glance, "Unit 02 is unusable until the repairs are complete anyway… so until then, just consider yourself on standby."

Asuka pursed her lips. "Fan-fucking-tastic," she grumbled, turning her attention back to her reading. "Ground your best pilot – there's a good idea."

"It's not out of choice," Misato said stiffly, "and whoever said you were the best – oh why am I even talking to you?" Turning her attention to the other Children, she said, "Does anyone else have any questions before we start today's sync tests?"

Shinji and Rei both shook their heads, but Touji had to be prodded before replying, "No, I'm cool…"

"Are you?" Misato countered lightly, "You've been kind of out of it since…"

She let the thought trail off.

Touji had been decidedly disagreeable since the day of Asuka's return, though why, Misato did not know. _She's back now, kid,_ she thought as Touji shifted in his seat, _everything's fine. Well, everything but Shinji, but that's another story._

She stole a surreptitious look at the Third, but quickly looked away, shuddering as she found his listless eyes gazing her way. It was strange, she thought, that he still looked and sounded the same… he just could not express emotional responses.

_Even Rei wasn't like this,_ Misato mused as she dismissed everyone. _At least she showed emotion SOMEtimes. The doctors said it started because of the pulse backflow, but now…_

"Hey Shinji?" she called impulsively, "Can you wait a minute?"

Shinji turned around. "Sure, Misato, what is it?"

Rei, of course, stayed at Shinji's side.

Waiting until the others filed out – with Asuka, her nose still stuck in her manga, being the last, Misato looked the boy up and down. "How are you feeling?" she asked cautiously.

"I'm fine," came Shinji's polite reply, "and you?"

"Oh, good, good," Misato laughed nervously, "just… doing my thing – you know."

"Ah."

From the corner of her eye, Misato noticed that Rei was watching her very closely. _Easy there, tiger,_ she thought wryly, _I'm not going to hurt him._

"How's the apartment?"

Shinji considered this question. "It's good," he said finally, "the air conditioning got fixed, so it's not too hot… and Rei's bed is very comfortable, so everything's fine."

At this comment, Rei looked uncomfortable, and Misato – who was not, in spite of her seemingly carefree attitude, an idiot, surmised that Shinji was not alone in said bed.

"Well that's good," she said lightly, choosing to let the topic of cohabitation go for the time being.

She doubted Shinji was capable of being excited in his state, and in all honesty, Misato could not have cared less if the two were having wild, all night drinking parties ending in furious, sweat-soaked orgies… as long as both piloted and killed angels when she needed them.

The drive for vengeance was funny that way.

"Let me know if you need anything," she said brightly, shooing him away, but grasping Rei's arm as the First turned to follow. "How is he really?"

Rei glanced at the door as it slowly slid closed. "The same."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Slowly shaking her head, Rei replied, "I do not think so, but if anything comes to mind, I will let you know."

Misato smiled, ruffling Rei's hair. "You're doing great," she said warmly, "keep it up, Rei… he'll be back to normal in no time."

"Y-yes…" Rei stammered, blushing faintly at the contact as she bowed her way out of the room.

Sighing deeply, Misato let her forced smile go and walked over to one of the chairs, throwing herself down and propping her feet up on the conference table. _Shinji, Shinji, Shinji,_ she thought tiredly, _what am I going to do with you? The damage is healed, the doctors told me… why can't you let yourself feel again? I know it's hard, especially right now, but-_

"I thought I might find you here."

Misato looked up as the door slid open and Kaji came into the room. "Hey," she said listlessly, "what do you need?"

Kaji shrugged. "Need?" he echoed. "Nothing. Want…? Now that's another story."

"Har har," Misato drawled. "In case you couldn't tell, I'm not in the mood."

"Haven't been for a few years," Kaji replied, taking the seat next to the purple-haired woman, "talk about playing hard to get."

Misato smiled faintly. "Stop hitting on me," she said wearily, "I'm too tired to fight with you."

"That's the best time!" Kaji exclaimed with a wink. "Come on – how many crappy pickup lines do I have to throw out before you fall into my arms and profess your undying love for me?"

Though she rolled her eyes, Misato found herself grinning. "About a hundred…" she said, pausing for effect, "thousand."

"Ouch!" Kaji complained. "That's a steep figure! I better get started. Hey, nice shoes – wanna fu-"

Misato reached out, putting a finger against his lips.

"Not now."

As Misato pulled her hand back, Kaji grabbed her wrist, keeping it close enough to his mouth to kiss the tip of her finger. "Don't overdo it, Katsuragi," he said quietly, "everyone has a breaking point… and I know you well enough to see that you're pretty damn close to it. It's Shinji, isn't it…?"

Misato rubbed her face with her free hand. "It's that," she confirmed. "It's Asuka, it's Touji – it's everything and everyone involved in this godforsaken project. Every time I think things are finally evening out, something else comes along and shakes everything up again. God, I need a day off."

She closed her eyes as Kaji rose to his feet and stood behind her chair, gently massaging her shoulders.

"Don't do that," she whispered, tilting her neck forward in spite of her warning and laying her hands flat on the table as Kaji carefully worked at her tense muscles. "Kaji, please… not now…"

"Yeah, now," Kaji said evenly, keeping one hand working on her neck as he ran the other through her long, dark hair. "Stop fighting me, Katsuragi. We're not the kids we were, I know that… so let's try being the adults we should be – together."

"Mmm sounds nice," Misato sighed, "but I really-"

She was cut off as Kaji turned her chair around and leaned down, tilting her chin up with his forefinger and giving her a soft, intense kiss.

"Stop… fighting me…"

Misato bowed her head. "Can't help it," she whispered, "it's the way I am now, Kaji… what we had was a long time ago. Let it go."

Kaji crouched in front of her chair, putting his hands on her knees as he stared into her eyes.

"Never."

"Stubborn bastard," Misato hissed, tearing her gaze away from his before she lost her will, "you said it yourself – we were kids then… we didn't know what love was."

A razor thin smile curved Kaji's lips. "Past is past," he agreed, "big deal… we're here now, we're not kids anymore… take that day off, Katsuragi – time's running out, you know that, don't you? Let's take what we can, _while_ we can… because no one's going to give it to us."

Misato rose to her feet, forcing Kaji to step back. "I've… gotta get to the Pribnow box," she said awkwardly, "bye."

Kaji caught her hand as she tried to leave, shoving a key into her palm as he whispered, "I never lock the top lock…"

Pulling her hand away, Misato hurried out of the room without looking back.

( 0 0 0 )

Ritsuko flicked her lighter several times, cursing as the wheel spit out sparks, but did not produce any flame. "Fuck," she whispered, "give me a light, can you…? There's a pack of matches on the bedside table."

Absently, Gendou picked up the little cardboard book and tossed it in Ritsuko's general direction.

Watching it sail over her head, Ritsuko sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Gee, thanks…"

"Mm," Gendou hummed, keeping his eyes on the laptop resting on the bed next to him.

Tossing back the covers, Ritsuko padded across the floor, scooping the book up and folding the cover back to pull out one of the paper matches. "Empty," she said quietly, "figures." Regarding her unlit cigarette for a moment, she asked, "Can't you put that away?"

Gendou ignored her.

Biting her bottom lip, Ritsuko looked down at her body. _No bruises,_ she thought critically, _no scrapes… no scratches… hmm. He must be in a good mood._

It was sad, she thought as she slipped back into bed, that she could gauge the man's state of mind by how much he injured her when they made love.

If you could even call it that.

"Do you love me?"

Gendou's hands hesitated in their rapid movement.

"Do you, Gendou…?"

Lifting his eyes from the glowing TFT, Gendou murmured, "Must we discuss this now?"

Ritsuko leaned back on one of the pillows. "I'd like to," she countered carefully, "every time I bring it up… you change the subject."

Gendou looked back to the computer. "That's only because you only want to discuss it when there's something more important to be done," he said evenly. "Let's talk about it tomorrow."

"But I want to talk about it now," Ritsuko countered, leaning across the bed and gently kissing him on the arm. "Please, Gendou? We've been together for… God, it's been years. Don't I deserve to know how you feel about me…?"

"I've told you before," Gendou said dismissively.

"Not for a while."

"But you know how I feel."

"Can't you just say it to make me happy?"

Gendou ground his teeth. "You're acting childish."

"I deserve to sometimes," Ritsuko replied, "please, Gendou – put the laptop away for one night, ok? Just… just be with me."

Folding the laptop closed, Gendou got to his feet.

"I'll be leaving now," he said coolly, "I'll come back when you're not acting petulant."

"Wait," Ritsuko said, quickly grabbing his hand, "don't… please, I'm sorry… come back to bed – I won't ask again…"

_Pathetic,_ she thought as Gendou slowly got back under the covers and reopened the laptop. _I think I must be the most pathetic woman in the world – begging, actually BEGGING… to hear some meaningless words from a man I know couldn't care less for me._

She had known for some time, of course, that Gendou did not love her… but that was ok, as long as she could pretend. To her, hearing those words was like fuel for her denial engine – as long as he kept saying it, the engine could keep running. She could keep deceiving herself for years and years if he would only say the words…

_Just one night,_ she thought tiredly, _why can't I have all of you for just one-_

"Ritsuko?"

"Hmm?"

"…I love you."

Ritsuko shivered.

This time, the words were not quite enough.

A dangerous threshold had been crossed inside Ritsuko's unstable heart – a line so fine she had not even been aware of its existence, crossed so subtly that she would not even be aware of her discontent until Gendou had dressed and left her apartment.

Somehow, even though she had whispered, 'I love you too,' it seemed fake and plastic, holding none of the weight it once did.

As she lay in her bed, considering the tip of her finally-lit cigarette, Ritsuko slowly came to a crossroads… and chose her path. If things did not change within the next seventy-two hours, several things were going to happen. A favor was going to be called in, for one thing… as well as several other, minor little details…

Yes, she decided, seventy-two hours seemed like a nice, round number. Enough time to plan… enough time to make one last vie for his affections…

…one last chance to keep her love from turning to ash.

Continued…

Author's Notes: I had to rewrite Shinji's dialogue and mannerisms like, a billion times in this chapter. For some reason, it was really hard to walk the line between being emotionless and being amnesiac… criminy, I don't even think I used that word right – but the point is I kept writing Shinji as "Wait, why am I in your bed?" when he should have been, "Should I care that I'm in your bed?" Other than that, this chapter was remarkably easy to write. Everything just fell into place, from Touji's sudden, guilty clinginess, to Asuka's annoyance with everyone around her, it all came together.

Yay writing.

Pre-reading on this chapter was done by LeperMessiah and Akodo Tim. Thanks fellas – I am gonna get you a nice fruit basket.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	7. Sacred Territory

Disclaimer: see part 1

Touch'

Part 7

Sacred Territory

(v2)

Random1377

Shinji walked through the halls of NERV at a sedate pace, not feeling any particular need to hurry. He did not feel much of anything these days, in all honesty, though just how apathetic he really was, he doubted anyone knew. It was not that he _liked_ being apathetic… but after the fight with the fourteenth angel, he had done such a good job of shoving his feelings inside that he had created a mental block preventing them from resurfacing.

Or at least, that's how the doctors had explained it.

_Rei__ said to meet her by the front,_ he told himself as he reached the escalator to the next floor. _Maybe I'll stop and pick something up in the cafeteria. She's probably hungry._

Though lacking in emotion, he was still a thoughtful person.

_I wonder if she hates me,_ he mused as he mounted the escalator. _I'd understand if she did. I mean, she changed so much for me… and since that fight I can't even feel anything when I kiss her._

He tapped a finger idly on the escalator's handrail as he thought of his current living arrangement. He cooked and cleaned in the small apartment, and spent his nights wrapped in Rei's warm, tentative embrace, but for the life of him he could not feel anything past a faint stirring of emotion – more like an echo than an actual feeling.

Although the doctors had told him that even an echo was better than nothing.

"Shinji."

Glancing up, Shinji found Doctor Akagi waiting for him at the top of the escalator.

"Hello, Ritsuko," he greeted her, using her first name as she had instructed him. "How are you?"

"Good," Ritsuko replied, waiting patiently for him to reach the top. "Do you have a minute, Shinji?"

"Sure."

"Come with me, please."

Shinji followed obediently as Ritsuko led him to a corridor just off of the main hallway, gesturing for him to precede her in. Had he been paying closer attention to his environment, and known the layout of the security system, he might have noticed that the blonde had arranged their positions very precisely, so that her back was all the security camera in the main hall could see, while arranging him in such a way that the camera in the side corridor could only see the back of his head, making it very easy for her to pass him a small, square object.

"Keep this for me, would you?"

Turning the item over in his hands Shinji nodded. "Alright," he said neutrally, slipping it into his pocket. "Is that all you needed, Ritsuko?"

"No," the doctor said, smiling faintly, "I also need to ask you to do that favor for me. You remember that you owe me a favor, right?"

Shinji nodded. "Of course," he said immediately. "You helped me get back together with Rei… I haven't forgotten."

"Excellent. Then… what I need is…"

Shinji listened attentively as she outlined the simple instructions.

"Is that all, Ritsuko?"

"Yes, Shinji," Ritsuko said softly, "but remember… only if you don't hear from me by the twentieth."

"I understand."

"Oh, and umm…"

"Hmm?"

"Don't tell anyone, ok?"

Shinji nodded.

Ritsuko smiled, trying to make it warm in spite of the task she had just assigned the boy. _He'll never know what he's done,_ she thought reasonably, _and depending on Gendou, he might not have to do it at all. This is just a precaution… nothing more._

"So," she said, feeling brighter now that this aspect of her plan was complete, "how are things with you and Rei?"

She did not truly care, but she felt it would be prudent to impress on him the idea that she was his friend by feigning interest in his personal life, if she wanted him to remember that he owed her.

Shinji smiled, more because he felt it was expected than anything else, and replied, "Things are fine. Rei has been very supportive of me… I just wish I could return her feelings."

Words rose to Ritsuko's lips before she could stop them.

"At least you want to."

The two fell into silence as Shinji considered this comment and Ritsuko shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. As she was about to excuse herself, Shinji offered another, slightly more honest smile.

"You're a good person, Ritsuko," he said without preamble. "I'm sure that anyone you like will like you back if you give them a chance."

Ritsuko pursed her lips. _Must be nice to say stuff like that without worrying about how it might make a person feel,_ she thought acidly. _God, emotionless people are the worst to deal with because they say whatever they think._

In spite of her irritation at the boy's analysis of her concerns, Ritsuko found herself unable to hold a grudge. "I suppose we'll find out soon," she said quietly, "have a good day, Shinji, and remember – don't tell anyone about this, not even Rei."

"I understand."

With a short bow, Shinji made his way off down the hall.

Ritsuko watched him leave with a mixture of amusement and scorn. _A good person,_ she thought, shaking her head in bemusement, _No, Shinji… I'm afraid I'm not._

( 0 0 0 )

"This place sucks."

Shinji glanced up from the stove. "Sorry," he said quietly. "It's not as big as Misato's place."

"Misato's place is still your place, ya know," Asuka pointed out, resting her chin in her hands and staring intently at the Third's back. "Or have you forgotten that too?"

"I haven't forgotten anything," Shinji reminded her. "I just can't-"

"I know, I know," Asuka interrupted, waving a hand dismissively. "Emotional suppression as a response to guilt and trauma – I get the concept."

"Mm."

Stirring the wok, Shinji let the conversation die.

Asuka had asked to see Rei's apartment, and somehow arranged to have Shinji cook for her. There wasn't much mystery as to why, really, as she had simply said, 'hey cook me something' when he was showing her the kitchen.

And so there they were.

"When's your dolly coming home?"

Shinji turned the burner off. "Rei will be home in a couple hours," he said calmly. He showed no sign of being irritated at the completely unsubtle knock on his girlfriend.

"So what are you going to do until then?"

"Homework."

"Ah."

Leaning back in her chair, Asuka folded her arms. _He really DOESN'T have any feelings,_ she thought disgustedly. _Nothing gets to him at all._

"Here."

"Thanks."

Asuka considered the plateful of food placed in front of her… but in all honesty, she was not very hungry. Pushing a carrot around, she watched as Shinji cleaned up the few utensils he had taken out to cook for her. Absently, she took a bite, smiling faintly at the taste.

She and Misato had eaten nothing but takeout since Shinji had moved in with Rei.

_Still tastes great,_ she thought with a mental sigh. _What's the old saying? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach?_

"Are you happy?"

Shinji set the wok in the strainer. "I was," he said levelly. "I mean… I know I should be – and I remember being happy when I wasn't piloting."

Asuka took another bite. "Is it because it's her?" she said quietly. "Do you love her that much? …or if someone else had fallen for you, would you have been happy then too?"

Taking the seat opposite her, Shinji replied, "I think it was both."

"What do you mean?"

Shinji fanned his fingers against the table, staring at the space between his right thumb and forefinger as he spoke.

"Rei was the first person I was able to open up to, and the first person I was able to touch. I think if it had been someone else that those things happened with, I would have been happy at first, but there's something in the way Rei looks at me and holds me and makes love to me that makes it impossible for me to think about other people."

"I, er… didn't know you guys were… had done that…" Asuka muttered, wishing her cheeks were not quite so hot. "Is that why you like her so much?"

"No," Shinji said thoughtfully, lacking the capacity for shame at that moment, "because even before we made love, I was already starting to think about her all the time."

"So that's what love is?"

"Hm?"

"Just thinking about someone all the time?"

"Well, no," Shinji mused, "it's feeling, too. It's-"

"Do you love her right now?"

Shinji's mouth slowly closed.

"Do you…?"

Asuka leaned across the table, planting her hands next to Shinji's and gazing into his downcast face as she waited for him to reply.

"You're shaking, Third Child," she whispered. "Are you mad at me? Does it bother you that I'm making you feel this way? I read the reports, you know – I know you _can_ feel, you're just repressing it. So tell me – does hearing that your love is meaningless _crap_ piss you off?"

"No," Shinji said tonelessly, "I can't feel anyth-"

"Bull… shit."

Asuka felt elation sweeping through her. _That's right,_ she thought triumphantly, _get mad – get furious, lash out, try and take it out on me! …I won't let you, but try it anyway. Show me you're still a human, Shinji… show me that this fucking angel hasn't made you into a doll too._

Slowly, the shivering in Shinji's shoulders subsided, and he lifted his eyes, revealing them to be a stormy, almost gray-blue – Flemish eyes, Asuka's grandmother had once described the color.

"I'm not mad at you," he said calmly, "and… I do love Rei – even though I can't feel it right now, I remember that-"

"Memory isn't love," Asuka cut in angrily, secretly thrilled that she had seen the brief color change in his eyes. "What if you got hit on the head and added amnesia to your stupid 'emotional block,' huh? What would your precious Rei be to you then?"

"Why are you doing this?" Shinji asked softly, his eyes slowly returning to their normal color. "You know that I can't control-"

"_Yes you CAN!" _Asuka screamed. She shoved herself back from him for fear that she might lash out herself. "You _can_ break through this, you dumbass! I know you're strong enough! I wouldn't be your friend if you were weak!"

A very long, very profound silence fell as Shinji stared at Asuka's flushed face, unsure of how to reply to this outburst. As it stretched on, Asuka's cheeks grew redder and redder even as her knuckles grew white from clenching so hard.

Finally, the silence was broken by the sound of two ringing cell phones.

( 0 0 0 )

Touji leaned against the doorframe to the girl's locker room, waiting patiently for Asuka to finish suiting up. "It's in orbit, right?" he asked, feeling uneasy about this latest angel. "What do you think they'll do about it?"

"How the hell should I know?" the redhead retorted, pulling her glove tighter on her right hand. "What am I, psychic?"

"Don't bite my head off!" Touji complained. "You've got more experience with this kinda stuff than I do, you know – I just thought you _might_ have some idea!"

"Yeah, sorry," came Asuka's mumbled reply. After a moment of quiet, she poked her head around the doorframe and said, "Shouldn't you be getting a plugsuit on, too?"

Touji shrugged. "I was told to stand by," he said evenly, still a bit sensitive from being sniped at.

"Stand by in a suit," Asuka retorted, as if this should be obvious. "Geez, Suzuhara… don't be a boob."

"Whatever."

For a long moment, neither of them spoke.

Finally, Touji pushed away from the doorframe, awkwardly putting a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "Be careful," he said gruffly, "I don't wanna have to bail your ass out."

"Stop worrying about my ass," Asuka replied, forcing some of the tension out of herself as she pressurized her suit and stepped past him and into the hall. "Not like you'll ever get your hands on it."

"I could if I wanted to," the Fourth replied, and before Asuka could dodge, he gave the ass in question a quick slap.

"Hey!"

"Ah! Just joking, just joking!"

Asuka narrowed her eyes as he held his hands defensively in front of him. "You're in a pretty good mood," she grumbled. "Couple days ago you were all, 'oh my life is crap 'cause I can't get Asuka.'"

Touji averted his eyes. "Yeah, well, can't win 'em all, or something," he said lightly. "I figure it's better to get over this quickly than get all bummed about it and whine like a little girl."

"Good plan," Asuka replied. "Oh and umm…"

"What?"

"…if you touch my ass again, I'll cut off your hand."

( 0 0 0 )

"In position," Shinji reported, willing Unit 01 to raise the positron rifle it had been sent and waiting for further instruction.

"The angel is still out of range," Misato's voice came back to him, "just sit tight, Shinji…"

"Ok," the brown-haired boy said levelly.

As he sat in the quiet LCL, Shinji thought back over the last few days, trying to dredge up some feelings – good or bad – to go along with the memories. He knew that it should have pleased him to be living with Rei full time… and he knew that he should be feeling bad for the way the blue-haired girl looked so sad when she saw him… but he just didn't feel anything.

_Misato says even Rei had more emotion than me,_ he thought, watching the dot that was the angel dance around in the targeting scope of the EVA, _and I remember it… that's what's so strange – I can remember people reacting to me, and reacting to other people… but I can't make myself feel it. And what Asuka was saying was kind of right. I was-_

His thought was interrupted as a harsh, glaring light filled the entry plug.

"What is… that?"

"The angel has a particle weapon?"

Misato studied the image on the screen, wondering if having Shinji take point was the best idea she'd ever had. Asuka couldn't do it, since Unit 02 was still on lockdown following the events of the last angel fight, and Touji wasn't qualified to handle Unit 01, so honestly, options were limited.

Of course, that didn't make her any happier about putting Shinji in danger.

"No," Hyouga replied after checking his system. "It's not a particle weapon… the MAGI detect no heat energy."

"Shinji's psychograph is… changing…" Maya reported, sounding confused, "Sempai… what does this mean? It doesn't make sense."

Ritsuko leaned over the tech's desk. "It is trying to contact him?" she mused.

The tac-net crackled to life, and Shinji's voice held a slight tremor as he said, "P-permission to fire."

"Denied," was the Commander's cold reply. "The angel is out of range… you would just be wasting ammunition."

Shinji's voice returned to its usual monotone. "Understood."

"Tell me what's happening, Ritsu," Misato said darkly. "What the hell is it doing?"

"Well," Ritsuko said thoughtfully, "I think he-"

"God… _GOD!_" Shinji's sudden scream caught everyone off guard. "Don't… don't come _into me!_"

"What's happening?" Misato demanded, rounding on the Project-E director. "Damn it, what's it doing to him?"

"I was afraid of this," Ritsuko said grimly. "His psychograph is going crazy."

"Meaning?"

Ritsuko met Misato's eyes.

"It means he's being… compromised."

"Damn it!" Misato growled, grabbing the blonde by the collar and yanking her closer. "In plain Japanese! What's happening to Shinji?"

Shinji himself answered, his voice almost unrecognizably distorted with pain.

"My mind… it's trying to get into my _mind!_"

( 0 0 0 )

It had been a while since anyone in the command room had heard any type of emotion from the Third Child. Not that it had been _forever_, of course, but it only takes a week or two to start getting used to a new pattern of behavior.

Hearing the boy scream, however, reminded everyone of how he used to be… and nearly sent several of the weaker-willed techs running to the bathroom to empty their stomachs.

"_No!_" the boy cried, willing his Unit to raise its weapon, "Don't… _don't_!"

Misato flinched as the positron rifle boomed twice, sending two balls of energy spinning into the atmosphere. "It's too far out of range!" Makoto reported tensely. "The positrons dissipated."

"Let me help him!" Asuka's voice rang out. "Come on – don't just leave me sitting here!"

"Unit 02 cannot be endangered," Gendou muttered, more to himself than to anyone else. "Rei… fire the secondary positron rifle."

"Yes sir…" Rei replied, her voice holding the same impassive quality as in days past.

_She's trying not to let it show,_ Misato thought, her hands clenched into fists at her sides, _but I've known her long enough that I can hear it. She's terrified…_

"Let me go right now!" Asuka raged, "Damn it! Let me help him, you fucking assho-"

"Cut off her feed," Gendou said smoothly.

"Damn!" Shigeru called out as the redhead's voice abruptly disappeared, "Shinji's still firing!"

Onscreen, Unit 01 was swinging its rifle from side to side, repeatedly pulling the trigger of the huge weapon in a desperate attempt to free its pilot from the agony he was suffering. "Get out of my mind…" Shinji sobbed, completely unaware of the damage he had caused to the city as the rifle went dry. "God, make it stop…!"

"Cut all systems back to minimum life support," Ritsuko ordered tersely. "That ought to stop the feedback from reaching him."

"I'll try," Maya whispered, seemingly mesmerized by the sound of Shinji's cries.

"Don't fucking _try_!" the blonde woman screamed abruptly, startling everyone present, "Do it! Don't let it get to him, do you understand?"

"Y-yes ma'am," Maya stammered, typing quickly on her keyboard.

_Not now,_ Ritsuko thought grimly, _not now, not him… I still need him._

"Preparing to fire," Rei's said calmly. "Positron charge building. Five seconds to discharge… four… three… two… one… firing now."

Misato's eyes went to the screen, tracking the path of the heaven-bound bolt of green energy… and finding herself unable to stifle a horrified wince as the angel's AT field deflected it effortlessly.

"Ikari," Fuyutsuki said softly, leaning over his former pupil's shoulder, "it would be unwise to lose Unit 01 at this time… there are still things that need to be done…"

"You're right," Gendou agreed after a moment's hesitation. "Rei… go to Dogma and get the lance."

"Yes sir."

In her entry plug, Rei was in a heretofore unimaginable state of panic. She could hear Shinji's screams – she _knew_ he was in agonizing pain… and to her horrible shame, she found herself feeling happy.

_He is feeling again, _she thought, maneuvering Unit 00 to the lift that would take her into the depths of NERV. _If he is able to feel pain, perhaps he can feel other things as well._

She closed her eyes as the linear carriage began to descend, heading towards Shinji's only hope of salvation. _Forgive me, Shinji,_ she thought sadly. _Forgive me for wanting you to hurt… for wanting this awful thing to happen to you. Forgive me for being so selfish._

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji's body shivered as the intensity of the mental attack increased. "It's defiling my mind…" he moaned, no longer certain if anyone could hear him.

He struggled desperately to recreate the barriers he had subconsciously erected in the wake of the fourteenth angel's attack… but no matter how hard he tried, the angel brushed his defenses aside, forcing him to face his fears.

Images of his father, Misato, Asuka, and Rei flashed through his mind – reminding him how he had let them all down and keeping him from simply 'tuning out,' again. The images that stung the most were those of Rei. Every time the blue-haired girl's face appeared, a new, deeper pain exploded through his senses.

'How dare you?' the angel seemed to be saying. 'You are in the presence of perfection, and you're hiding like an infant!'

"I'm sorry…" Shinji sobbed. "I won't hide anymore, so… so please make it stop!"

Instead of stopping, however, it got worse… much worse.

"Infiltration is increasing in intensity," Maya said, typing frantically on her keyboard. "The buffer isn't working." She swallowed. "I think… I think it's trying to kill him."

The evidence seemed to support the young tech's hypothesis as Shinji's screams grew weaker and weaker, even as the tension in his body rose higher and higher.

_It's trying to control him,_ Ritsuko thought grimly, watching Shinji's body arch away from the pilot's seat. _Damn! How do they know us so well?_

To Maya she said, "Try… reversing the pulse flow."

Maya's fingers froze for a moment, her jaw dropping open as her superior's words sank in. "Reverse…?" she echoed. "But… but Unit 01-"

The blonde's voice was so cold when she next spoke that Maya all but cowered in her seat.

"Do what you're fucking told, or I'll find someone who will."

"Y-yes ma'am…" Maya said faintly, her fingers stumbling on the keyboard so badly that she could barely enter the instruction set.

"What are you doing?" Misato asked softly, unable to look at the horror on the screen.

"Trying to save his life."

As Maya hit Enter, Shinji's screams were suddenly joined… by Unit 01's.

"Good…. Lord…" Misato breathed, grinding her teeth as the inhuman shrieks reverberated through the command deck. "What did you _do_?"

Onscreen, the purple mecha was writhing, its mouth gaping open stupidly as it roared in agony.

"Pulse-flow reversal," the blonde replied, watching the EVA screech. "Normally the pulses flow from Unit 01 to Shinji, allowing him to feel what the EVA feels." She smiled a bit sickly. "I simply had Maya… reverse the process – to try to dampen the pain for him."

"What will that do to Unit 01?" Misato asked, noting that Shinji's cries had indeed lessened in intensity.

"Doctor Akagi," Gendou's voice, sounding colder than Misato had ever heard it, boomed from the dais. "Switch it back."

"No," Ritsuko replied flatly. "This is not 'acceptable losses' Commander. Our priority is to protect-"

"Our priority is to protect our species, Doctor," Gendou cut in levelly. "To do that, we will need Unit 01 in an undamaged condition. Switch it back."

"Bullshit," Ritsuko growled, "You don't give a good god damn about our species! There's only one person you ca-"

"Switch it back, Doctor Akagi, or I'll have you removed from this bridge."

Ritsuko's hands clenched into fists at her sides as her mind raced in every direction. _Damn it,_ she thought frantically, _damn it, damn it, damn it, I'm losing it! He really will yank me out of here… but – God, I can't let this happen! Shinji's my ace in the hole, I can't let him-_

"Security," Gendou said calmly, "take Doctor Akagi from the bridge and detain her – the charge is treason. Miss Ibuki-"

"_Treason?_" Ritsuko shrieked, unable to hide her indignation. "You want to know what treason is? Treason is letting your son's mind get fucking raped while you sit back and-"

"Miss Ibuki," Gendou repeated, overriding the blonde's raving, "reverse the process… now."

Ritsuko's lips compressed into a thin, tight line as two burly security officers took her by the arms and led her towards the exit. _So be it,_ she thought icily, _the cards have been dealt… let's see who has the better hand._

Maya did as she had been ordered, feeling sick to her stomach as Shinji's cries began to rise once more.

"Preparing to throw," Rei's voice came over the tac-net, sounding altogether too soft.

All eyes went to the screen as Unit 00 (which had reached the surface while Ritsuko was ranting) brought the huge, red shape of the lance of Longinus up over its head.

"Calculating escape angle and compensation for the earth's rotation," Aoba announced. "Rei, you should have the numbers in about thirty seconds."

Though he was sure she had not meant to speak aloud, Aoba still heard the First whisper, "Please hurry…"

Inside of Unit 01, Shinji's body felt like it was on the verge of collapse. 'You do not deserve her,' a voice whispered in his mind. 'You are unworthy of what you have.'

"I… tried to protect her," he sobbed. "Please… all I wanted was to protect her, and-"

'Lies,' the voice hissed, 'You have been close to AeMeH – and yet you hide like a coward! You do not deserve to live, Lil-'

The voice – and the pain – disappeared in a flash of light, releasing Shinji's body so suddenly that he nearly tumbled from the pilot's chair.

"Target destroyed," Hyouga's voice reported shakily. "The lance has passed out of the Earth's gravitational field and is moving towards the moon."

"Psychograph returning to normal," Maya added a moment later, sounding much older than she ever had before. "It's over."

"Bring them home…" Misato's voice was the last Shinji heard as he spiraled down into darkness. "Get my Child…ren ho…m…"

( 0 0 0 )

Rei stared into the darkness, picking out the shape of the small dresser Shinji had insisted she buy shortly after moving into the apartment. It was late – well past midnight – but as tired as she was, Rei could not manage to find that elusive friend known as sleep. Her head rested against Shinji's shoulder, but her hand gently ran along his stomach and chest.

It made her feel a little guilty to touch him without permission, but since he had only been out of the hospital for five hours, she honestly could not resist.

"Doctor Akagi was taken into custody," she said abruptly, surprising herself at her uncharacteristic need to break the silence. "Asuka was arrested as well." She whispered. "She was still screaming obscenities at the Commander when they let her out of Unit 02… though I believe she will be released tomorrow, as she has calmed since then."

Shinji simply slept on.

"It was foolish to believe that you would be better immediately," Rei said calmly. "I do not know if I can allow myself to hope that the doctors were right."

Since the angel attack, Shinji had not spoken at all. The doctors at NERV insisted that he was capable of speech, and that, despite the mental attack, he was perfectly fine – probably better than before, in fact, as the battle had proven him capable of feeling emotion.

He just needed time to recover.

"Doctor Kobayashi says that you should be alright in a few days," Rei mused, studying the boy's sleeping features. "But you are still so distant." She sighed, offering him a rare, minute smile. "I promised I would wait for you, Shinji," she murmured, "though in all honesty… I do wish you would not force me to wait so long."

Misato had told the First not to let Shinji out of her sight, no matter what. 'He's the most fragile he's been in his entire life,' the purple-haired woman had told her on the second day. 'I'm making sure he goes home with you today, Rei… the doctors think he'll do better in familiar surroundings.' She had smiled weakly, 'And I think he'll do better with you near to him.'

"I thought I had lost you entirely," Rei went on, feeling calmer now that she had spoken her fears and hopes aloud. "I was… very worried." She rubbed her scratchy eyes and nestled tightly against his side. "I love you," she said simply, finally allowing her eyes to fall closed. "Please return to me soon."

Halfway through the night, Rei found herself caught up in a pleasant, rather graphically erotic dream. Shinji was slowly kissing her, running his hands all over her body and whispering, 'I'm here,' over and over again, like an old pre-impact record with a scratch on its playing surface. Everything was so vivid and detailed that Rei even imagined she could feel his warm mouth playing hopscotch on her sensitive skin, moving restlessly from point to point as if trying to drink in every inch of her.

It occurred to her, when she finally remembered to blink, that her eyes had actually been open for some time… and that Shinji was staring straight into them.

Wetting her lips, she allowed herself the luxury of whispering, "Shinji?" positive that the moment she spoke, the dream would dissipate.

"Hey," he whispered. "I didn't want to wake you up… but I couldn't help it."

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak, her eyes asking – almost begging – 'is it really you?'

"I'm sorry I was gone so long."

Rei blinked again… and her vision doubled, the view of his familiar face growing hazy as the tears that had threatened for so long were finally allowed to fall, her own emotional defenses crumbling into pathetic shambles under his warm, serious stare.

Shinji gathered her into his arms, holding her carefully as she silently wept – unable, even then, to truly give in and sob the way a normal teenager would in the same situation. Skin to skin, body to body, they held each other until Rei's shoulders stopped shaking and her eyes were simply moist instead of overflowing.

The rest of the night passed without a sound passing between them, save soft breath and the gentle, whisper-like sounds of fingertips gliding against sweat-slick skin.

They both promised themselves, then and there, that they would never part again.

Continued…

Author's Notes: well, it came out a bit shorter than the last chapter, but I covered everything I wanted to get covered, so I'm happy with it. The next chapter should be substantially greater in length, and a bit more complicated… or, you know, at least the longer part – and hopefully it will be delivered a _bit_ faster than this one. Oh, and 'Flemish eyes,' as Leper described them, have a tendency to change from blue to gray, depending on a person's emotional state. He said if you look closely, you can see Shinji's eyes exhibit this trait in the show. I've seen this happen in real life, though I didn't think the animators had that much attention to detail, and quite honestly, I never paid enough attention to notice it. Go Gainax… or something.

Version 2 notes: I suck. Had to make a lot of little corrections due to the fact that I found that I had totally neglected to make ANY of the changes MacBeth suggested, and corrected from Irish eyes to Flemish eyes, cuz I don't pay attention as well as I should. Sigh. Maybe next time I'll actually make these kinds of changes BEFORE posting the chapter.

LeperMessiah, Akodo Tim, and MacBeth2001 all pre-read on this one. Man, I'm running out of ways to thank these guys… so I'll just stick with 'thanks' this time.


	8. Trust Issues

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Touch'

Part 8

Trust Issues

By Random1377

"The more you squirm around," Shinji said softly, "the longer this is going to take."

Rei frowned slightly, squirming a bit in spite of the young man's admonition. "I am sorry…" she whispered. "I am… unused to the feeling."

"Just hold still," Shinji whispered, "you'll make me lose my concentration."

Rei shivered, her breath coming in shallow gasps. "It… feels very nice…" she murmured, pressing back against him, "do not stop, please."

Shinji smiled. "I wasn't planning to," he whispered gently. The First Child sighed contentedly as Shinji's fingers continued to work their magic. "You like that?"

"Yes," the blue-haired girl breathed, "but please… do it harder… mmmm…"

Instead of complying, Shinji deliberately lightened his touch. "I don't want to spoil you."

"Please…?" Rei asked quietly, smiling softly and closing her eyes.

"Only because you said please," Shinji whispered against her ear.

"Mmmmm…"

For several long minutes, the only sound that could be heard was the First Child's soft moans.

"I like the way this feels," she said seriously.

"I'm glad," Shinji replied softly. "Now close your eyes… it's time to rinse."

Rei did as she was told, holding her breath as Shinji gently washed the shampoo out of her hair. "That was very… pleasant," she commented, wiping the excess water from her face.

Shinji smiled, wrapping his arms around the girl sharing the tub with him. "I thought it was pretty good myself."

Rei kept her eyes closed, reveling in the feeling of so much of his skin against hers. "Is it… common for lovers to do this?"

"It should be."

Rei lips curved up a bit as she turned her head, claiming an awkward, sideways kiss. "I still cannot believe that you are back," she whispered, closing her eyes once more and leaning against him. "I was so certain that you were lost to me."

Slowly, Shinji's hands slipped under the water.

"Does this prove that I'm here?"

The blue-haired girl felt her pulse quicken. In the week since Shinji's return to normal they had spent as much time together as possible. This had proven to be actually very little, as the Commander had insisted on having Shinji tested in every conceivable way to make sure he was fit to pilot.

"Are there any tests today?" Rei asked softly, feeling her body beginning to respond to his gentle touch.

"Of course," Shinji replied dryly, "there's tests every day… but we've got until six."

"So… we are alone until then…?" Rei breathed as Shinji's hands continued to carefully caress her sensitive skin.

"If we were," he whispered into her ear, "what would you want to do?"

Rei shivered slightly as his right hand trailed down to her stomach. "You… enjoy hearing me say it that much…?"

Shinji grinned. "Yeah… I really do."

"It is… embarrassing."

Planting a gentle kiss behind her ear, Shinji replied, "Do you mind being embarrassed a little bit… for me?"

Rei's cheeks tinged a faint pink. "You have changed," she said, not accusing, but thoughtful. "You are more… vocal, now."

"Yeah, well," Shinji mumbled, his smile fading a bit at the vaguely clinical conversation, "I just, you know, kind of like… being able to feel again. Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable."

Slowly, Rei shook her head. "It doesn't," she said simply. "It is simply something I need to get used to."

Closing her eyes, she leaned further into his embrace.

"I would like you to make love to me."

Immediately, she felt him stir against her.

"Right here…?"

Rei wet her lips. They had never made love in the tub… what would that be like? After several moments of consideration, however, she shook her head.

"No, I would prefer being in the bedroom, please."

"Oh, ok," Shinji's voice was slightly disappointed. "How come, though? I mean, I don't mind or… or anything, I just… why not here?"

Lifting his hand (reluctantly) away from her body, she brought it out of the water, carrying it to her face and laying it gently against her cheek. "I… enjoy the feel of your skin against mine," she explained simply. "In here it is very pleasant… but the water… blurs the feeling, somewhat."

"Blurs it?"

Rei tilted her head to the side, searching for a better way to put it.

"Yes," she said finally, "it makes it less distinct… more anonymous. I do not like that feeling."

Shinji was about to say that he did not really get it, but held his tongue. "Then we'll go to the bedroom," he said lightly. "But let's stay here for a few more minutes, ok? It's kind of relaxing."

"Alright."

They fell silent for a few moments, each lost in thought as Shinji's hands slowly resumed their blurry exploration of Rei's body.

"Hey," he said finally, "I've been thinking."

"Hmm?"

"After the angels are all gone… do you want to find a place where we can live together?"

Rei's shoulders tensed a bit, but Shinji did not seem to notice.

"Live together?" she echoed. "I… do not think the Commander would allow it. The only reason you are here now is your mental state, and I am certain that the Commander will order you to leave soon."

"Why should he care?" Shinji asked indignantly. "After the angels are gone, neither one of us will have to pilot anymore so he'll have no reason to say no – we'll be free, right?"

There was another silence as Rei contemplated this idea.

Wouldn't it be nice… to let herself believe that such a thing was possible?

"We can move somewhere near a city, but not in it, you know?" Shinji pressed on after a few moments, "and not _this_ city, another city – somewhere far from here. Maybe… maybe in a few years we could even, you know, get married and… and have…"

'plip'

Shinji heard a drop of water fall from the tap. _Aw man,_ he thought with a mental groan, scratching his head as Rei said nothing. _I've said too much! We haven't been going out THAT long, and I'm talking about stupid, far off stuff._

'plip'

"Hey, I-"

"That sounds… very nice…"

The growing tightness in Shinji's chest loosened. "Really?"

Rei nodded. "It is definitely a worthwhile goal for us to share."

"Er, yeah," Shinji said uncertainly, confused by the neutrality of Rei's tone. "It's… yeah…"

'plip'

_What did I say…?_

Shinji knew that he had said something wrong – very, very wrong… but he did not know what, exactly, it was. Maybe it was the near-mention of children, he thought. She had told him that she did not have a period… maybe he had inadvertently touched on a sensitive subject…?

As he was about to apologize for upsetting her, Rei splashed some water on her face and reached for one of the towels they had set on the sink. Wiping her face, she rose to her feet.

"May we go to the bedroom now…?"

"Yeah," Shinji said softly. "Yeah, sure."

Climbing out of the tub, Shinji let the water run down the drain and grabbed the other towel, following Rei into the bedroom and promising himself that he would have to find a time and a place to ask her what he had said wrong – if not to get a better understanding, then at least to keep from saying it again.

( 0 0 0 )

Touji entered the EVA cages at a quick walk, pressurizing his plugsuit and scowling slightly.

"Something wrong, Touji?" Misato asked, frowning as Asuka entered a moment later, wearing a darker expression than the Fourth's and walking straight towards Unit 02.

"No, ma'am," the boy answered quietly, folding his arms and following the redhead with his eyes, "not a thing."

"Are we going to fight," the Second Child asked, waiting with obvious impatience as the red mecha's entry plug was ejected, "or stand around babbling like idiots?"

"You know Unit 02 is still on lockdown," Misato said tiredly, "you-"

"Yeah, yeah," Asuka cut her off. "'You'll be on backup in the hanger in case the other Units fail,'" she quoted. "I get the concept, Misato."

"Yeah…"

"Have Shinji and Rei arrived yet?" Maya's voice came over the speakers in the cage, sounding uncertain. "We, ummm… need to launch a Unit."

Misato rolled her eyes. "Not yet," she answered, slightly irritated. "They should be here in less than five min-"

"Launch Unit 00 with the Fourth Child as pilot," Gendou Ikari's voice cut in smoothly, "we don't have time to wait."

"But Unit 00 and Touji haven't been tested together," Misato protested, "we don't know-"

"Unit 00 has been tested for cross-synchronization," the Commander cut her off again. "Launch immediately."

Touji shrugged as Misato cast him an uncertain look. "No big deal," he said nonchalantly. "I can do it."

"…overconfident prick."

"What was that Asuka?"

"Nothing."

Touji glanced at the redhead from the corner of his eye. "You got something you want to say to me, Souryu?"

Folding her arms, Asuka looked around the cages. "Nope," she said coolly, "not a thing."

"Look," he said hotly, "you've been a real bitch for like, two days – is it that time of the month, or wh-"

"Can we save this for later?" Misato cut in sharply. "Really – this is not the time, or the place."

"Yes ma'am," came the stereophonic reply.

"Good, now saddle up!"

"Preparing Unit 00 for new pilot," Maya announced. "Touji, when the plug ejects, just climb in… you know how it works, right?"

"Yeah," the boy replied, "I know."

Though he had no Unit of his own, the Fourth Child had been trained and tested on all the operations of one since the incident with the thirteenth angel. He knew how to pilot, held a decent sync ratio in the test plug, and was confident that he could handle the machine.

Of course, he was still scared. The last time he had been in an entry plug it had almost cost him his life.

_Well,_ he thought, sparing Asuka one last glance, _here goes nothing._

( 0 0 0 )

"What?"

Maya looked up from entering Unit 00's launch route as Misato growled into the phone.

"Why are you bothering me with this now?" the purple-haired woman snapped. "I'm not even in your division!"

"Something wrong, Major?" Maya asked as the phone was slammed down.

"Section Two idiots," Misato grumbled, folding her arms across her chest. "It seems that Doctor Akagi, for some reason no one can fathom… is not in her cell."

Maya's eyes widened with concern. "What happened to her?"

"They don't know."

"But is she-"

"Kindly focus your attention on your job, Lieutenant," Gendou's voice boomed from the dais. "Doctor Akagi's fate is not your concern."

"Yes sir."

The Commander narrowed his eyes slightly, fixing them on Misato's back. _What are you playing at, Major?_ he thought darkly, slowly returning the phone he had been holding to its cradle. _You weren't surprised by this news in the slightest bit._

His brow drew down. He did not like looking at a puzzle and seeing missing pieces, and Misato's obviously rehearsed reaction to the escape of the troublesome Doctor Akagi had several clearly visible holes.

"Unit 00 is prepared."

Gendou's ruminations on the meaning of Misato's act were cut short as the immediacy of the battle pressed in. "Launch," he said tersely. "Destroy the angel as quickly as possible, Fourth Child, I want no hesitation."

"Yes sir!" Touji's voice came back. "I'm on it."

"Commander?"

Gendou turned his head as the door leading to the bridge slid closed, and found Rei looking up at him with obvious confusion. Obvious to him, at any rate – he doubted that anyone else on the bridge could detect the emotion on the girl's face.

"Unit 00… was not in the cages," she said softly. "Shinji is boarding Unit 01, but I… do not have a Unit."

"No, Rei," Gendou said quietly, "you don't. Pilot Suzuhara will be using Unit 00 for this mission."

"Then, what will I do? I am not-"

"Nothing," the Commander cut her off coldly. "Next time, do not delay in coming to headquarters when the alarm sounds. You are supposed to be on call at all times, not wasting time in foolish attempts at playing grown-up with your so-called boyfriend."

Rei averted her eyes as she was dressed down before the entire bridge crew. "I will… do better," she whispered, flushing slightly as she became fully aware of just how many eyes were on her.

"Make sure that you do."

"Unit 00 launching," Maya said awkwardly, trying not to see the crushed look on the First Child's face. "Unit 01's plug is going in, and Unit 02 is on standby. Everything is as you ordered."

"Excellent."

Abruptly, the bridge fell into silence as each person contemplated the upcoming fight… and the cold, almost brutal admonishment they had just witnessed. Most of them, Misato and Maya included, were always secretly thankful that they weren't in the Children's shoes, forced to fight in behemoths they could barely control against monsters the human mind could barely comprehend.

But at that moment, they were most thankful not to be in Rei's.

( 0 0 0 )

"Target in sight," Touji said quietly. "What should I do, Major Katsuragi?"

"Call me Misato," the purple-haired woman said tiredly, "really, it's ok. Has the angel made any moves yet?"

"Not yet," the boy replied, "just kinda floating up there… twisting around and stuff."

"Unit 01 online," Shinji's voice announced, much to the Operations Director's relief. "I'm ready, Misato."

"Wait for your backup," Misato told the Fourth Child, "but be prepared for any-"

"Ummm… it stopped," Touji cut in nervously, looking up as the double-helix form in the sky abruptly resolved itself into a ring. "What should I do now?"

"Damn it," the purple-haired woman muttered, watching the screen closely. "Get Shinji to the surface… I want him watching Touji's back _now_."

"Unit 01 launching on route one-oh-six," Maya reported, tapping quickly into her terminal, "but I don't think-"

"It's moving!"

Misato's eyes shot to the screen just in time to see the ring in the sky break apart, becoming a glowing bar of white. "_Move_!" she cried, tensing involuntarily as the bar shot towards Unit 00.

She groaned as her warning came too late.

"I'm hit!" Touji shouted. "Fuck, that hurts!"

"I've got feedback," Makoto reported. "No, wait – I've got infiltration! The angel is working its way into Unit 00."

"Fire!" Misato ordered, struggling not to lose her composure as the fight went from bad to worse. "You've got a gun, Touji – _use it_!"

On screen, Unit 00 raised its rifle, pressing it flat against the middle of the angel and pulling the trigger six times. "It's not working!" Touji gasped, pain plainly evident in his voice. "It's just… digging deeper into the EVA!"

"Pilot heart rate entering danger levels," Maya reported, "he's losing it, Major."

"Stay calm," Misato ordered, hoping that Touji would not completely lose his cool. "Shinji's on his way."

"No," Maya cried out excitedly, "Shinji's _there!_"

Misato sighed with relief as Unit 01 appeared onscreen, its progressive knife already drawn as it leapt from the transport elevator. "Take it down fast," she instructed, "it's trying to capture Unit 00."

"Yes ma'am!" Shinji called, immediately charging the angel and plunging Unit 01's knife into it.

His reward was a high-pitched scream of pain… from Touji.

"Feedback at eighty percent," Shigeru called out. "The angel's merged its nerves with the EVA – MAGI predict that Suzuhara will feel anything Shinji does to the angel."

"What?" Shinji whispered, stepping back uncertainly and staring down at the bloody progressive knife. "It's hurting hi-"

"_Shinji_!"

Again, the purple-haired woman was too slow.

Shinji tried in vain to dodge or block as the angel's other end whipped around, but as his mind was on Touji's screams, he was not able to react in time. It felt like he had been punched in the stomach – immediate, hot pain in his midsection, coupled with a crawling, unclean feeling as the angel began to work its way into his Unit as well.

"Penetration of Unit 00 at thirty percent," Maya said tensely, "Major, what sh… ould… w…"

The tech's voice seemed to fade from Shinji's ears, along with the rest of the world, until he found himself in silence. Slowly, he opened his eyes, finding himself standing at the edge of a vast pool. He gaped as he found Touji staring back at him, half-submerged in the ripple-less water.

"You wish to be one?" the boy asked him, his voice cold and hollow.

"T-Touji…?"

"To unite with us…" the boy murmured, tilting his head to the side, "the three of us… endlessly one."

Shinji shivered. "You're not… Touji, are you?" he whispered, feeling a bit foolish for saying it out loud. He swallowed, looking around for any sign of the boy. "Is he here?"

"We are one," the being in the pool replied. "You are he, he is I, we are one." A faint, pleased smile appeared on the creature's lips, though it never touched its eyes. "Soon all shall be with us, even… them."

Shinji sucked in a breath as Touji became Rei… then Asuka. "What are you?" he gasped, knowing the answer even as the angel settled into his own form.

"I am you," the other Shinji answered placidly, holding his soft smile, "as is he. Allow yourself to unite fully… let us be one…"

Shinji closed his eyes, trying to focus on thoughts that were his alone. "N-no," he gasped, feeling the angel trying to worm its way into his mind. "I'm me… I don't want to be one with you or anyone else."

"It is too late," the angel grinned, "it is far, far too late."

"I don't believe you," the brown-haired boy retorted, searching for a memory to cling to – anything that would keep his soul from joining with the other's. _Something that's mine,_ he thought desperately, _what do I have that's mine and no one else's?_

Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on Rei's face… but a soft snort made him open them once more.

He gasped as he found the pool in front of him empty… and the weight of two claw-like hands digging into his shoulders.

"Sss…" a voice hissed next to his ear. "You reek of her. Her scent is all over you, Lilim… how disgusting."

Shinji tried to look over his shoulder, but the creature (it no longer held the shape of a boy) moved sinuously away, staying behind him as its sibilant voice hissed in his ear.

"That she would deign to… copulate with you… it makes my stomach turn."

"W-who…?" Shinji stammered, unable to contain his curiosity. "Whose… scent is on me?"

The creature's breath was hot on the back of his neck.

"AeMeH."

Shinji's brow creased. "Who?"

Jagged laughter burst in his ears, but it was quickly quelled.

"Heretic," the voice hissed. "Unaware of your own status. Bah! You are tainted… unfit for union! Destruction is your kind's only destiny, Lilim."

"HUH!"

Shinji gasped, lurching forward in his seat as the pool and shore faded from sight.

"Wha…?"

"S-Shinji…?"

Glancing to his monitor, Shinji found Touji's face was looking back at him, a confusion of shock and deep understanding plainly etched on his features.

"You… and Rei…" the Fourth said haltingly, struggling to find the words. "You guys… I had no… id-"

"Touji! Shinji!" Misato's voice rang out over the net. "Thank God! You've been ignoring me for two minutes! Are you alright?" Before either of them could reply, the Major went on, "Unit 02 has been released – Asuka's on her way… just hang on, ok?"

"O…k…" Shinji managed to gasp, his body racked once more with pain as the angel pushed deeper into his Unit, clearly no longer interested in a peaceable merger.

_AeMeH?_ he thought, trying to shake off the muzzy feeling of the angel's intrusion into his consciousness. _What's an AeMeH? And what's a Lilim? I don't… understand any of it…_

"I'm… gonna blow it…" Touji gritted out, bringing Shinji's thoughts to the present, "only… way."

In the command room, Maya shook her head. "He's right, Major," she muttered, "according to the MAGI, detonating Unit 00's core has an eighty-nine percent chance of killing the angel… but I don't know the effect it would have on Unit 01, since they're linked."

"What are his chances?" Misato asked, her eyes glued to the screen.

"Not good…"

The purple-haired woman closed her eyes.

"Do it."

In the blue mecha's entry plug, Touji let out a ragged sigh.

"Sorry, Ayanami."

"Reverse your AT field and hold it as long as you can before ejecting," Misato ordered as the MAGI reported Unit 00's self-destruct system activating. "I don't want it getting away."

_Damn it, there has to be a way to get them apart!_

"Roger that," Touji nodded, concentrating on maintaining the field as long as he could, "but what about-"

"Shinji!"

Touji looked up as Asuka's voice reached him. On his monitor, Unit 02 could be seen approaching their position, its four eyes glaring as it chewed up the distance between itself and its target.

Barely visible over its right shoulder was the haft of its seldom-seen ax.

"I'm here!"

Impossibly, the angel grew a third tip, shooting towards the fast-moving red mecha with obvious intent. Asuka, however, was prepared. As Maya began to count down the time to Unit 00's detonation, the redhead threw her Unit to the ground, rolling over and over and coming up with the machine in a low crouch, its ax held loosely in its gargantuan grasp.

"Come on," Asuka whispered under her breath, listening with increasing tension to the countdown. "Come _on_!"

The angel's third appendage seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if unsure that it could take the newcomer. It waved back and forth in the air like a cobra preparing to strike, and then, seeming to make up its mind, it shot towards Unit 02 once more, coming at it with a jagged, zigzag movement.

But it was never Asuka's true focus.

"Forty eight seconds," Maya announced, looking from her readout to the screen as Unit 02 dodged the angel's probe again. "Asuka, if-"

"_Now!_"

Unit 02 sprang forward, allowing the angel's third probe to pass under its left arm and bringing the ax down with all the strength it could muster.

Cheers arose in the command room as the blade found its target, digging into the angel at the middle and cleaving it in two. The cheers faded, however, as the two pilots connected to the white creature cried out in pain.

"Sorry," Asuka whispered, her jaw set in determination as she brought the ax up for another swing, "this is the only way."

"Asuka!" Misato's voice burst over her tac-net, "it's enough! Unit 00 is going to blow… pull back and raise your AT field to maximum once Touji get's clear – Shinji will do the same, and the angel won't have anywhere to go!"

Asuka hesitated, then nodded, sidestepping the angel's now-frenzied, thrashing appendages. "…right."

"Not bad, Red," Touji grated, trying to reject his mind's insistence that his stomach had been cut open and pulling the eject lever next to his pilot's seat. "Not bad at all."

"Unit 00's plug is away," Maya reported. "Units 01 and 02 are containing the angel. Unit 00's core will reach critical in ten, nine, eight, seven, si- NO!"

Misato looked at the tech as she cried out. "What…" her breath left in a rush as she looked back to the screen, her eyes widening in horror as Unit 01's back panel ejected and its entry plug was launched. "Who ordered that?" she screamed. "Maya, stop the co-"

Her words were drowned out as the timer on the main screen reached zero.

The destruction of Unit 00 was a spectacular event, its loudness eclipsed only by its sheer, almost unimaginable destructive force. It started in the core – an unstoppable chain reaction spreading like wildfire until it culminated in a cataclysmic outpouring of force and sound, destroying Unit 00, the angel, and a portion of the outlying area of Toyko-3.

In the command center, everyone was silent.

"Status," Misato managed, finally finding her voice. "Give me a status report…"

Makoto nodded slowly. "Ummm… target has been destroyed," he said, his voice shaking as he read from his screen. "Unit 00 is gone. Unit 02 is active, but has no communications. Unit 01 is damaged…"

He swallowed.

"Unit 01's entry plug?"

"I… don't have a feed, Major."

Misato's lips compressed to a tight line. "Keep trying," she instructed tersely, "maybe interference from the blast-"

"Zero interference," Maya cut in softly. "All emergency channels are clear."

"Shinji?"

Everyone in the room froze.

Misato turned slowly, finding Rei standing still, her eyes fixed on the screen. "I'm… sure he's ok," she said falteringly. "Rei, I…"

The blue-haired girl said nothing for a moment, her focus intently on the screen as the fingers on her right hand unconsciously tapped against her leg. Finally, she brought her eyes to the older woman's, nodding reluctantly as she softly replied, "Of course, Major… I am sure that he is."

The Operations Director lowered her eyes, unable to meet Rei's not-quite hopeful gaze. "I want a projected flight path," she ordered firmly. "I want that plug found." She refrained from using her charge's name, just to be sure. Better to prepare for the worst, she decided, than to set herself up for disappointment.

"Calculating now," Maya said quietly, typing information into her terminal. "MAGI estimate thirty seconds for flight path and touchdown data."

Misato nodded, looking back to Rei once more. "As soon as you have it," she murmured, "send a recovery team."

"Yes, ma'am."

They waited in tense silence as the trajectory of Unit 01's entry plug was determined and a rescue team was sent out. "I'm sure they'll find him," Misato said quietly.

"Yes," Rei responded, keeping her eyes on the screen, "I'm sure they will."

She did not sound convinced.

( 0 0 0 )

"Shinji…"

Shinji moaned, struggling to hold onto unconsciousness.

"Shinji, wake up."

Dark blue eyes reluctantly opened, revealing two distinct images. "As… uka…?"

Indeed, the redhead was there, her hair damp with LCL and her face heavy with concern… but there was a second image, seemingly superimposed over the Second Child's visage.

"You ok?" Asuka asked softly, running a gloved hand over his check as she sat by his pilot's chair. "I thought you were gone." She cleared her throat. "I… I had to give you mouth to mouth."

Shinji nodded, fascinated by the illusion of a second pair of eyes… a second smile. "What… happened…?" he managed, blinking as the other face abruptly vanished.

"I don't know," the redhead answered truthfully. "Unit 00 was about to blow, and I saw your plug eject… so I came to find you."

"Is… Touji…?"

"He's fine," Asuka said. "His plug ejected first, and I heard him laughing before my communications system got knocked out… the big dork."

Shinji tried to sit up, but Asuka put her hand on his shoulder, restraining him.

"Easy," she murmured, "your leg is broken… and I think… I think some of your ribs, too."

Shinji blinked. "Why don't I feel any pain?" he asked, noting as he looked down that his plugsuit had several patches of blood on it.

Asuka grinned, flipping a bit of hair over her shoulder with a careless toss of her head. "Each entry plug," she informed him smugly, "has a first aid kit, complete with a syringe full of a painkiller, stimulant combination – which you would know if you ever read the operations manual."

Shinji smiled weakly. "I… never got around to it," he admitted guiltily, "I just-"

He was silenced as the girl put her forefinger gently over his lips. "I'm glad you're ok," she told him awkwardly, "but don't do something like that again, ok? Unit 01 could have taken the blast… why did you eject? You were almost dead when I got here."

The Third Child's eyes grew hazy. "I don't remember," he said with some confusion. "I remember the fight, and I remember… you coming to fight," he hurried on, deciding in that split second to avoid mentioning that one of the angels had made direct, albeit confusing contact with him. "The next thing I remember is Miss Ibuki counting down… and that's it."

Asuka frowned, then shrugged. "Maybe it'll come back to you," she said quietly, her voice going grave as she added, "but I heard the first thing to go is memory – maybe you're getting senile."

"Maybe…"

They looked at each other for a moment, then laughed.

"Ow!" Shinji complained, still smiling as he grabbed his side. "Ow! That hurts!"

"I told you not to move," the redhead admonished, "idiot."

"Sorry…"

For a moment, neither of them said anything. Shinji studied his fellow pilot as she looked at him, wondering if she would give him an honest answer if he asked her if she was happy. He was just opening his mouth to find out, when they heard a shout.

"Over here! The plug's over here, by Unit 02!"

Asuka smiled, squeezing his hand gently. "I'll stay with you until we get back," she said coolly, "then I'll leave you to your little dolly."

"Hey!" Shinji exclaimed. "Rei isn't-"

"Shhh… relax."

As the sounds of fast moving emergency vehicles and numerous feet drew closer, Shinji did what he was told. He sighed softly as he recalled his long, agonizingly intimate encounter with Rei earlier that afternoon, remembering in vivid detail each small caress and whisper of affection and lamenting that it had been interrupted by the angel's attack.

_Guess it'll be a while before THAT happens again, huh?_ he thought, wincing with every breath. _If I ejected on purpose, I really AM an idiot…._

( 0 0 0 )

"Any idea what happened?"

Maya looked up from her papers as Misato came into the EVA cages. "Ummm… maybe," she replied reluctantly, looking back to the readout, "not really sure yet."

Misato nodded. "Well, tell me your theory," she said, folding her arms and looking up at Units 02 and 01, once more restrained in their coolant baths.

There was a long pause, and then Maya set down her clipboard, her voice barely over a whisper as she told the other woman, "There was a breach in the core."

"Huh?"

Maya bit her bottom lip pensively, glancing briefly at Unit 01 before quickly looking away. "Unit 01's core had a crack," she said carefully, "made when the angel penetrated it, I guess. Tiny – almost insignificant… but, ummm, well, maybe I should just show you."

Misato watched curiously as the brown-haired tech flipped through her readouts, going all the way to the back and extracting a group of photos, the last marked '01 ES 17:43.' "What am I looking at here?" she asked, confused as she turned the picture over, trying to make sense of what she was seeing.

The picture showed a tightly enclosed area, cylindrical in shape and badly charred, as if exposed to the heat of the sun for a second or two – just long enough to flash-fry the interior but leave its shape intact.

Maya reached out and twisted the picture until it was at a slight angle.

"Look at it this way," she said softly, tracing a finger around the edge of the space. "Make sense now?"

Misato scrutinized the picture, her eyes widening as she gasped, "This is-"

Maya nodded.

"Unit 01's entry socket."

The purple-haired woman handed the photo back. "What happened here, Ibuki?"

"Well," the tech said uncomfortably, "if his plug had been inserted when Unit 00 exploded, the energy it released would have burned him to a crisp almost instantaneously. It doesn't matter how thick your armor is if there's a chink in it, Major."

"But he didn't know that," Misato said evenly.

"No," Maya replied immediately, "he couldn't have. The only… real explanation is that Unit 01 ejected him itself."

Misato considered this for a moment. "Well," she said slowly, "it _has _moved on its own a couple times before…"

"Yes," Maya countered, "but it's always been instinctual and preservational – almost animalistic… this would have required conscious thought from the EVA, and I was always taught that they can't reason." She laughed nervously. "If they could," she pointed out, "we wouldn't need the Children at all, right?"

Misato looked down at the floor, her brow drawing down in concentration as she pondered this information. "Ibuki." she murmured, "how much do you really know about the EVAs?" When the other woman confessed that she knew a lot about the support aspects of them, but not much else, Misato nodded. "Find out more," she whispered, looking around surreptitiously, "but quietly… ok?"

"Why should I-"

"Maya…"

"Yes…?"

"Quietly…"

"Yes ma'am…"

Misato sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I'm asking for your trust," she said softly, feeling like scum as she added, "and… your help – for Ritsuko. You want to help Ritsuko, don't you?" When Maya made no immediate reply, she looked up.

The young woman was staring at the floor, her face a bright shade of red and her body trembling ever so slightly. "Did… she ask for my help?" she whispered, wetting her lips as her eyes looked all around the room. "Did she, Major?"

_How easy would this be?_ the purple-haired woman thought shamefully. _All I have to say is yes. _ Swallowing, she murmured, "No… she would never ask for that kind of help, Maya, you know that. I'm doing this on my own."

After a moment of quiet, Maya nodded, raising her eyes to the other woman's and taking a deep, shaking breath. "Not good at hiding it, am I…?" she said sadly. "Of course I'll help her, Major."

"Maya," Misato said awkwardly, "whatever's between you and Ritsuko is none of my-"

"Why do people _always_ think that?" the brown-haired woman cut in angrily, the tension of the situation overcoming her normally calm demeanor. "Sorry," she mumbled, blushing as the other woman's eyes widened in shock. "It's just – everyone thinks we're 'together,' and it's not like that."

"But… you love her," Misato said, slightly confused. "Like you said – you can't hide that. It's all over your face."

"Yes," Maya admitted, "I do. But not… you know… like _that_." She sighed. "My mother died when I was very young, Major," she said quietly, looking up at Unit 01 as she spoke, "and Doctor Akagi has always been… very good to me since I started working for her."

Misato nodded. "I think I understand now," she whispered, "and I'm sorry for what I said before."

"It's ok," the brown-haired woman shrugged uncomfortably, "but you'd be amazed how many times – in a week – I get asked if we're going to get married… or if I'm going to move in with her… or…" she blushed again, "how she is in bed."

Misato smiled crookedly. "I'd believe it," she assured the tech. "A couple months ago, someone asked me if Shinji was a good lay."

Maya's jaw dropped.

"You're _kidding_!"

"Nope… dead serious." Misato grinned. "Of course… that particular employee no longer works here."

Maya opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Misato laid a hand on her shoulder.

"How much do you love your sempai, Maya?" she said quietly, all traces of humor leaving her voice. "Is there anything you wouldn't do for her?"

Managing a blushing smile, Maya replied, "I think we established what I _wouldn't_ do, Major… but really, I'd do anything in my power for her, if she was in trouble."

Misato's hand tightened on her shoulder.

"Anything?"

Maya's smile melted into confusion. "Umm," she said slowly, deliberating for a long moment before concluding, "y-yes… anything."

She shifted uncomfortably as Misato stared into her eyes, slowly leaning closer until her mouth was right next to Maya's ear.

"If you mean that," Misato whispered, "there's something I need you to do."

"Major," Maya said awkwardly, "I…"

She trailed off, her eyes widening as Misato began to murmur into her ear, because whatever she had been expecting… it was not this.

Continued…

Author's notes: this marks the last of the original Touch chapters… from here on in, it's all new material. You know, for anyone who actually remembers the original.

Thanks again to my ever-faithful (or at least, ever-patient) pre-readers, MacBeth2001, Akodo Tim, and LeperMessiah. After five drafts, everyone better be happy, damn it.


	9. Something to Lose

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Touch'

Part 9

Something to Lose

By Random1377

Shinji maintained a calm, contemplative silence, staring up at the ceiling as Rei sat quietly at his bedside, efficiently peeling an apple with a small pocketknife she had borrowed from one of the nurses. It was a strange, almost motherly thing to do, but considering what he knew of her origins, Shinji decided not to dwell on this fact and instead chose to think about how peaceful things had been since the last angel fight.

_Sure I'm laid up for another week or two in this place,_ he mused as Rei carefully dropped the apple peel (removed in one long, continuous strip) into the garbage and set about cutting the apple into triangles, _but at least I'm not alone. Not all the time, anyway._

Rei visited him whenever she could, which was almost every day, but there were other obligations she had to maintain. Shinji knew – or thought he knew – all about them, so he simply enjoyed the time he did get to have with her and looked forward to his release from the hospital.

_Got banged up pretty bad in that fight… guess I should be lucky to be alive._

"It is finished."

Shinji looked up as Rei handed him the neatly sectioned apple. "Thanks," he said honestly, "I was really hungry."

Glancing around the hospital room, Rei asked, "Are you not well-fed here?"

Pursing his lips, Shinji stared down at the apple. Rei's speech patterns were strange to him, as they ran from extremely formal and proper to mostly formal and proper – she was, after all, still trying to learn to be casual – but she was always most formal when she was tense, so the structure of her question told him that she was having a hard day.

"They give me enough to eat," he admitted, "but it's pretty gross stuff, so I don't eat a lot of it."

"I see."

"Yeah."

They fell back into silence for a moment as Shinji ate a few slices of apple, trying not to squirm as his eyes insisted on noticing how flawless and smooth Rei's neck looked in the soft light from the desktop lamp at his bedside. _God, I want to kiss her,_ he thought sadly. _ It's been, well, since the fight that we've been able to… be close, but I wish she didn't think it was weird to kiss in public places. I practically have to close the blinds and lock the door to even get a peck…_

Setting the piece of apple that was in his hand back on the napkin Rei had given him, Shinji said, "Hey, umm… c-can you close the blinds?"

Rei glanced over at the window. "Your view to the outside would be obstructed," she observed quietly. "And the loss of the additional light would make it darker in here."

Shinji swallowed.

"I know."

"Oh," Rei replied, her eyes widening as she realized his intent. "Oh, I… I see…"

Looking over her shoulder to ensure that the door was closed, Rei leaned forward and pressed her lips gently to Shinji's, giving him a warm, careful kiss before withdrawing and smoothing her skirt over her legs.

"Was that… sufficient?"

Sighing wistfully, but thinking that he should have kept his mouth shut, since they couldn't do more, Shinji nodded. "Yeah," he whispered, "that was nice… can I have another one?"

To his surprise, Rei gave him a faint smile. "Perhaps in a moment," she said. "I would not want to overexert you, since you are still recuperating."

Shinji gasped. "Ayanami," he breathed with perfectly falsified amazement, "are you… teasing me?"

Considering this for a moment, Rei nodded. "I am," she confirmed coolly. "Though I suppose I should not, as it will most likely raise your blood pressure."

Before Shinji could reply, she put her hand on his and gave him another, longer kiss.

"And now, I must go," she told him as they parted.

Shinji pouted, but it did not affect the placid First Child in the slightest.

"Oh, hey," he said suddenly, snapping his fingers as he caught sight of the calendar on the wall. "Today's the fifteenth, isn't it? Can you hand me that little computer-looking thing from my pants pocket?"

Rei got to her feet and walked to the closet, rummaging around for a moment as Shinji tried not to stare at her shapely backside. Finding Shinji's pants, she pulled out a small, handheld computer almost identical to the one Doctor Akagi used to carry with her.

"Thanks," Shinji said, powering the little machine on as Rei retook her seat. "Just need to do something with this real quick."

Watching curiously, Rei said nothing.

"Password," Shinji muttered under his breath, "password, password… what did she tell me the password was? Revenge? No, but something – oh yeah!" Looking pleased with himself, he lifted the handheld computer closer to his eyes and slowly spelled out the word, murmuring each syllable under his breath as he went. "Rec…om…pense. There."

He hesitated for a moment as the screen flashed, 'Execute?' in small red letters. _Computer programmers are morbid,_ he thought ruefully. _Oh well, a promise is a promise._

Shrugging slightly, he hit 'Enter.'

Rei tilted her head to the side, frowning faintly as she whispered, "Did you hear… something?"

"Something?" Shinji asked, setting the device on the table next to his bed. "Something like what?"

"Mm," Rei hummed, her brow clearing as she rose to her feet. "It must have been my imagination. I will visit again as soon as I am able."

Looking hopeful, Shinji said, "Tomorrow?"

"If I am able."

Shinji looked dejected, but nodded his understanding. "I hope it's tomorrow."

Rei leaned over his bed, giving him one final kiss. "I will do my best," she said honestly. "I do not like seeing you in pain, Shinji, but I will visit if I am not required elsewhere."

"Ok."

"Goodnight, Shinji."

"Goodnight, Rei… I love you."

With a faint blush on her cheeks, Rei pulled the door open. "And I love you."

And then… she was gone.

( 0 0 0 )

The halls of NERV were quiet and still, giving Rei ample opportunity to ponder all that had happened in the previous few weeks. From angel to angel, things with Shinji had grown progressively more intense, until Rei was finding it hard to imagine life without him.

…but with that level of attachment came a certain amount of fear.

_It is… dangerous to feel this way,_ she mused as she made her way slowly towards the elevator bank. _If he is taken from me, will I be able to fulfill my purpose? I know I must, but without him…_

She let the thought trail off, fear worming through her stomach as she recalled the feeling of coming face to face with that reality only too recently. She could still recall the breathless wait as everyone in the command center stood tense and ready to hear from the rescue team, and she could practically feel the gentle pressure of Misato's hand resting carefully on her shoulder, the older woman's face turned away to keep her from having to look into Rei's eyes.

It made her weak in the knees to contemplate a life without the happiness she had only recently discovered, generating a kind of terror inside of her that nothing in her past could have prepared her for. All of her life, she considered herself expendable – replaceable –and in a very real way, she was… but no one had ever told her how to handle the feeling of having something or someone _else_ she might lose.

_But it will not come to that,_ she told herself, trying to feel firm on this conclusion, _Shinji is a bit injured from the last angel, he is alive and well, and there will be a new pilot to replace him shortly, so perhaps… perhaps he will not be needed to pilot ever again._

This thought pleased her greatly, and as she stepped onto the escalator to reach the next floor, she allowed herself a tiny, hesitant smile – for while she knew their time together was short, she was determined to make the most of it. As she reached the top of an escalator, however, she found herself staring at a pair of plain white shoes, the owners of which had clearly positioned him or herself to block Rei's path. Slowly, she lifted her eyes, taking in the black pants and white shirt of her own school's uniform, until finally she found herself staring into the crimson eyes of a young man of about her own age.

"Hello," the boy greeted her softly, giving her a smile that was both amused and mildly affectionate. "You seem pleased with yourself, First Child."

Rei frowned faintly. "Identify yourself."

"I believe that you already know," the boy said gently, "but to humor you, I am called Kaworu Nagisa, though by your superiors here, I am known as the Fifth Child."

A soft, familiar twisting in Rei's stomach caused her eyes to go wide. "You are… not human."

Kaworu smiled faintly. "I am as human as you, AeMeH," he said calmly, "and before you run to your superiors… I should inform you that I am sure they are already aware. After all… they welcomed me in with open arms."

"No," Rei said bluntly, "the Commander would not-"

"The Commander," Kaworu interrupted, "spoke to me personally, and could not hide his fear and rage. He is aware, AeMeH, but he does not know what steps to take, so he is waiting until I declare myself his enemy… or until he can find a way to eliminate me without risk."

Rei shook her head, trying not to notice how nice the boy looked, or how pleasant his voice sounded to her ears. "I do not… know that name you keep using," she said uncomfortably. "My name is Ayanami. Please excuse me, Mister Nagisa, I need to be going."

But Kaworu did not move out of her way. "I would rather you stay for a moment," he said evenly, taking a step closer to her and pulling his hands out of his pockets. "I still have much I would like to discuss with you, AeMeH."

"That name-"

"Is proper," Kaworu cut in. "You feel it, inside… I know you can feel it, AeMeH."

Rei tried to deny it… but the words would not come. Somehow, it _did_ feel right to hear those syllables playing across her eardrums. It resonated and gelled in her mind, echoing down deeper inside of her and touching places she would just as soon leave undisturbed.

"I… am not her…"

Kaworu smiled indulgently. "I'm sure I could quote you some Lilim adage about leopards changing their spots, but I feel that would be insulting to both of us."

Rei stepped back quickly, clearing the railing of the escalator and backing towards the wall as Kaworu began to come closer. "I do not like this, Nagisa," she said sharply. "Please, I am in a relationship with Shinji Ikari, and I would like you to leave me alone."

Moving closer, Kaworu whispered, "You know you do not belong to that Lilim, AeMeH. You've fooled yourself into believing that you feel for him, but in your heart, you know it is wrong."

"I do not understand what you mean," Rei answered, trying to fend off the growing feeling of heat generated by the boy's closeness. "Shinji and I-"

"You should be with me," the gray-haired boy interrupted softly, halving the distance between them. "That is the proper order of things."

"Please do not come closer," Rei breathed, pressing herself against the wall behind her as her heartbeat suddenly raced out of control. "I… am not comfortable with this, Nagisa."

Kaworu ignored her, putting one hand on the wall on either side of her head and fencing her in. "You're the same as me," he whispered, tilting his head to the side and moving closer to her. "You belong with me…"

Rei shivered as he moved into her personal space.

"Creatures that are the same should stay together," Kaworu said calmly, his warm breath brushing her lips exactly the way Shinji's did. "It isn't… natural when creatures that are different intermingle, AeMeH. It creates… unease and disquiet."

"I am not a creature," Rei said, her voice barely rising past a whisper. "I… do not know what you consider yourself, Mister Nagisa, but I am a hu-"

"Shh…" Kaworu whispered back, shaking his head as a small, sad smile appeared on his lips, "please don't… embarrass yourself, AeMeH. You are the same as I… and I do not pretend to be anything other than what I am."

Rei opened her mouth to reply, but her breath came out in a ragged rush as Kaworu's fingers traced a path from the bottom of her ear to the tip of her chin.

"Is it because he was the first?" Kaworu asked, cradling Rei's face in both palms and making small, controlled circles on her cheeks. "Have you been touched by others, AeMeH? Perhaps," he suggested gently, "you have settled…?"

With her head captured between his palms, Rei could not shake it… and speaking became impossible as the Fifth trapped her lips with his own, sending her pulse rate skyrocketing.

_No,_ she thought weakly, _no, it should not feel good. Why… why is it good…?_

Kaworu's kiss was much softer than Shinji's, yet it held an undeniable heat – a passion that was both familiar and foreign… similar to the one she had shared her bed with, but different at the same time. It made her want more while trying to pull back. It was hot and cold. It elevated her and knocked her down. It built her up and shattered her.

It blew her mind.

"Nnnn!"

Desperately, she planted her hands on Kaworu's chest, pushing with all of her might and finally breaking away, her eyes wide and confused as the Fifth took a small step back, keeping his hands on her shoulders and watching her face closely as if ready to kiss her again at a moment's notice.

Slowly, he slipped his hands downward, running them slowly along the curves of Rei's body and sending a pleasant shiver along her spine. "Please," she whispered, her voice unsure and wavering. Her eyelids fell closed, too heavy, it seemed, for her to keep them up so much as a moment longer. "Please take your hands off of me…"

"Have you promised to be Ikari's alone?"

"We… we have not- hhhaa…"

Rei trembled as Kaworu's lips barely grazed her own, almost kissing her a second time before drawing back to gaze into her slowly reopening eyes.

"Your eyes tell me that you enjoy the way I touch you," he said calmly, brushing Rei's bottom lip with the ball of his thumb.

Though she tried to deny this, Rei found that her lips produced only small, whispering puffs of air – devoid of meaning or substance as the Fifth gently put his hand against her chest, resting it lightly over her quick, erratic heartbeat.

"AeMeH," he breathed, slipping his free arm around the small of Rei's back. "I have… ached to be this close to you for as long as I can remember. Do not tell me that it does not feel proper to have my hands on your body." His breath was warm on Rei's neck as he softly concluded, "Since you are not his alone, I ask you to be with me as well…"

The logic was inescapable, and though Rei struggled to find a reasonable counterargument, her scattered thoughts could not manage to latch on to any one focal point. The task became nearly impossible as Kaworu brought his mouth back to hers and gave her another, less inhibited kiss, holding her body close to his. Slowly, rational thought ceased to come into the equation… and Rei began to kiss back.

( 0 0 0 )

"So," Misato said, glancing around at the pilots assembled in the small conference room, "Nagisa will be the temporary pilot for Unit 01 once it's operational again, and Rei will act as backup."

"Fine with me," Asuka said dismissively, "just as long as he stays away from my Unit 02."

Misato rolled her eyes. "Don't you ever get tired of the same old lines?" she asked dryly. "Sheesh – your _name_ isn't on Unit 02 anywhere, you know, and if I _wanted_ to, I _could_ make him its pilot."

Shooting her a withering glance, Asuka muttered, "Over my dead body."

"That can be arranged, if you keep up that attitude – now shut up."

"Whatever."

"A final note," Misato said as she gathered up her papers. "Pilot Suzuhara has requested some time to visit his sick uncle in Okinawa. Considering that we have more pilots now than functioning units, his request was granted. He will be considered an ancillary pilot when he returns," she added with a significant glance at Asuka, "which means if no one else is available, he will pilot whichever Unit he needs to."

"It's like Christmas came early," Asuka mused, ignoring Misato's last comment. "The most annoying human on Earth, willingly removing himself from my presence. Next you'll tell me we're going to start getting paid for this."

Waving a hand, Misato sighed, "And with that, you're all dismissed. Kaworu, do you have any questions?"

"Only one, Major," the newly arrived Fifth said politely, "are there any tests scheduled for later today? I was hoping for a tour of the city, and if Miss Ayanami isn't busy…"

"Yeah, sure, fine," Misato said. "Just make sure she's in by midnight, or she'll turn into a pumpkin."

"A…pumpkin?"

Sighing at the gray-haired boy's blank expression, Misato got to her feet. "Never mind," she sighed tiredly. "Man – it's gettin' so you can't even crack a lame joke anymore… before you know it, humor will be outlawed."

Asuka, following the older woman out, primly commented, "Or at least stupid humor."

"Oh shut up."

The door slid shut, leaving the First and Fifth alone.

"Hey," Misato mumbled as she and Asuka headed towards the elevator, "was it just me, or did you get a funny vibe off of that kid?"

"What," Asuka countered, "just because he didn't laugh at your stupidity?" When Misato glared, the Second shrugged. "Eh, I don't know… can't seem to manage to care."

Misato remained silent until they got the elevator bank. As she pushed the call button, however, she whispered, "I didn't like the way he was looking at Rei."

Bracing herself for some comment about how Rei was an emotionless doll, Misato was surprised when Asuka nodded. "Yeah, I caught that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm…"

"Kinda funny that she wouldn't make eye contact with him, too."

"Yeah…"

The elevator arrived and disgorged a few passengers as Misato's cell phone began to ring. Asuka ignored her and glanced up at the arrows indicating which direction the elevator was headed. _Going down,_ she thought testily. _Guess we'll be waiting for the next one._

"Damn," Misato said, quickly stepping into the elevator as she hung up her phone. "That was the Commander – I gotta go to his office. I'll meet you in the parking lot in a few minutes."

Asuka started to protest that she did not have the keys to the car, but before she could get past her spluttering indignation, the elevator door was sliding shut, leaving her alone in the hall. With a sigh, she leaned her forehead against the door, waiting for the next elevator to arrive. She glanced over her shoulder, however, as she heard footsteps approaching, and her brow drew down as she found the First Child slowly walking down the corridor towards her.

"Pilot Souryu."

"First."

The redhead did not bother hiding her contempt for the other pilot, and when the elevator arrived a moment later, the two stepped on without another word. As the floors began to tick off, Asuka leaned up against the wall and folded her arms, staring studiously at the back of the elevator to avoid looking at the other girl, practically _willing_ the First to ask why she was being so cold.

Floors went by, and still the two said nothing.

Asuka scratched the side of her nose, irritated that the blue-haired girl was always so calm. _God, I'd like to shake some sense into her,_ she thought suddenly. _Always so damn proper and stiff… she doesn't deserve- _

"Your sync ratio has gone down over the past few weeks," Rei whispered. "The Commander will be displeased if the trend continues."

So wrapped up in her own thoughts was Asuka that she had momentarily forgotten the four point slippage she had been experiencing. It only took a moment, however, for her rage to boil over and explode.

"I don't think I need to take any advice from a cheating little whore like you."

It gave Asuka great satisfaction to see Rei's shoulders tense, even if it was only a fraction of an inch. "Cheating…?" the First echoed. "I… do not understand."

"Yeah you do," Asuka countered, "I might not be a rocket scientist, but I saw that look the freaky new kid was giving you – you don't look like that at someone you just met! And you sure acted nervous as hell around him."

"You are… inferring a lot from one look," Rei observed neutrally.

Asuka snorted. "Right, sure," she muttered, "and that whole, 'oh, maybe the First could show me around,' bit was just coincidence. If he was really looking for someone to show him around, he would have asked me or Misato – everyone knows you don't go out on the town a lot, Wondergirl."

Keeping her back to the Second, Rei softly replied, "Pilot Nagisa is new here… he knows nothing about me."

"_Man_ are you full of shit!"

"Regardless," Rei whispered, "there… has been no declaration of exclusivity between myself and Ikari, so your statement that I am cheating has no foundation."

Asuka's hand wrapped around her upper arm tightly enough to leave bruises when Rei checked later in the day, and when the Second whipped her around and slapped her as hard as she could across the face, Rei did not utter a single sound, even though the force of the blow made her stagger on her feet and immediately drew an angry red handprint on her cheek.

The elevator dinged as it reached their floor.

"If you hurt him," Asuka said, her voice low and even in spite of her flushed face and clenched fists, "I will _kill…_ you."

Rei nodded as Asuka stepped off the elevator, and as the door slid shut, she whispered, simply, "I see…"

( 0 0 0 )

Misato straightened her shirt and took a deep breath, staring at the huge doors leading to the Commander's office as if mere willpower could get it to reveal the secrets of the man on the other side. _If these walls could talk, right?_ she thought, squaring her shoulders and raising her hand to knock on the door. _On second thought… I probably wouldn't want to hear…_

"Commander," she called, rapping smartly on the door, "you wanted to see me?"

The door swung open as Misato turned the handle, and she stepped into the cool, dimly-lit room. From across the huge expanse of the office, the Commander-in-chief of NERV sat behind his enormous mahogany desk, waiting with all the calm of an arctic glacier, fingers laced in front of his eyes as he remained as motionless and silent as a statue.

Misato advanced cautiously, resisting the urge to just turn and run as the Commander's dark eyes bored into hers through his heavily tinted glasses. Standing at attention, she waited, refusing to avert her eyes as man stared on, clearly trying to break her will and make her speak first… but Misato, who had lived with the man's son, was an old pro at staring people down and making them uncomfortable.

Ultimately, Gendou's impatience won out over his desire to make her sweat. He pursed his lips and got directly to the point.

"You will tell me the location of Ritsuko Akagi."

"Well I'd love to sir," Misato said brightly, "but last time I checked, she was still among the missing."

Gendou's eyes narrowed. "This is not the time for levity, Major," he said coldly. "Protecting her is not good for your career… or your health."

Misato resisted the temptation to fire off another witty remark and simply said, "I honestly don't know what you're talking about, Commander."

Instead of replying immediately, Gendou reached into his desk. Misato tensed, her hand itching to fly into the jacket and pull out her gun… only it was out in the hall in the lockbox, as per NERV protocol, and when the Commander pulled out a small stack of papers, she forced her shoulders to relax and her face to remain calm and impassive.

"Nine PM," the Commander read, "Major Katsuragi clocks out, but does not leave the premises for another hour. Agents unable to locate until ten oh five, when Major reaches her car." Leafing to the next page, the Commander continued. "Five PM, Major Katsuragi enters elevators with various personnel, but does not exit until five twenty-five – at the same level she entered. Eight PM, Major Katsuragi spends twenty-two minutes in the bathroom on level-"

"You have them watch me when I'm in the bathroom?" Misato cut in. "I had some bad sushi."

The Commander dropped the sheet he had been reading from and gave Misato a hard, assessing look. "You are treading on thin ice, Major," he told her quietly. "As commander of this organization, it is well within my rights to have you… disciplined – both for assisting in the escape of a traitor and for sabotaging the dummy plug system."

Misato looked confused. "For… wait, what?"

"Doctor Akagi held a pathological dislike of the First Child," Gendou said levelly. "With her whereabouts unaccounted for, it is only logical that it was she who destroyed the system – and as you helped her escape, that makes you directly responsible."

"Whoa, back up," Misato protested. "What does Rei have to do with the dummy plug system? And just because I hang out at work for a while, or take a long time in the can, doesn't make me a traitor!" Snapping her eyes to a point just over the commander's left shoulder, Misato stood at full attention. "Do what you have to do, Commander," she proclaimed, her tone icy and brittle. "My conscience is clear, and I haven't done anything wrong, so it's _your_ soul that's at stake here, not mine."

The Commander's lips curved up into a razor thin smile… and Misato began to sweat.

"If you think for one moment that my soul would darken for having you removed, Major… you are sorely mistaken."

Rising to his feet, Gendou slowly walked around to the other side of his desk, clasping his hands behind his back and moving as if he had all the time in the world. Misato had to force herself not to turn her head as the Commander walked behind her and stood where she could not see him, his breathing the only indication that he had not left the room entirely.

"Tell me where she is."

Misato swallowed hard as the man's hot breath brushed the back of her neck. "I d-don't know, sir," she whispered, all bravado falling away as she felt something hard and cold brushing the base of her skull. "I swear, I don't know!"

_This is bad,_ she thought, wetting her lips and doing her best to keep her breathing under control. _All he has to do is pull the trigger. They won't even investigate it – I'll just be gone like… like Kaji…_

She whimpered as a soft 'click' echoed through the room.

"Tell me," Gendou murmured, "where she is…"

"P-please," Misato nearly sobbed, "please, sir… I don't know – you have to believe me! I… I get lost easy, y-you know? And… and in the bathroom I… I've been drinking a little, but I swear – to _god_ – I don't know where Ritsuko is. Please… please you have to believe me…!"

Tears leaked slowly down her face as the very real chance of her impending death hit her square in the face. _I don't want to disappear,_ she thought frantically, _I'm not ready yet – I still have so much to do! Ritsuko, I can't-_

"Alright…"

Misato's knees buckled as the cool pressure was withdrawn from the back of her neck, and she barely caught herself on the edge of the Commander's desk as he slowly made his way back to his chair.

"Take the rest of the day off to collect yourself," the man coolly suggested. "I'll expect you on time for your shift tomorrow, and prepared to outline with Section Two every minute of your unaccounted time… is that clear?"

Not trusting herself to speak, Misato nodded.

"It is interesting," Gendou said smoothly, "that Doctor Akagi was never seen… _leaving_ the complex… don't you think?"

Misato cleared her throat. "S-sir?"

Gendou gazed at her as she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. "The surveillance disks," he explained, "show no sign of the doctor leaving the premises. The camera in her cell went dead around the time she escaped… but all of the cameras on the exits were up and running – according to the MAGI, anyway, so unless the MAGI have been tampered with, or she found a secret tunnel out through Terminal Dogma…"

Straightening her back, Misato whispered, "I don't know… where she is, sir."

The two stared into each others eyes for a long, long time before Gendou mused, "I believe you, Major… though I don't doubt for a moment that it was you that facilitated her escape."

"I-"

"However," the Commander interrupted, "there is a bigger issue to deal with right now, and that is the Seventeenth. My conditions are as follows – you will assist in the destruction of the final angel, recover Doctor Akagi, and bring her to me."

Misato could not help asking, "Or…?"

There was no humor in the man's voice as he answered her and ended their conversation for that day.

"I don't think I have to say it out loud, do I?"

( 0 0 0 )

"Man, you guys packed _quick!_"

Hikari glanced up from her suitcase, giving Touji a faint smile as he glanced around her mostly-empty room. Well, you know how it is," she said lightly. "When half the city goes boom, there really isn't much point in sticking around."

Her smile slipped away as Touji absently nodded and mumbled, "Yeah, well, I already said sorry. Asuka was pissed, though – she said her favorite ramen stand was in the blast radius… like I did it on purpose or something."

"You know us girls," Hikari mused. "Even little things are important sometimes."

"I know, I know," Touji sighed, rolling his eyes and grabbing one of Hikari's teddy bears. Tossing the stuffed animal from one hand to the other, he said, "Never said I was the touchy-feely type, ya know? But you'd think she'd get over it. I mean, it's noodles for god's sake!"

Hikari shrugged, and they fell into silence.

"So what's up with the new kid?" Touji asked suddenly. "I leave for a few days, and this freaky gray-haired guy's popping up every damn place."

"I don't know," Hikari admitted reluctantly. "I mean, since school's been shut down, I've never actually met him. All I know is what I've heard from Asuka."

Touji shot the teddy bear into Hikari's suitcase as if it was a basketball. "Bet she hates him," he said confidently. "He kinda reminds me of Ayanami – and you know Asuka don't like her."

"You sure talk about her a lot," Hikari observed suddenly.

"Who?"

"…Asuka."

Touji snorted. "Yeah," he said dismissively, "cuz she bugs the hell out of me!"

Folding a tee shirt and setting it in her suitcase, Hikari whispered, "Is that what it is?"

"What else would it be?"

"I don't know," Hikari murmured. "I just thought…"

His brow furrowing in confusion as she trailed off, Touji prompted, "Thought what?"

Hikari bowed her head, allowing her hair to fall forward and hide her eyes. "I just thought maybe you two were friends or something, that's all."

"Nah," Touji chuckled. "Me and her don't get along… you know that."

"How is Shinji?"

Touji frowned at the sudden change in subject. "I dunno," he shrugged. "Good, I guess. Got pretty messed up in the fight," he averted his eyes as a particularly vivid image of Rei lying underneath him (or rather, underneath Shinji) flashed through his mind. "He's got Ayanami, though, so I'm sure he's doing good."

The memories he had been privy to were fading with time, but every now and then he could see Rei as clearly as if it had been him making the memories rather than Shinji. Oddly, even though he was a virgin and was terribly curious about the wonders of sex… he did not want Shinji's memories kicking around in his head.

Seeing his best friend making love to his girlfriend made him feel more than a little dirty and voyeuristic.

"You haven't visited him, have you?" Hikari whispered, slowly folding her suitcase closed. "You don't even know…"

Pursing his lips as Hikari trailed off, Touji prompted, "Know what?"

Hikari hesitated, poised on the verge of telling Touji everything she had heard about Shinji – how he was _not_ being visited by Rei anymore, and how Asuka had said he was looking pale and thin the last time she had visited, and how she and Asuka had discussed the possibility that Rei was seeing a very specific someone else. But love can be a cruel emotion, and the very thought of mentioning Asuka again after hearing her name so many times from Touji's lips skewed Hikari's sense of right and wrong, and instead of telling him the truth, she lied without reservation.

"You don't even know when he's getting out, do you?"

As Touji muttered that he did not, in fact, have this information, Hikari turned away and looked out the window at the painfully blue sky overhead, wondering if this was really the way she wanted to leave things with him.

"Hey, Asuka has that same shirt. Did you guys buy them at the same time?"

Touji never noticed the tears slipping down Hikari's cheeks… and he never understood why the last words she ever spoke to him were, "Could you please leave now?"

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu sat with one foot touching the floor and the other folded up under him on his bed. His right hand sat idle in his lap, while his left ran slowly from one side of Rei's collarbone to the other, absently tracing the line of bone under her skin as the Fifth's crimson eyes focused on door opposite his bed. He idly wondered if he should lock it, or if the barracks watch officer would even care that he had a girl in his room at that late hour.

Especially a girl with no clothes on.

"They are such curious creatures, AeMeH," he observed softly, "struggling so hard to stay alive, fighting to remain stagnant while slowly slipping back. In my last home, those that…tended me would talk for hours on end of elevation and colonies of worthlessness, never seeing the irony in their words, or understanding that there _is_ no elevation for their kind – there is only completion and the loss of individuality it brings." He shook his head. "Who would strive for that…?"

Lying still on the bed, Rei said nothing for a moment. Finally, keeping her eyes on the ceiling, she whispered, "To… an angel like yourself, it-"

"Like us."

"…to an angel, it might seem odd that humans must seek each other out, but while they endure much pain, there is also much joy in this world – and the fear that it might be lost is a powerful motivator. Fear of losing a thing, or a person, increases its value until it becomes so important, nothing else matters."

Kaworu nodded approvingly. "Well spoken, AeMeH," he said levelly. "Your time among these people has not been wasted, I see."

"And… what of your time?" Rei asked softly, closing her eyes as Kaworu ran his finger along her bottom lip. "What have you learned in this guise, Nagisa?"

"Nothing of great importance," the Fifth said quietly. "The formation of relationships is the last curiosity for me. I have unmasked almost all of the secrets I care to, AeMeH, but one continues to elude me." He smiled softly. "Even after all we have done here tonight, your true emotions remain unexposed."

Rei averted her eyes. "I… already explained to you that Shinji-"

"Is Lillim," Kaworu cut in bluntly. "Your heart – your soul," he touched her chest with the tip of his finger for emphasis, "is unlike his. What you feel for him is impure, and should not be pursued. You know all of this, AeMeH, why do you not admit it?"

When Rei made no reply, Kaworu leaned down and slowly kissed her on the lips.

"I cannot tolerate your indecision any longer," he breathed as he pulled back. "Tell me clearly what your feelings are."

Rei averted her eyes. "Shinji is… very important to me, Nagisa."

"And am I important to you?"

Rei's cheeks tinged with color.

"Yes," she admitted. "It is… very nice to be with you, Nagisa, and your touch is… very gentle, but-"

"Then choose."

Rei stared up into his eyes. "Choose…?"

"Yes," Kaworu confirmed. "If you cannot love us both, then you must choose one or the other – or else you are being dishonest to both." He smiled gently. "I know it is hard," he said, "but it is important to me that this is resolved, and soon, AeMeH, because time is short."

Rei's breath caught in her throat. "It is?" she wondered, her shoulders slumping as the full weight of the situation settled onto them. "I see."

Kaworu put his finger under her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze as he asked, "So will you do this for me? Will you choose?"

"For those most valuable to me," Rei whispered awkwardly, "I would do… anything."

Satisfied with this response, Kaworu nodded. "Alright," he said softly, "then make your choice by tomorrow at midnight… and if I see you again, I know what your answer will be."

Rei closed her eyes as he kissed her once more, and as he rose to his feet, she asked, "If I do decide to be with you… where will I find you?"

A faint smile graced Kaworu's lips, but he said nothing.

Averting her eyes as the location immediately surfaced in her mind, Rei nodded.

"Of course…"

( 0 0 0 )

"So," Maya said, setting her clipboard on Shinji's bed and stretching her back out with a tremendous sigh, "Unit 01 should be back up and running in a few days, and your cast should come off pretty soon after that, so we should have you back in the saddle in no time."

Shinji, who had barely been listening to the woman's status update, nodded and whispered, "Good… the sooner I get back, the better."

Maya hesitated for a moment, glancing around the room at the dull, anesthetically clean surroundings before murmuring, "I thought you hated piloting, Shinji."

"It's different when you have something to lose," Shinji mused softly. "Now… now I want to fight – so I can protect her." His smile grew sad. "Even if she hasn't… hasn't visited much lately…"

"She hasn't?" Maya wondered. "I thought she was here all the time."

"She was… at first," Shinji said weakly, "like, every day almost… but for the past two weeks, she hasn't been here for more than a few minutes at a time, and even that's only every couple or three days."

Maya shifted uncomfortably and opened her mouth before slowly closing it again.

What good would it do to tell Shinji that it had been almost _exactly_ two weeks since the Fifth Child had arrived, and that the two had been seen walking through the halls together? If it was true that Rei was seeing the Fifth, it wouldn't do any good to tell Shinji about it when he was laid up in the hospital and could do nothing about it besides feel miserable and helpless.

When she had said nothing after several moments, Shinji changed the subject.

"So, has umm, has Doctor Akagi been found yet?"

"What? Oh, no… not yet," Maya murmured, glancing at her watch to see what time it was. "I'm sure she'll be back soon, though…"

"So does that mean you're the head of Project E, now?" Shinji asked curiously.

Maya laughed out loud, covering her mouth in embarrassment as she remembered where she was, and shook her head. "No," she said, wiping a tear of mirth from her eye, "I'm just a junior tech. Doctor Akagi likes me, but on the food chain? I'm third or fourth down. If anyone's going to take her place, it'll be Aoba."

"Aoba?" Shinji echoed in stark surprise. "Wh-why him?"

Winking playfully, Maya replied, "Because he's smarter than all of use put together. What? Don't look so surprised – did you think he was in his position because he was good at playing the guitar?"

Shinji considered this for a moment, but before he could comment, Maya rose to her feet and picked up his tray.

"Doesn't matter much now, though," she said quietly, her voice losing its joking quality. "Commander Ikari is heading up the project until a new director is put in place, and considering that there's only one more angel to go – according to the scrolls, anyway – I don't see him bothering to assign a replacement at all. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go. Here, let me get these leftovers out of here for you."

Distracted by the thought of his father running the entire installation single-handedly, Shinji simply nodded. Maya had given him a lot to ponder, so it he took no notice of the fact that when the woman left his room, she turned left towards the exit rather than right towards the nurse's station.

Even if he had noticed, however, it probably would have meant nothing to him.

( 0 0 0 )

It all could have gone very differently.

If Asuka had not been in the EVA hangers, contemplating what Rei had said to her in the elevators a few weeks before. And if Unit 01 had replied to Kaworu's call, rather than remaining motionless and requiring him to continue his journey alone. And if an armed security guard had not been present and opened fire on the Child floating in front of the purple mecha, revealing exactly what he was as his bullets reflected harmlessly off of the boy's visible AT field… things could have gone very differently.

"Son of a bitch!"

Asuka was racing for her plug before the echo of the guard's gunshot had finished circling the EVA cage. _Knew that kid was a freak,_ she thought, keying in the sequence to close the hatch as Kaworu – the freak in question – shook his head and began to descend down the linear shaft towards the heart of the base. _Maybe I'll pretend it's Wondergirl when I pop his fucking head off!_

"Second Child," she shouted into the communications microphone, "ready for insertion!" She waited for two whole seconds for a reply before screaming, "_Hurry the fuck up – he's getting away!"_

She gripped the butterfly controls as the entry plug suddenly lurched away from the gantry. _Freakboy's an angel,_ she thought grimly. _Shinji's still in the hospital… Touji's probably in the cafeteria or something stupid like that… Wondergirl's nowhere to be seen… I've got to take him down._

Unconsciously clenching her teeth, she whispered, "I am gonna fuck… you… up."

"There's no time for a safe power-up," Maya's voice reported as the entry plug shuddered into place, "we're inserting you live, Asuka… so as soon as the plug's in, we're cutting straight to stage three neural connection."

Asuka nodded. "Got it!" she said firmly. "Just hurry!"

Maya chuckled weakly. "This might… tingle."

Before Asuka could reply, a jolt of agonizing pain shot through her entire body. Her vision swam with tears as Unit 02's neural pathways became her own. "'Tingle' my ass," she gasped, blinking as the monitors to the outside world came online. "Get these damn restraints off so I can… aww screw it – it's ass kicking time!"

Ramming the controls forward, Asuka willed the huge mecha into motion, forcing it to tear its way free of the restraints as the bridge crew tried to get them pulled back. She felt giddy with exhilaration. This was what she was meant for, not idling away hours in boring classes or hanging out with her boring housemates – Asuka was a warrior… and warriors were meant for battle.

"Come on," she growled, "come on you stupid doll, hurry up!"

With a twist of the controls, she flung Unit 02 into the linear carriage, bearing her teeth. Yes, combat was good. It let her vent her unspoken anger, and forget all of her troubles – like her mother's death, and her stupid kanji grades, and hearts that she could never touch.

"_Come on!_"

"Target is descending slower than Unit 02," Aoba's voice declared. "Anticipate intercept in three minutes at level seventeen."

_So I'll catch him,_ Asuka thought with brutal satisfaction. _This is the last one… they told us there were seventeen, so this is it – and hey, I'll kill him on FLOOR seventeen, too! That's like, irony or something!_

"Pilot Souryu."

Asuka blinked. "Commander…?"

The Commander's face appeared in a small window just to the right of Asuka's head. "Destroy the angel," he ordered flatly. "Regardless of the cost, you must stop it – is that clear?"

"I was going to anyway," Asuka snorted, trying her best to keep her tone from turning sarcastic.

"Souryu."

"Yeah."

"_Regardless_… of the cost."

Narrowing her eyes as she spotted a daub of gray in the darkness below her, Asuka willed Unit 02 to draw its progressive knife and whispered, "Got it…"

Another minute later, and she could see his face.

"Hello, Souryu."

"Hello, sheisskpof!"

Asuka brought the progressive knife around in a sideways arc, aiming to cut the Fifth in half, but Unit 02's shoulder and arm shuddered as the blade in its hand was brought to an abrupt, complete stop.

"So it's true," she said coolly, "not that it was really a question, since you were _floating_ and all."

Kaworu smiled, seemingly unconcerned by the fact that a huge, vibrating knife was hovering less than a foot from his body, held in check only by the light of his soul. "Yes, I'm afraid it is," he shrugged, "though I fear I simply don't have time to discuss it with you, Miss Souryu, nor do I have time to contend with your rampant emotions."

Sneering, Asuka muttered, "I hate to keep you from your busy schedule, but your ass isn't going anywhere – and what the hell do my emotions have to do with anything?"

"Your emotions," Kaworu explained, his voice echoing in the plug as if he was speaking to her over the comm. link rather than the outside speakers. "They can be your greatest ally – your rage… I've seen your rage do amazing things, but I've also seen your synchronization ratio falling slowly sinking over the past few weeks, so-"

"How the _hell _do you know that?"

Kaworu sighed. "I am the Fifth," he said patiently, "and so I have access to all of your records… but what I was going to tell you is that your uncertainty and inability to let go of that which can never be yours is what is holding you back, and-"

"Shut up!" Asuka snapped. "Just shut up and die, you fucking angel freak!"

Sighing a second time as Unit 02 reached out to seize him, Kaworu whispered, "…and in holding back, you have lost touch with your only salvation."

In Unit 02's entry plug, Asuka smiled, showing all of her teeth as the mecha's huge red hand wrapped around the Fifth. But as she willed it to squeeze, the gray-haired youth closed his eyes… and Unit 02 froze in place, slumping forward a bit as if listening to a voice only it could hear.

"What are you doing?" Asuka hissed, yanking on the controllers as hard as she could. "Come on – move! You're my doll, god damn it, do what I- AHHHHH!"

She never knew what, exactly, hit her – all she knew was that one minute she was trying her best to kill an angel, and the next… Unit 02 was trying its best to kill her.

"HuahhhhhHHHHH!"

Asuka's shrieks of agony rang through the command deck, making several people –Misato included – jump in surprise. Maya, monitoring Asuka's vital signs, tensely reported that there was some kind of electrical feedback from Unit 02, and that she could not buffer it.

Misato went white as a sheet as Maya hoarsely added that according to the MAGI's calculations, if the feedback could not be stopped within next eight minutes, Asuka's brain would be cooked inside of her skull.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu left Unit 02 where it was, mildly lamenting the fact that its pilot would soon be as dead as his brethren. _So much potential,_ he mused as Asuka's shrieks of agony echoed in his mind, _these Lilim… unbounded by limitations of the body and mind, but so hesitant and deluded in matters of emotion. Such a shame…_

He stared at the lock on the portal known only as 'Heaven's Door,' and immediately, the mechanism released, cycling the door open and allowing him through as if it had been waiting for him and him alone.

Exerting his will, Kaworu stretched his AT field to its greatest potential, blocking out all communication so that the only thing he heard was the sound of his own breath, and Asuka's screams of agony – and those would be fading away soon enough.

"Such a shame," he repeated, leaving Unit 02 writhing behind and advancing through Heaven's Door without a backward glance.

He glided, unobstructed, into Terminal Dogma, smiling softly to himself as he beheld the huge figure dominating the center of the room.

"Adam," he whispered reverently, reaching out with loving fingers to lay his hands upon the crucified being. "…AaB,aHaYK'uON."

A moment before making contact, he froze, his eyes widening as he realized exactly what he was looking at.

"Clever…" he breathed, slowly letting his hand fall to his side. "Clever, Lilim… very clever."

He turned at the sound of a step behind him, smiling faintly as Rei slowly slipped out of the shadows.

"AeMeH," he said gently, "I… assume you knew about this?"

Rei nodded, advancing until she was within a foot of the gray-haired youth and halting as she felt his AT field push back against her. "Yes," she confirmed, "I knew. Adam is not here… only Lilith – Mother of All."

Kaworu sighed. "This will not stop me," he informed her. "There is nothing within this place that will, you know… only Ikari could, but he is not able, and you-"

Raising a hand, Rei interrupted, waiting until she had his absolute attention. "I… have given much thought to what you have told me," she said quietly. "It is troubling to me that your touch affects me the way it does, and your arguments certainly hold some merit, but I am still so unsure… of everything. How can I be sure that my happiness lies with you, rather than Ikari?"

Kaworu considered this question. "Because you can sense it," he said finally. "We are two incomplete pieces, calling out to one another. It is proper for it to end this way. I know you can feel it, AeMeH… just as I knew you would come to me, eventually." He considered her for a moment, then whispered, "_Have _you come to me? How can I believe that you are mine?"

Holding his gaze, Rei softly replied, "If it is proof enough…I can take you to Adam."

"You would do that for me?" Kaworu said happily, allowing his AT field to fall and drawing her slowly into his arm. "I'm glad I was finally able to help you understand."

Rei's breath was soft and warm in his ear as she held him close to her chest. "It is as I said before," she murmured. "For those most valuable to me… I would do…"

Kaworu's eyes widened as he felt the sharp bite of body-warmed metal puncture the back of his neck; entering just below his skull, slicing roughly through his vertebrae, and finally severing his spinal column before lodging firmly in the bone. He sagged forward, a soft sigh escaping his lips as Rei's final word echoed with him down into oblivion.

"…anything."

( 0 0 0 )

Within the command deck, all was silent.

Technicians, support personnel, even the Commander himself watched wordlessly as the timer on the main screen inexorably ran towards zero.

"We had no choice…"

Misato's voice was the first thing to break the silence since the self-destruct sequence had been initiated. No one replied to her observation because there was nothing that could be said. There was no alternative. As the Commander said, the angel must be stopped at all cost.

Unable to bear the stillness, Misato said, "Is Shinji in the plug yet?"

Maya' frayed patience snapped. "Even if he was, it won't do any good," she blurted. "It's four minutes to Terminal Dogma… and there's only three minutes left until… until…"

"Get a hold of yourself," Misato hissed. "Look, it's four minutes to Terminal _by conventional routes._"

"What do you mean?"

Misato leaned forward, putting her mouth right next to Maya's ear. "Get Shinji to that plug," she whispered, "and I will get him where he needs to be."

Scrubbing at her eyes, Maya nodded. "Y-yes ma'am," she hiccupped, turning to her computer and grabbing her seldom-used headset. Keying it to Section Two's frequency, she quickly said, "I need a status update on your progress. How far is the Third from the EVA cages?"

As she listened to the response, Misato turned away and folded her arms tightly across her stomach in an attempt to squash the sudden wave of nausea that threatened to overwhelm her. She hated lying to Maya, but – like activating the self-destruct system – there really was no other choice.

What good would it do to let the woman's last minutes on Earth be filled with terror and hopelessness?

She glanced up as a hand landed gently on her shoulder, and as she turned, she found herself face to face with Makoto Hyouga. "Makoto," she said unevenly, "I'm… look, I'm sorry about all of this, but-"

"I don't care," Makoto cut in softly, "as long as I can be with you…"

Misato averted her eyes, flushing faintly at the intensity in the man's eyes. "Thank you," she murmured awkwardly. "Makoto, I think… I mean, I know I haven't really been… fair to you, so when this is all over I'd… I'd like to… umm… maybe we…"

"You always did have a way with words, Misato."

All eyes flew to the speakers overhead as a cool, familiar voice boomed out of them.

"The countdown," Maya shouted, "it's… it's stopped! Everything's going back to normal – so does that mean the angel's-"

"Sure looks that way, doesn't it?" the voice cut in. "It seems that your doll was just as effective as you had hoped."

One by one, the consoles in front of the technician's went dark, leaving only Maya's before it too fell silent. Everyone looked to the Commander, but Gendou simply rose to his feet and placed his hands flat on his desk.

"Doctor Akagi," he said coolly. "What is the meaning of this?"

"The meaning of this, Commander," the voice replied smoothly, "is really quite simple."

A collective gasp went up in the command room as all of the lights went out, leaving the entire room in the dark with the exception of a single overhead light, bathing the Commander in its harsh, synthetic glow.

"This facility…is now under my direct control."

To be Concluded…

Notes: I'd say sorry for the wait, but since I was in school, and this is a complicated story, I don't think I'm gonna. Part 10 will be out as soon as I can write the ending I have envisioned.

Pre-read on this chapter was done by Hawker-748 and MacBeth2001, who earn much thanks for their patience and ability to not roll their eyes when I mess things up and they have to point it out.


	10. Before the Dawn

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Touch'

Part 10

Before the Dawn

By Random1377

_And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour._

_Revelation 8:1_

Misato couldn't remember ever reading the bible. She wasn't a religious woman, and while she fought beings known as angels she never considered them as anything ethereal or godly. They were simply foreign invaders—alternate possibilities, as Ritsuko had put it—trying to destroy everything she loved.

But standing in the middle of Central Dogma, wrapped in the echoing silence following the declaration that NERV was under Ritsuko's control, it was a little easier to believe that they were teetering on the brink of something biblical. When the silence broke, could there be any other end result but Armageddon?

She flinched involuntarily as Gendou slowly rose to his feet, mentally begging him to let the silence linger for a moment longer—anything to prevent the maelstrom she knew would have to follow its breaking.

"Doctor Akagi."

"Commander."

And the silence was broken.

"If you're expecting me to beg or anything mundane like that I'm afraid you're in for some disappointment, Doctor," Gendou said calmly. "In case you hadn't noticed, our position here is tenuous at best. I have neither the time, nor the inclination to play this little power game with you. Return control of the MAGI to the bridge crew immediately, or the repercussions will be severe."

In spite of herself, Misato was impressed by his icy demeanor. _He sounds like he's talking to a kid,_ she mused as they waited for Ritsuko's reply. _No wonder Shinji's so scared of him._

"Tenuous is an understatement," Ritsuko informed him. "Just so you know, the MAGI are being hacked from the outside by approximately five other locations." This produced an immediate, low murmur on the bridge, but Ritsuko simply continued as if she could not hear it. "My guess would be that the other NERV installations are using their MAGI to try to seize ours. In corporate terms, I suppose this would be what they call a hostile takeover."

Gendou did not look amused. "Have you taken steps to prevent this, Doctor, or was this part of your grand design?"

Ritsuko's voice sounded offended as she replied, "I have no intention of surrendering this installation, Commander. For your information, I've instituted a firewall that will keep the MAGI safe for 62 hours."

"How biblical of you," Gendou murmured flatly. "Now if you would be so kind as to surrender yourself and relinquish control of the facility, we can avoid any further unpleasantness."

A highly amused laugh rang out from every speaker on the command deck. "Surrender is an option for people in a losing situation, Commander," Ritsuko chuckled. "I hold all of the cards in this scenario, so I'll tell you how things are going to be. You are going to resign as commander of NERV and inform your precious 'committee' that all of your staff were working on your projects against their wills through coercion, intimidation, and blackmail. You will further inform them that you are solely responsible for any and all wrongdoing or treasonous actions, and turn yourself in with the understanding that there will be no repercussions for anyone under your command."

For a moment, Misato thought Gendou was actually going to laugh out loud. Instead, he simply said, "Doctor Akagi… you can't honestly expect me to believe that you are naïve enough to think I would concede to any of your demands, or to think that the committee would settle for anything less than the total eradication of anyone and anything that could oppose their authority. Or did you think their attempt to take the MAGI was their way of asking us to come quietly?"

"I've got access to their radio communications," Ritsuko informed him levelly. "They have issued a new executive order—A-801, to be exact—abolishing all of our legal rights. Oh, and we're also being charged with conspiracy up to and including actions that would jeopardize the entire human race."

"And does any of this surprise you?" Gendou wondered.

Ritsuko sighed. "No," she admitted, "but if you step forward and claim responsibility, they might-"

Gendou's voice was so heavy with sarcasm as he cut Ritsuko off that that Misato imagined she could see it dripping onto the floor. "Doctor," he began, "if they wanted a scapegoat, they wouldn't have implicated the entire Japan branch—they would have specified me, personally. If you believe for one moment they will be satisfied with anything less than the deaths of everyone in this facility, you're more foolish than I thought." He held up a hand, as if cutting Ritsuko off before she could retort (an action that was surprisingly effective, Misato thought, considering that the blonde wasn't even in the room).

"Furthermore," Gendou announced, "there _is_ one card you do not hold."

"Oh?" Ritsuko mused as the commander slowly made his way down from the command dais to stand in the middle of the deck. "And what is that?"

Calmly, the commander reached into his uniform jacket, pulling out a small but heavy looking pistol. Without a word, and before anyone could think to stop him, he stepped forward and pressed the barrel of the pistol against the base of Maya's skull, taking no notice as she gasped and went as stiff as a board, her eyes wide and panicked as she realized just what was happening.

"Reveal yourself, Doctor Akagi… or Lieutenant Ibuki _will_ die."

Maya squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking from under her eyelids as Ritsuko's only reply was silence.

"Very well," Gendou announced. "The choice has been made."

As he thumbed the hammer back, Ritsuko's voice cried, "Wait! Wait…"

Gendou nodded in satisfaction, though he did not take his gun away from Maya's neck as the huge tower surrounding the central MAGI shuddered and began to rise. Everyone gaped in surprise as a very weary looking Ritsuko Akagi emerged from the small access panel at the base of the tower, her green eyes glittering with frustration as her lips set into a hard, thin line.

"You've gotten what you want," she said hotly, "leave Maya al-"

It happened so fast that no one could have interfered. The moment Ritsuko had fully emerged from the MAGI, Gendou swung his pistol in her direction and pulled the trigger, showing no emotion as he put a round cleanly through the middle of his lover's forehead. Several technicians (including Maya) screamed as the blonde slumped to the floor, her eyes wide and glassy and her face frozen in an expression of immense surprise.

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to step down, Doctor."

Misato's hand twitched, but she froze as Gendou turned to look at her, clearly knowing exactly what was on her mind. She cleared her throat, trying her best to stay calm… and not look at the body of her closest friend.

_I'm just another enemy now,_ she thought, locking eyes with the commander and trying to gauge the distance between them. _Damn—he could get two or three rounds off before I could reach him, and at LEAST one before I could draw. I'm dead._

"Fuyutsuki," Gendou said, making Misato jump. "I'll leave the rest to you."

With that, the commander walked past Misato, keeping his finger on the trigger and never once letting her out of his sight as he climbed back up to the command dais and stepped onto the small elevator in the back.

Fuyutsuki looked as if he wanted to say something, but a look from his commander silenced him, and he nodded, turning back to the remaining bridge crew. "Lock the installation down," he ordered, keeping his back turned as Gendou's elevator began to descend. "Once they find that their computer attack has failed, they'll…"

He trailed off as Maya looked up at him her face tense with panic.

"Lieutenant?" he prompted, already fearing the worst.

"I've got… unconfirmed reports coming in from all over the base," Maya announced hesitantly, turned her still teary eyes to her the screen as Misato glanced in her direction.

"Reports of what?"

Slowly raising her head, Maya looked up at the main display screen, her voice barely audible as she whispered the one word no one on the command deck wanted to hear.

"Gunfire."

( 0 0 0 )

The halls stank of death. Everywhere, bodies lay in pools of blood, the smell of freshly released waste thick and palpable in the air as the girl in the plain blue school uniform wandered aimlessly amidst the chaos, her head downcast and unseeing as she allowed her feet to carry her anywhere but the place she had just left.

She could still feel the warmth of the gray-haired boy's body against hers, and taste his delicate, gentle lips pressed against her own… and there was no way (provided she lived more than the next five minutes) that she would ever, _ever_ forget that final, soft gust of life's breath brushing gently as a caress against the side of her neck as she ended the life of the one who had called her simply, 'AeMeH.'

_But I am not… that,_ Rei thought, stepping unhesitatingly over the body of a technician who had once asked her if he could buy her an ice cream cone. _I am… myself—formed of another, holding the soul of… that, but I am still…_

"…myself."

It was amazing to her just how level and calm her voice was – almost conversational, really, though in this hallway of 'cleansed' workers, there was no one to answer her.

"I have… sullied myself," she whispered softly. "It is no longer important what I call myself, or what I want—as that is well beyond my reach—for I am… unclean." Staring down at her hands, she noticed for the first time that a few drops of Kaworu's blood were still clinging to her skin. "Unclean…"

She did not even look up as a troop of JSSDF soldiers rounded the corner ahead of her and immediately brought their rifles to bear. "First Child located," one of them reported. "Proceeding with sanctioning."

The sound of gunfire split the air once more, but as the echo died away the blue-haired teenager stood unscathed in the middle of the hall, holding her hands less than an inch from her face and carefully studying the spots of crimson upon them.

"Sir?" one of the other soldiers asked uncertainly.

"Full auto," the squad leader ordered. "Cut her down, goddamn it!"

Rei ignored the chatter of the rifles as all twelve men unloaded their magazines in her direction. What was within her would not die from so simple an attack, and the AT field that had been Kaworu's undoing now protected her from the pathetic lumps of metal peppering the hallway from top to bottom as easily as an adult holding a spoiled two year old at arm's length.

"What was it?" she whispered to herself, still fixated on the spatters of blood as the horrified soldiers hurried to reload. "What was it I was supposed to… feel…?"

She could not remember. Everything was so blurry—so confused—that it was easier to go back… back to before she allowed herself to feel what it was to love, and laugh, and hurt. It was better that way, really, because she was only a tool, after all.

What good did it do for a tool to fall in love?

"Grenade!"

Finally lifting her eyes, Rei watched the small, globular object spin lazily through the air towards her. "How unfortunate," she whispered as the grenade bounced off of her AT field and tumbled back into the soldiers' midst. "…that it is not that easy."

"Oh sh-"

Rei turned away as the explosion shook the ground under her feet, walking slowly in the opposite direction as fragments of shrapnel and blood rained futilely against her AT field. The barrier of her heart was the strongest it had ever been, so the chances of these tiny projectiles getting through were as slim as those of a fly destroying a tank.

Nothing—nothing in the world… could get near her at that moment in time.

( 0 0 0 )

_Rage._

_Hurt._

_Frustration._

_Inability._

_Hate._

_Hate._

_Hate… everything._

_Tear it._

_Shred it._

_Destroy… all of it…_

_Mother… mother… mother… mother…_

…_Shinji_

( 0 0 0 )

"Sections 1 through 33 have been compromised," Maya reported, trying to keep the panic twisting in her gut from overwhelming her as she scanned the data flowing across her screen. "All areas are requesting backup—there are casualties all over the installation! No… no one is responding to our distress call. We're cut off."

"Unit 02," Hyouga said suddenly. "Now that the angel's gone, maybe we could-"

"Unit 02?" Aoba cut in. "Do you know what Unit 02 is doing right now? It's in terminal dogma, bashing its head against a wall—and unless you forgot, it's got an S^2 organ now… so we can't even stop it."

Hyouga winced at this information. "Why?" he muttered. "Why is it out of control?"

"Think about it," Misato said quietly. "If you were forced to hurt your own child… wouldn't it drive you out of your mind?"

"This is insane," Maya moaned, losing track of all of the damage reports popping up on her terminal. "Every perimeter has been breached… none of the partitions are holding… every…" she had to swallow to force her throat open before finishing, "everyone's dying—and the only person that can help us is trapped in an unstoppable, rampaging _monster_?"

"You always _did_ have a way to sum everything up in one shot," Aoba commented grimly, his brow furrowing as he tried to run a command on his terminal. "Major, I… I can't control the Bakelite system—the MAGI have shut me out."

"M-ma'am," Hyouga said hesitantly, "the security cameras just went offline."

There was a long, heavy moment of silence.

Misato took a deep breath to keep herself from screaming. "So that's it," she whispered unevenly, "they've got us—they've hacked the system."

"But Doctor Akagi's program stopped that!" Hyouga said, looking hopefully at the MAGI towers. "She said-"

"She was bluffing, Makoto," Misato cut in bluntly, "open your damn eyes!"

"But then why say it was done?" Aoba asked tentatively. "If she was afraid of dying… why not just say it wasn't finished yet, and if he wanted to live, he'd let her go?"

Maya answered before Misato could.

"Because she hated him so much that she would rather die knowing he was going to suffer than try to save her own life…"

Everyone jumped as Misato abruptly reached over Maya's shoulder and pounded her fist into the tech's screen, sending a spider web of cracks radiating out from the point of impact.

"Everyone get out," she ordered. "Get out of here—get to Terminal Dogma, or one of the emergency elevators, or a goddamn broom closet! Run! Hide! Get the fuck _out_ before they get _in_." Glancing up at the MAGI, she cradled her now-bleeding hand up against her chest. "Better to die with a bullet in your back than one in your forehead."

There was another moment of heavy, disbelieving silence before Misato drove her hand under her jacket and came out with her gun. Pointing it at the ceiling she squeezed off two rounds, the reports echoing like a judge's gavel as the woman shouted, "What are you waiting for?"

Technicians were on their feet in seconds, scrambling for the door as they cast uncertain glances at Misato—as if they were concerned that she would open fire on them rather than see them captured or killed by the enemy… but when the first tech neared the door, it slammed shut, its huge locking bolts driving home with a decisive thud.

"No," Maya groaned, spinning her chair around and reaching towards the door as if this gesture could force it back open. "Oh God… Major, we're locked in—they've locked us in!"

Misato slowly holstered her gun and looked at her wounded fist.

"Do you have a band-aid?"

Maya blinked at this calm question. "A band-aid?" she echoed. "Major, we-"

"I'm getting blood on my skirt," Misato interrupted. "There's a first-aid kit around here somewhere, isn't there?"

"Ma'am, we-"

"Listen."

"Y-yeah…?"

Misato held her hand up, looking the other woman in the eyes as she softly explained, "I have two hands. I've hurt one of them. I need to get that taken care of so it's not standing in the way of me helping out."

"But-"

"Maya… I have two hands, and I will do everything I can with them to make sure that you, me, and everyone else gets out of here alright, but for now—the doors are locked, everyone is starting to panic, and I can't have that happen, do you understand? Take a deep breath, find me that first-aid kit, and help me get patched up so we can _all_ get out of this… ok?"

Doing as she was told, Maya glanced around the room, taking in all the nervous, sweaty faces all around them. "Yes, Major," she said finally, trying her best to sound cool and collected. "I understand."

Misato let out a long, uneven breath, giving Maya a thankful smile as she whispered, "Thank you."

"Partners in crime, right?" Maya said weakly. "I couldn't just-"

"That's so touching."

Maya looked as if she had been punched in the gut, her eyes flying to the body of her fallen sempai as the unmistakable voice rang out over the speaker system, but it was Misato who finally managed to loosen her vocal chords enough to gasp, "R-Ritsuko…?"

"The one and only," Ritsuko replied. "Or, to be more accurate… the three and only."

Misato's jaw nearly hit the ground as she looked up at huge towers, understanding coming to her in an instant. "You… you didn't," she breathed.

"I did," Ritsuko confirmed. "What, did you think I was just hiding out and eating whatever crumbs Ibuki could sneak me? I've been a busy girl, Major. Time and tide wait for no man… though I suppose that doesn't really apply to me anymore."

"Personality transfer," Maya whispered, gazing at the MAGI in awe. "You… you overwrote them!"

There was a moment's hesitation before Ritsuko replied, "Not entirely. You see, the MAGI were designed with three personality traits in mind—woman, scientist, and mother—and, well, I'm short one of those traits, so I had to… improvise."

Misato tried to even imagine what type of improvising could be accomplished with divided personalities and theoretical computer space, but she quickly gave up after considering that Ritsuko either lobotomized herself or left a third of her mother's personality kicking around in the MAGI when she transferred her own personality in.

_She couldn't have had much time to think about the repercussions, _Misato thought with a mix of wonder and horror. _So much could go wrong—and I've seen that little room she was holed up in… it's about half the size of my bathroom. God, just thinking about it makes me claustrophobic._

"Wait," she said out loud, "so if you're in control of the facility, and you've got us on full lock down… we're safe."

Ritsuko hesitated. "Misato," she said carefully, "I can only guarantee the lives of the people in this room for an hour or two, maximum… anyone outside these doors should be considered…"

Misato's brow drew down as the other woman's voice trailed off. "Unacceptable," she said flatly. "Rei and Shinji are still out there—and Asuka, and hundreds of innocent people!"

Ritsuko's reply was immediate, as she had anticipated this response. "Unit 02 will protect Asuka better than we ever could… and might need to be stopped by us when this is all over. Rei, well," there was a brief pause. "Rei will be fine, especially in her current state. Shinji…"

Maya took a cautious step back as Misato absently bright her fist to her mouth and licked her still-bleeding wound.

"What about Shinji?"

"Umm," Ritsuko's voice hesitated, "he's… the last time I saw him on a security camera, he was making his way towards Unit 01…"

Misato stuck her hand out to Maya. "Bandage that," she said, her voice so commanding that Maya nearly fell over in her hurry to get the first-aid kit. Raising her voice, Misato said, "When my hand is bandaged, you are going to open this door, let me out, and lock it behind me. Then, you're going to work with your little assistant here, and get everyone else out of this shithole."

"While you get yourself killed trying to save Shinji," Ritsuko added dryly. "No."

"Listen to me, we could-"

"No," Ritsuko cut in before the woman could get any more worked up than she already was. "No, period, end of sentence. You, Major, are going to get these people, and yourself, out alive. I've got a path worked out that will get you topside without running into any opposition. There is nothing you can do for Shinji—no, don't you make that face at me, I can still see you… there's nothing you can do besides get yourself killed, do you understand? Trust me, I have a trillion petabytes of processing power behind me."

Holding her hand still for Maya to bandage, Misato softly whispered, "A trillion petabytes… and no heart. Open the door, Ritsuko… or you might as well put a gun to my head yourself, because I won't be able to live with myself if I leave that boy out there on his own."

Ritsuko's voice was surprisingly gentle as it came over the speaker system. "You'll have to, Misato," she said. "There are more lives at stake than just his. Don't be selfish."

"Please, Ritsuko," Misato said, "I'm… I'm begging you. Don't do this."

"I'm sorry, Misato… I have to."

The purple-haired woman closed her eyes, rubbing her newly-bandaged hand thoughtfully as she tried to think her way out of the situation.

"What if I-"

"Misato—no."

Misato's eye flew open, flashing with rage as she took a step towards the hulking towers that housed the MAGI. After a second step, however, the fire left her, and she sagged weakly against Maya, her eyes showing nothing but defeat as tears of frustration and rage trickled slowly down her face.

"I hate you," she whispered hoarsely, "I hate you so much I wish I'd gotten the chance to put a bullet in you before the Commander!"

Ritsuko chuckled. "You're welcome to shoot me again," she offered. "I… don't think I'll be going back…"

Wiping at her eyes, Misato turned away from the huge machines.

"None of us are going back," she said bitterly, "if we escape, they'll just hunt us down. We'll be fugitives for the rest of our lives."

Maya nodded, tentatively offering, "Yeah, but it's better to be a living fugitive than a dead one, right?"

"Exactly," Ritsuko said firmly. "Now… here's my plan…"

( 0 0 0 )

Rei no longer knew where, exactly she was. She had gone up, down, north, south, and even diagonally at one point, in her aimless wanderings. The soldiers invading the base must have gotten the word that she was to be avoided, because after a particularly messy encounter with a rocket launcher, she had not seen a single living soul.

There were dead bodies in abundance, but no living souls.

_How strange,_ she thought as she gazed down at an empty uniform at her feet, _I can feel them coming home to 'her,' now. It's almost time. The Commander must be looking for me._

She looked around, trying to get her bearings. The time for aimless wanderings was over—it was time to head down to Terminal Dogma and fulfill her purpose, exactly as she always knew she must. "Goodbye, Shinji," she whispered, spotting a sign indicating that she was in the hospital ward. "Though I suppose, with Complementation, we will be together once m-"

Turning her head, Rei broke her sentence off before it could be complete, finding that she was no longer alone. The very absurdity of their meeting at random froze both parties in their tracks, leaving them staring and silent as they took one another in. Slowly, the boy standing in the middle of the hall raised one hand, waving it tentatively as he cleared his throat and greeted her by name.

"Ayanami."

The girl was slow to reply, so unsure was she that what she was seeing was real and not a figment of her imagination.

"Suzuhara."

"Hi."

"Hello."

Lowering his hand, Touji continued to stare for a moment. "So," he said finally, jumping a bit as if his own voice surprised him. "Umm… what are you doing here?"

Rei blinked. "This is… where I belong," she said, saddened by the truth of this statement. "And yourself?"

"Er, they never let me go home, remember?" Touji reminded her. "I heard the alarms and stuff, so I tried to get to the bridge, but none of the elevators work and there's people running all over, so… I hid in that closet over there." He shrugged almost apologetically. "Guess it doesn't matter, though, huh? From the sound of it, they brought in a whole army."

"Yes," Rei confirmed, "that sounds accurate."

"Oh."

Perhaps it was the presence of a familiar face after seeing so many dead bodies, or the fact that he was a close friend of Shinji's, but something about Touji's appearance dug into Rei, forcing her to whisper, "May I… tell you something?"

Blinking, Touji looked around, trying to decide if running would even do them any good once they were found. With a shrug, he muttered, "Why not? I don't have anywhere else to go."

There was no way—no way at all—that he could have seen it coming. Rei told him everything, leaving no detail unspoken, until Touji found himself rubbing his temples and wondering how a girl as young as Rei could make a one night stand sound like a torrid, steamy romance.

As she finally wound down, Rei found that she felt worse than before. It had been her hope that by confessing her infidelity to another, it would help—as if the burden could somehow be shared. "…and that's why I have to tell Shinji," she concluded, keeping her eyes on the floor between them to avoid seeing the condemnation she knew would be in Touji's eyes. "Until I have done so, I will not be able to look-"

"What are you, stupid?"

Rei blinked, lifting her head at the sheer amazement in the young man's voice. "I don't underst-"

"Don't tell him," Touji cut in sharply. "Don't ever, _EVER_ tell him about that."

Frowning faintly, Rei said, "People in intimate relationships are honest, Suzuhara. It would be… improper for me to conceal such a betrayal."

"And it would be retarded of you to tell him about it."

"Pardon?"

Touji ground his teeth. "Look," he grumbled, "honesty is all well and good—but what _really_ makes a lasting relationship is when you don't go out of your way to _hurt_ each other. What do you think telling him will accomplish, huh? You want to crush him? Make it so he can't leave you alone without worrying about what you're doing behind his back? God, I thought you pilots were _smart,_ but this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my fucking life!"

Rei averted her eyes once more. "But I am… unclean."

"And you think giving him blow-by-blow details of you boning another guy is gonna make it better?" Touji asked, gaping at her in open wonder. "Ya fucked up—big time—but from what you said it _kind_ of wasn't your fault…" he trailed off, rubbing his temples as words escaped him.

"Ayanami," he said quietly, "I ain't a rocket scientist—man, I ain't even a B student—and I don't even have a girlfriend… but I've been in Shinji's head, literally, and I'm telling you, if you go and blab about cheating on him, you'll just be fucking things up more than they already are. Want my advice? Next time you see Shinji, lay one on him—a big, wet, ballsy kiss—and tell the guy you love him, and you'll never leave him… and then spend the rest of your goddamn life pretending that you never even knew that gray-haired freak."

"I do not believe that I would be able to simply-"

"I found them!"

Touji tensed, whirling on the spot as a soldier ran down the corridor in their direction, leveling a huge rifle at Rei's chest as he came. "Get behind me!" Touji said, raising his fists in a futile gesture of defiance Rei stepped around him and put herself between him and the soldier. "Ayanami, I said get-"

The soldier opened fire.

Touji never asked Rei to get behind him again.

( 0 0 0 )

_Make… it… stop…_

_Hurts…_

_Mother…_

_Misato…_

_Shinji… Shinji…_

_I'll do anything… anything at all…_

_Someone… please…_

_Mach dass es aufhört!_

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji gasped for breath, holding his side as he stumbled down yet another side corridor, trying desperately to remember the confusing layout of NERV central and hoping this wouldn't be another dead end. The last wrong turn had turned into a bullet in the ribs, with blind luck his only salvation. He could still see the soldier's triumphant face as he started towards Shinji, angling for a second shot as his foot came down in a puddle of the strange orange liquid that seemed to be all over the halls.

When the soldier's foot slipped, Shinji had reacted without thinking, throwing himself forward and hitting the man in the gut with his shoulder. The soldier had fallen hard, cracking the back of his head on the hard floor. Shinji had not waited around to see if the man was dead or simply unconscious—he had fled, sprinting blindly down corridor after corridor until he was hopelessly lost.

And now here he was, with a bullet in his side, sweat dripping from every pore, and the unshakable certainty that there was no way he was going to reach Unit 01

_Could be worse,_ he thought in a fit of inexplicable optimism, _it could be raining._

He clenched his eyes closed as his side throbbed angrily. Was it optimism, or delirium? Shinji had basic first aid training, but he had no idea how to tell how much blood he had lost, or how much it took to start losing your grip on reality… or how much it took to die. He was feeling fairly strong, so he doubted that he was dying, but it was still hard to think straight since every step sent little waves of pain radiating out from the bullet hole.

"Where am I?" he muttered to himself, taking another look around. "It _looks_ like the hanger area… but where…"

The words died on his lips.

Someone was coming his way.

_Damn it,_ he thought, spying a darkened corridor and ducking into it as quickly as possible. _Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why didn't I let Misato teach me how to shoot? Sure, I can make Unit 01 handle a pallet rifle, but that's not the same as when-_

"Come out of there with your hands in plain sight," a voice boomed from the main corridor. "I will give you until the count of three, and then I will shoot you, so if you are with NERV, show yourself."

Shinji frowned. _That sounds like…_

"…father?"

Swallowing hard, Shinji listened as his father counted, "One… Two…"

In the split second before Gendou reached 'three' Shinji steeled himself and stepped into the light, hoping that his father wouldn't shoot him (by reaching three, or simply because it was more convenient). If the commander of NERV was surprised to find his son skulking in a dark corridor, he hid it well, keeping his face completely expressionless as he surveyed the scene.

"Shinji," he murmured. "Why aren't you in the EVA cages?"

For a very long moment, Shinji simply stared at his father. _That's it?_ he thought, fighting a mad impulse to break out laughing. _I've been shot, my girlfriend's nowhere to be seen, and there are crazy people shooting everyone they find… and I should be piloting…?_

Clearing his throat, the Third whispered, "I umm, was on my way, but, er… I… I got shot… father…"

Gendou did not look impressed. "I see."

In a flash, all the things Shinji wanted to say exploded into his mind. Didn't his father care about him at _all_? What about Rei? He seemed to think more of her than Shinji, he had made that very clear when he had turned up in Rei's apartment, but what was he doing about it now? Did he care about anyone or anything? Had he even loved Shinji's mother, or was that a front as well?

All of his frustration—all of his rage—withered and stumbled in the face of the ice his father wrapped himself in, surrounding his heart and soul in its frigid armor until nothing could warm him; a haughty king in an unassailable fortress. Aloof. Apart.

Alone.

_It's almost sad,_ Shinji thought, shocked as his anger at his father was blown away like clouds scattered by a freshening breeze, _he's been alone for so long that it's all he knows now. It's not me he hates…_

"I'll be going then," he murmured, unable to keep the faintest hint of pity from creeping into his voice. "Goodbye, father."

The Commander's back went ramrod straight as he recognized the emotion in his son's voice, but after a moment of silence, he slowly lowered his gun (which had remained aimed at Shinji the entire time), and inclined his head slightly in Shinji's direction. "Goodbye, Shinji."

Still holding his side, Shinji stepped around his father, limping a bit as the pain of his wound made itself known. Moving down the hall, the Third gazed back over his shoulder, unable to believe the epiphany he had just experienced. Standing alone in the corridor, his father looked somehow smaller—diminished by the truth Shinji held—a shadow of his former, imposing self.

It would be the last glimpse he would ever have of the man as, with all the suddenness of a lightening strike, a huge red shape erupted through the floor, filling the corridor completely as a bestial roar nearly shattered Shinji's eardrums.

Unit 02 had found what it was looking for.

(0 0 0 )

"So," Touji said as he and Rei made their way through the corridors, "you and Nagisa, huh? I always figured that kid was gay."

Rei's brow furrowed slightly. "I doubt Nagisa had much sense of gender roles," she replied. "As far as I understood, he simply saw people as people, and if he loved someone, he loved them, regardless of gender."

"So he was bi."

Giving the jock a glance out of the corner of her eye, Rei murmured, "I believe you have missed the point."

Touji opened his mouth to counter that she was the one missing the point, but before he could speak the entire building gave a massive lurch, hurling him down onto the ground. The Fourth Child gaped up at the tiny cracks in the ceiling as an unexpectedly powerful fear ran through him. NERV central was a large building. Furthermore, it was in a geofront, and half buried.

_What could hit this place hard enough to make it shake?_

Rei (who had managed to stay on her feet) stood rooted to the spot, staring upward with a look so blank that Touji easily understood why Asuka always called her a doll.

"They are coming," the blue haired girl said, her voice equal parts wonder and disbelief. "Nine… they are… nine…"

Unable to make himself speak above a whisper, Touji asked, "Nine of what?"

Rei shook her head, seeming not to hear. "Excessive," she breathed. "Do they plan to do it here? They would need…"

Unconsciously, Touji backed away as Rei's eyes suddenly turned his direction. He was not scared that she was going to hurt him on purpose… but he _was_ scared that she might hurt him to get to whatever she was staring through him to see. Her eyes seemed to be lit from within, burning with unholy fire as a chill, frightened word slipped through her lips.

"…Shinji."

Touji flinched and covered his head with both arms as Rei surged forward, stepping over him and breaking into a full run as whatever she had realized compelled her into motion. Before he could get his feet under him, the First Child was gone, leaving only the fading echo of her footsteps to signify that she had ever been there.

Blinking, he realized that he would never find her if he didn't hurry, but before he had taken two steps he knew that it was too late. There were just too many halls for her to turn down, and without knowing where she was headed, he had no way of following. He glanced around, suddenly sure that a hundred soldiers would come out of the shadows, chuckling about how they had only been waiting for the First to leave so they could kill him.

He laughed softly as he found himself alone, scrubbing a hand through his hair and glancing once more around at the empty halls. "Run, or hide?" he asked himself. "Hell—let's do both."

With no clear idea of where he was heading, Touji took off down the hall, hoping that somehow, everything would end up alright.

( 0 0 0 )

"Wer bist du?"

Shinji stared uncomprehendingly up at the mammoth red machine taking up the majority of the hallway.

"Antworte mir—wer bist du?"

There was no mistaking the voice, but what was being said, Shinji had no idea. He cast a surreptitious glance at where his father had been standing mere moments before, but all he could see was rubble—rubble and the looming form of Evangelion Unit 02.

"Rede!"

He flinched as Unit 02 pounded the wall, sending huge chunks of concrete tumbling to the floor. "Ok!" he blurted, holding up both hands in what he hoped was a supplicating gesture. "Ok, ok! I… I don't understand what you're saying! C-can you… speak Japanese?"

"Japanisch?" boomed out of the machine's loudspeaker. "Das hier ist Deutschland, freak! Was zur Hölle macht eine japanische Göre in einer deutschen Fabrik, hmm? Sag schon!" When Shinji still did not reply, the girl muttered, "Scheiße. Beweg dich nicht."

Shinji's eyes bugged out as Unit 02 climbed out of the hole it had made and crouched down in the middle of the vaulted hallway, its head leaning forward as the entry plug spun out of the back of its neck. The hatch opened a moment later, and Asuka appeared, looking exceedingly grumpy.

Immediately, Shinji could see that something was wrong. Besides slipping into her native tongue, there was no light of recognition in her deep, azure eyes. She had somehow managed to find him, even amid the destruction and mayhem all around… but she no longer knew him.

"Bist du bescheuert oder einfach nur taub?" the redhead demanded, her brow furrowing as if she was trying to remember something. Then, seeing the helpless confusion on Shinji's face, she haltingly said, "You… really don't speak German?"

"N-no," Shinji stammered. "We're… we're in Japan, Asuka."

Asuka's brow drew down, her next question confirming his darkest fear. "How do you know me? Who are you? How did I get to _Japan_ of all places?"

Shinji was at a loss for words. _She doesn't remember,_ he thought, feeling a sickening lurch in his stomach. _She doesn't remember any of it…_

He chose his words carefully, worried that the slightest misstep would set the clearly unstable Second off. "I'm… Shinji Ikari," he said, feeling like an idiot for introducing himself to someone he had lived with for the previous half year. "I'm the Third Child. We… we work together."

It came out harder than he had thought. Asuka—a girl he had secretly admired—stared at him as if looking at some kind of new, fascinating insect. "And why don't I remember any of this?" she asked, her tone taking on the sarcastic, disbelieving edge that Shinji knew signified her temper was running short.

Keeping himself from swallowing, as Asuka was watching closely and would take it as a sign of deception, Shinji softly murmured, "You've been piloting. NERV is under attack, and… and you've been fighting them. Maybe you hit your head…?"

Asuka blinked, her hand rising halfway to her temple before falling back to her side. "Well it _does_ hurt," she admitted grudgingly. "Who's attacking us, though? Is it an angel? Have they come back?"

Shinji winced. _That far,_ he thought dizzily, _she's gone that far back…_

He had read about regression in one of his science courses—the psychological term for a human mind returning to a time before a certain stressful event—but he had no practical experience with it, nor did he know how long it would last, or if it could be cured at all. The only thing he knew for certain was that Asuka… was not herself, or rather, she _was_ herself, circa one year prior.

_Or maybe even more._

Looking into her eyes, Shinji said, "There was a… misunderstanding. It's the government that's attacking us. They think we did… something bad, so they're trying to… to kill us."

Shinji knew it sounded vague, but honestly, it was the long and short of the situation. It would take too long to recap everything that had happened since the third angel had returned, and really, the only thing that was on his mind was how he could get to Unit 01, fight off the invaders, and find Rei.

Clearing his throat, he politely suggested, "Why don't you try using your comm system to check what I'm saying with the command deck?"

"Maybe I will," Asuka huffed. "Come up here… and don't do anything stupid!" So saying, she disappeared back into the plug. After a moment, Shinji scrambled up onto Unit 02's arm, making his way precariously to the plug opening and leaning in just in time to see Asuka thumb the switch for the communications system.

"This is Asuka. Can someone please-"

"Asuka!" Misato's voice cut in, sounding like the woman was on the verge of tears. "Oh thank God you're alright!"

Asuka blinked. "Misato?" she said. "You're here too?"

Quickly stepping into the momentary silence, Shinji said, "Asuka's… hit her head, Misato. Her memory's a little… fuzzy."

Misato seemed to chew on this, as she was silent for a few moments. Shinji gave Asuka a sick smile as she scowled at him, clearly displeased with his succinct summery of the current situation, but before she could berate him for it, Misato broke the silence.

"Asuka, if you can manage to fight, we're in a lot of trouble."

Though she wasn't up to speed (by a year or so), Asuka was still Asuka. "Of course I can fight," she said, sitting straighter in her seat and tossing her hair imperiously over her shoulders. "What are you, stupid?"

Shinji smiled, giving Asuka a thumbs up—and not even flinching when she rolled her eyes and glared at him.

"Ok then, listen…"

Both Asuka and Shinji listened, and as Misato spoke, it was easy to see that the two Children had, once upon a time, been completely synchronized, as their faces betrayed exactly identical expressions of disbelief and shock.

"N-nine EVAs?" Asuka blurted when Misato finally finished. "That's kind of overkill, isn't it?"

Misato's voice was terse. "Funny," she said, "I thought we had the best pilot on Earth on our side. Fine then, Shinji, you launch and take care of-"

"My _ass_ he will!"

Shinji hid his grin behind the pretense of coughing into his fist. _Misato knows how to get her motivated,_ he thought, silently cheering his guardian as Asuka began to rant about her abilities.

"…so I'll handle it," the redhead concluded, giving Shinji a defiant stare. "The Third here can play backup—i_f_ he can keep up, that is."

"Actually," another voice broke in, "it's too late for that."

"Doctor Akagi," Shinji exclaimed. "You're ok, too?"

There was a brief pause. "Well, something like that," came the dry response. "Anyway, as I was saying—fighting the EVA series topside won't work… they're already on their way into the base."

Shinji winced. _So much can happen,_ he thought, stealing a sidelong glance at Asuka's face. _So much can happen so fast…_

"We can't risk close quarters combat with that many units," Ritsuko said coolly. "They're like roaches—they'll just swarm over you. If it was open terrain, I'd give Asuka even odds, and that's a huge compliment, so don't go flying off the handle… but in these halls? It would be a rout."

"So what's our plan?" Misato asked, sounding very much like she already knew the answer.

Ritsuko's voice was grim. "I've injected Bakelite into all of the upper corridors, so the EVA series will have to chew through that to get to us—but make no mistake, they _will_ get through it, and probably in about… one hour." There was a brief pause. "That's why you all have to get out of here before then, because in an hour and a half, approximately the time they will reach the command center, I'll be detonating the base."

There was a long, heavy silence.

"Well don't everyone try to talk me out of it at once."

"Is there _any_ other way?" Misato asked, sounding desperately hopeful.

With a sigh, Ritsuko mumbled, "Well, no, but it still would have been nice to-"

"Rei," Shinji cut in suddenly. "Does anyone know where Rei is?"

Another, heavier silence followed this question, broken when Asuka mumbled, "Who's Rei?"

Shinji ground his teeth.

"I have her on a security camera right now, Shinji," Ritsuko informed them. "She's making her way toward the command deck."

_Then that's where I need to be,_ Shinji thought grimly.

"Can… can you see my father?"

"…no, Shinji, I can't."

"I see."

With that… Shinji pitched himself backward off of Unit 02, tumbling gracelessly down to the ground and letting out a sharp cry as he landed on his left arm, breaking it in three places.

"What are you _doing_?" Asuka screamed, but the Third Child ignored her, struggling to his feet and bolting down the hole Unit 02 had made in the floor.

"Shinji?" Misato's voice called frantically. "Asuka, what's going on? _Shinji?_ Shinji, _answer me! _Asuka, where did he go? Get him back for me, ok?"

Glancing with undisguised wonder into the hole in the floor, Asuka shook her head.

"It's too late," she whispered. "He's gone."

( 0 0 0 )

Mesmerized, Rei stared at the enormous monitor dominating the center of the command deck, her eyes fixed unblinkingly on the white, eyeless faces of the advancing Evangelion Units.

"Has Major Katsuragi escaped?"

There was a momentary pause. "Yes," Ritsuko's voice replied, echoing softly from the speakers set around the command dais. "She's clear of the base… and outside of communication range."

"Because of the JSSDF's jammers."

"Yes, because of the JSSDF's jammers."

Rei looked to the smaller monitors directly in front of her, searching vainly for the one person—the only person—she cared to see. "Do you believe they will elude them?" she asked idly, flipping a few switches to change the view.

"I give them fifty-fifty," Ritsuko replied. "More, if Asuka's timing is right."

The hastily constructed battle plan had been to wait until the very last possible minute to evacuate the technicians, then launch Asuka out of the lake in the middle of the geofront, using Unit 02 as a distraction to allow Misato and her group a chance to get away. It was foolproof… provided the white EVAs continued tying to get to the command deck… and provided the troops all concentrated on Unit 02 and ignored the large group of unarmed people sneaking through the woods… and if Asuka didn't accidentally deflect a shot into said group of unarmed people.

'And if' a million other variables.

"Fifty-fifty seems more than fair."

Rei nodded absently.

"…I still can't find him on any of the monitors, Rei."

"I see."

"And there are… still some JSSDF troops on this level."

"Yes."

Though she no longer had a throat with which to swallow, Ritsuko still felt like doing it. "You know his chances are almost zero… right?"

"…yes."

Unable to bear the tension, Ritsuko blurted, "Why did you come here, Rei?"

Rei did not look up from the monitors. "Unit 01 is encased in Bakelite," she said quietly. "I… could not think of anywhere else for Shinji to go."

"Wouldn't…" Ritsuko hesitated. "Wouldn't you _feel_ him… coming to you if he died? I mean, considering what… what you are…?"

Pursing her lips, Rei said, "It does not work that way, Doctor Akagi. The souls return to…_her_ without name or shape. They simply… fill her. Nothing more. I cannot identify them."

"I see."

There was a considering silence. "Your AT field," Ritsuko said slowly. "It was off the charts when you killed Nagisa." She paused for a moment before saying, "Could you use it to protect this room?"

"No," Rei replied immediately. "It is too large, and considering the yield necessary to destroy this installation, I doubt that my AT field would be sufficient to save my own life, let alone an entire room."

"But you're not sure."

Rei gazed at the MAGI. "Does it matter?"

Ritsuko's voice sighed over the speakers. "I suppose it doesn't," the former blonde admitted. "It's just… it was so strong that maybe-"

"Ahhh!"

Rei's eyes shot to the vent directly overhead as the grate abruptly gave in, spilling a single, very ragged looking individual out. Had she been a bit faster, she might have been able to break the fall, but as it was she could only watch in stunned silence as the body tumbled to the floor, landing badly and uttering a weak, defeated groan.

A groan she recognized.

"Shin…ji…?"

Barely breathing, she rushed to his side, falling to her knees and reaching out hesitantly, her hand hovering inches from his face as she surveyed the damage her lover had sustained on his journey to her. It wasn't pretty. Just from looking at him she could tell that his left arm was broken (possibly in several locations, based on the odd angle in which it was hanging), and the copious amount of blood on his shirt indicated a gunshot wound of indeterminate severity.

He had also twisted his ankle upon landing, and now held it in his uninjured hand, crying silent tears of pain as his tortured muscles cried out almost audibly. Abruptly, he became aware of her presence, his hand freezing in mid-rub as he stared at her, his mouth working soundlessly.

Almost at once, Rei knew that she had made _the_ biggest mistake of her life in secluding herself from him. The adoration glowing in his eyes was heartbreaking, and when he reached out and caressed her cheek with his bloodied, filthy hand, the blue haired girl clearly heard his voice whispering in her mind.

_I'm home…_

"W-welcome home."

Shinji winced as Rei threw her arms around him and burst into tears, the dam she had erected to hold her emotions in check crashing down as if it had never been and letting her feelings rush out in a maelstrom of regret and sadness. She babbled incoherently, sobbing about how she had done something unforgivable, and she was dirty, and broken, and beyond redemption.

Wrapping his good arm around her, Shinji hushed her. "Later," he said quietly, "Rei, tell me later—or don't, I don't care. If… if it's that bad, then…"

He trailed off, too confused and in pain to form rational thoughts.

"Ahem."

"Oh, Doctor Akagi," Shinji exclaimed, looking around for the woman. "Where are you?"

"In the MAGI tower," Ritsuko said with complete honesty. "It's nice to see you, Shinji." She paused for a moment, and when she spoke again, Shinji could hear the admiration in her voice. "It was the same vent, right? The one you guys used when the power went out… right?"

Shinji managed a pained smile. "It was the only way I could think of getting in without getting shot," he said grimly. "I almost didn't make it. When I was coming down from the level above this one, a soldier heard me and started shooting the vent. The only reason I made it is because I let go and dropped down the shaft."

_I… I have to tell him…_ Rei thought, taking a deep breath and looking Shinji in the eyes.

"I…"

Touji's words pounded in Rei's mind with almost physical force, freezing her tongue in her mouth as Shinji waited for her to continue, his eyes half glazed with pain, but unmistakably adoring and loving.

"…later," she said finally, averting her eyes as she made the decision to follow Touji's advice for the time being. "We'll talk about it later."

"There's not going to be a later," Shinji said, grasping her shoulder as he looked towards the MAGI. "Rei…we're running out of time! The charges—Doctor Agaki is going to set off the self-destruct char-"

"I know," Rei cut in, folding him once more into her arms and shaking from head to foot as he clumsily embraced her with his unbroken arm. "I know, Shinji…"

Shinji clenched his eyes shut, blotting out the view on the main monitor of the leering, eyeless mass production Units.

"They're almost here," Ritsuko informed them as the main monitor abruptly went dark. "I don't know what to say, you two. I can't keep them out any longer."

With a sigh, Shinji relaxed in Rei's arms. "It's alright," he said as something large hit the door leading into the command room. "It really is, Doctor Akagi. As long as I'm with her…" he looked into Rei's eyes, smiling at her for what he knew would be the last time. "If I'm with you, any pain is bearable."

Rei flinched as the door was struck again. _It's not alright with me,_ she thought, her mind burning with every possible exit scenario she could think of. _I… I want more, Shinji. I want… I… want…_

"…I want to live."

Shinji blinked. "Hmm? Did you say something?"

Rei did not seem to hear him, and after a moment, Shinji started to wonder if she had spoken at all. "They're coming in!" he gasped, his jaw clenching with fear as the door began to bow inward, unable to withstand the massive pressure on the other side. "This is it, Rei… they're coming."

The blue haired girl did not reply, her attention focusing inward as she deliberately sought out the darkest, most hidden corner of her being and projected images of her happiness into it with all of her might.

"For all I have endured," she intoned, blinking as tears slipped unheeded down her cheeks, "for all that has never been mine. Please, now… protect us… light of my soul…"

"Rei wha-"

The door gave way. The white Evangelions roared into the room, keening for blood. Shinji screamed, unable to contain himself as he felt the icy chill of imminent death.

"_I'm sorry! Shinji, I'm so sorry!_"

Shinji barely heard Ritsuko's sobbed apology as the detonators were triggered, setting off the massive charges hidden below Central Dogma… and the room was engulfed in roaring, blinding flame. The Evangelions shrieked, thrashing wildly as huge gouts of flame burned them to ash within seconds.

The ground shook and heaved as bomb after bomb exploded, rocking the very earth beneath them as Rei clung to him, whispering something over and over as her eyes clenched tightly shut. It seemed to Shinji, in those endless, terrible seconds, that Rei was glowing, burning almost as bright as the flames surrounding them as his ears picked out the words she was speaking.

"Light of my soul… light of my soul… light of my soul…"

Shinji wanted to tell her that he felt the same—that without her, his world was nothing but darkness and despair… but his throat would not work. It was locked by the horror of conflagration raging all around them. Everywhere he looked was fire and destruction, and even the MAGI towers, those mighty, unshakable pillars of steel and concrete, began to melt and run, a tremendous scream rising as they burned until finally (mercifully) it was silenced.

Rei continued her endless litany, holding Shinji so fiercely that it felt like she was enveloping him—cradling him safely within a sphere of calm and safety that even the flames couldn't touch… and for a moment, it felt as if it was true, as if nothing would ever reach them.

Yes, here, in her arms, the world could burn to ash… and they would be left unscathed.

Shinji closed his eyes as Rei's voice rose to a frantic crescendo, floating in boundless space as the pain of his wounds made his head swim. The flames closed in around them. All he could see was fire.

"I love you… Rei…"

And the world was fire, and insanity, and chaos, and ultimately… cold, smothering blackness.

( 0 0 0 )

_Neo Tokyo 4 – 2019_

"I'm going out!"

The woman waited for the grumbled reply from her guardian, rolling her eyes as the predicted, "Do you have your ID?" came from behind one of the apartment's closed doors.

"Of course, don't be stupid!" she groused. "And before you ask, _yes_, I remember my name."

The door opened a crack, and a single eye appeared. "Well it's not like my concerns are unfounded," the older woman said. "Two weeks ago I had to cover up for you."

"Blah, blah, blah. Do you need anything while I'm out?"

As she waited for a reply, the girl formerly known as Asuka tossed some of her bleach blond hair over her shoulder. Aside of her hair (worn in a different style), she was still essentially herself. She went by Sakura only because it was easy to forget, and after four years, it was still best if people forgot her.

Her guardian had also dyed her hair blond, though she had gone with green contacts instead of leaving her eyes untouched. She called herself Ritsuko those days—saying it was an homage—though Asuka still had no recollection of the woman it was supposed to honor.

"No," the older woman finally replied tiredly. "Just… don't get into trouble, ok?"

"Sure, sure."

Bolting out the door before she had to listen to any other arguments, Asuka reveled in the bright afternoon sunshine. Since their harrowing escape from NERV, she and Misato had been on the run; moving from town to town, changing their appearances often, and avoiding other survivors to avoid having too many targets all in one place. It was somewhat like a movie, she had thought at times, but there was nothing fictional about their daily struggle to survive.

The Japanese Government, and some organization that really ran NERV (according to Misato, anyway), had standing offers of large rewards for any information regarding 'The Incident.' Anyone that worked for NERV was considered a suspect, and while the assumption was that almost everyone was killed in the blast that destroyed the headquarters, the rewards were still available.

It hadn't taken much to convince Asuka that laying low for a few years couldn't hurt, even though she was one of the ones presumed dead—and with good reason, as she had timed the self-destruct sequence of Unit 02 to correspond with Ritsuko's, ejecting at the last moment and speeding away mere seconds before the explosions destroyed all the evidence.

And considering that the entry plug had splashed down and sunk in the middle of a sizable lake (which she barely escaped, thank you very much), she doubted if anyone would uncover her escape.

_Misato said we won't have to do this much longer, though,_ Asuka thought as she wandered down the street in the direction of the local grocery store. _Last time we inquired about a reward, the reaction was only lukewarm. People are losing interest._

There was one other survivor they still traveled with—another pilot who had somehow stumbled on Misato's group as they were making their way out of NERV. The young man had some kind of attachment to Asuka, and while she wasn't exactly sure what their history was, he wasn't exactly a bad guy.

He was somewhat of a stooge, in Asuka's opinion, but he was always very nice to her, and though she had shot him down the few times he had asked her out over the four years since the fall of NERV, she was vaguely considering saying yes the next time he asked.

Misato said she was getting softer as she grew up. Asuka said Misato was getting softer too… in the stomach. Needless to say, theirs was not a perfect friendship, but it was more than a lot of people could claim, and really, considering that Misato was about the only living person Asuka could remember, it was the _only_ friendship she was likely to have for some time.

"Orange juice, please!"

Standing at a small vendor a block from the grocery store, Asuka couldn't help but think of what a strange journey she'd taken. No matter how many times Misato described the things she, Shinji, Asuka, and Rei Ayanami (the First Child) had shared, Asuka could not recall any of them. Occasionally, one of Misato's stories would strike her as familiar, but that was about it.

Asuka suspected that the tales of the past were just as much for Misato's benefit as they were for hers. It made her feel a little sad for the older woman—she didn't even have a chance to take any pictures in their mad flight through the woods.

They had tried, unsuccessfully, to recover her memories… but all of the psychologists they saw (the few they could afford) explained that it wasn't a matter of simple suppression. It was, as Shinji had guessed, _re_gression—an actual reverting of her mind to a younger state to avoid some sort of recent trauma.

Misato secretly theorized that it was a psychological shock reaction to Unit 02's feedback, but without costly, extensive testing with people who were either dead or on the run, it would never be confirmed as anything but a hypothesis.

_Maybe I'll ask her to tell me about the day I moved in,_ Asuka thought as she paid for her juice. _That always seems to cheer her up._

She frowned as she realized that a girl of about three years old was standing a few feet away from her… and staring at her with her jaw hanging open, her eyes wide and almost worshipful.

Asuka gazed down, scowling at the child as the girl gaped up at her. "What?" she mumbled. "Do I have something on my face? Your parents should teach you some manners."

"I'm terribly sorry," the child's mother said in a soft, familiar voice. "My daughter is easily fascinated with people she finds beautiful."

Embarrassed by the unabashed compliment, Asuka mumbled, "Well, it's not polite to stare."

"My apologies, Ma'am."

Asuka gazed at the woman, something about her voice tugging at the redhead's memory… but she found nothing unremarkable in her plain, shoulder-length brown hair and unassuming brown eyes. A second look at the woman's daughter produced a similar tug—slightly more powerful—as she stared into the child's honest, open face and deep, guileless crimson eyes.

"Have a nice afternoon, Ma'am."

"Y-yeah," Asuka stammered, blushing as she pulled her eyes away. "You too."

The woman gave a bow and turned to her daughter. "Come along, dear," she said gently. "Your father will be waiting."

Though she tried to resist, Asuka found herself stealing one last look at the woman… but she quickly turned away as she found her gaze met with a soft, tender smile.

There was something inside of her mind—something trying desperately to surface from the recesses of that lost, irretrievable year of her life. She tried to grab it, to hold on and force her uncooperative mind back around and _find_ the damn time she had lost as the woman turned away and melted into the crowd.

Asuka could _almost_ feel a powerful emotion, obscured by only a thin barrier within her mind, that (if she could just reach it!) would change her life forever, filling the empty place in her memory to overflowing and bringing back the memories of a time when she had been part of something that had burned brighter than the sun.

And then… it was gone.

Feeling wholly disquieted, Asuka hurried home, unsure why her chest was so tight and why, for the first time in eleven years… she felt like crying.

Touch' – end

Final notes: when I wrote Touch' 9 I promised myself that I wouldn't take forever writing Touch' 10. Clearly I'm not too good at keeping promises. I _did, _however, promise that I _would_ finish it, and that I would do my best to avoid turning it into a sap-fest, and I _think_ I got that part right. Touch' was always meant to be a _romance_ fic, not a _WAFF_ fic—and romance isn't always pretty.

Regardless of the success or failure of my intentions, or of the long wait for part 10, I hope you've enjoyed this story series, and I hope, if nothing else, I was at least able to entertain you for a few minutes.

Thank you for reading.

Pre-readers for this story were Hawker-748, FatuousOne, Zoro50, and AlphaZulu, all of whom made sure the ending of this story didn't descend into a spiral of trash. Thanks, all of you.

Special thanks to foesjoe of The Fanfiction Forum for the German translation. Couldn't have done it without you—literally.

-Random


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